There is a lot of tongue in cheek in these Interview reviews regarding Corfard (the BBEG) and his thoughts and actions. Is he me? Is he an aspect of me? Who knows! Read on!
Follows:
BRENDON
“Blessed Corfard? A moment of your time?”
~ “Ah, my child. So good to see you Give me a second to save this.”
“Save what, my lord?”
~ “This.”
“Um,. Blessed Corfard. I don’t see…”
~ “Done! So Adept, how are things after our last meeting?”
“I am still a bit undone after seeing the Elf up close and hearing his words.”
~ “I understand, but in order for us to better deal with these interlopers, we need to know about them and from whence they came.”
“I agree, Blessed Corfard. I have searched my courage and find I am ready to learn more.”
~ “Excellent my child. For I am already thought on which one I would learn about next.”
“Do not leave this low worm in suspense, Blessed Corfard. Who?”
~ “We shall be seeking out the origin and interviews ripped from the very heart of space-time itself, of the militant and exacting personage that is Brendon Lake!”
“Blessed Corfard! He is the one who braves the halls first!”
~ “Exactly. His courage must be exemplary for him to dare the dark halls of the Murderer’s Castle so far ahead of his companions.”
“What shall we learn, Blessed Corfard?”
~ “Let us see! Through the sands of time, past the heart of a dying star, across the broken backs of stagnant eternity, let my gaze befall upon that which I wish to know…BEHOLD!”
The room crackled with energy and a bolt of lightning tore from the sky and slammed down on the ground before the Adept, tearing the air asunder with the stench of burnt paper and ozone. Through the tear, a hole could be seen and in it a well lit room with a half dozen older men and women standing by a curtained area where a shadowy figure in leather armor could be glimpsed.
“Blessed Corfard! Such wonders! But, isn’t this the same room that we saw earlier when we first spied upon the bloodthirsty elf?”
~ “Yes, Adept. It is the same room since the interviews the Academy performed were all done the same day at the same location. It makes it easier for us as well since all I have to do is cut and paste the description to save precious minutes.”
“Blessed Corfard, I saw neither knife for cutting nor pitch pot for pasting.”
~ “Trust me, Adept. Control see and control vee were done.”
“If you insist, Blessed One.”
~ “I do. Let us listen.”
"So, Master Brendon, if you are ready to address us? What makes you the best candidate out of the other choices to be entrusted with this mission? Why you?"
“Blessed Corfard? Brendon is behind the curtain? Is he disfigured?”
~ “No Adept. No more so than any other human. He has a thematic background and is looking to maximize his presence. Ah, here he comes!”
Stepping out from behind the shadowy curtain near the entrance of the room, Brendon Lake bowed low, doffing a battered feathered cap before straightening up, his quiver of arrows rattling lightly from the motion.
~ “Ah, bowman. Yes. Going for the DPS.”
“Blessed Corfard, I do not understand.”
~ “Standard Thief/Rogue build involves missile weapons for maximized DPS in any well rounded party. I wonder how his cool downs specs are? Most likely basic since it doesn’t seem to come from his off the rack gear.”
“I am… I don’t…”
~ “It’s ok, noob. The Thief speaks.”
"Good afternoon esteemed lords and ladies of the Board of Academy of Explorers. I hope this day finds you all doing well. I have heard whispers amongst the townsfolk that you need finely trained personnel to assist in a task of the highest importance. If you have a few moments, I would like to submit myself as one of the individuals you consider."
“He seems to be well spoke, Blessed Corfard.”
~ “Indeed. I am used to thieves being more of the fugettabout type and wiseguy variety. Plus there is the knife you in the back sort who feign friendship and take you out with a distraction.”
“Well, this Brendon is not that type it seems.”
~ “No. Let us watch.”
"I am extensively trained in the arts of manipulation. I know what you may be thinking. He’s not dressed like a caster and you’d be right. I cannot cast spells wearing this."
~ “I thought so, standard issue Leather Armor. He hasn’t any raid gear yet.”
“Hmm?”
~ ”Shh.”
"I speak of body manipulation. I have mastered the arts of moving myself so much so that I do not leave any sounds when I walk, my fingers that I may open the secured, and my ears to hear even the slightest of sounds."
~ “We should concentrate on nullifying the group with his removal.”
"I have a varied set of skills that makes me unique in virtually any group on land and sea. I had spent several years with the Silvermeadow Rangers as a scout. I have been a fletcher and I am at home in all surroundings. I’m sure I’m not the only person you have seen or will see and I’m sure we all boast about our skills."
~ “See what he did there? I believe he just negged himself.”
“In public? Has he no shame?”
~ “No Adept…Nevermind, I’ll explain it later.”
"I may not be a man of strength or grit, but I am fiercely loyal and protective. Many of my counterparts cannot make the same claims. Thank you for your time and consideration."
The image froze with Brendon in mid bow, hat doffed and held to the side.
~ “I can see why the Academy chose this Thief to send here. Precise, young, earnest, some skills, forward thinker. In short, a danger to us.”
“So true, Blessed Corfard.”
~ “Let us see the thief that was second choice. Ok…Back to main menu. Special…Got it…BEHOLD!!”
The view changed within the torn bit of space, showing a tall swarthy human with slick backed hair, a garish ring on his pinky, his shirt open and laces undone revealing a hairy chest with a few gold chains dangling there. He was sitting at a chair in front of the other men and women, glancing around with casual interest.
“A frame job, Blessed Corfard?”
~ “When displaying a picture, Adept. It seems this thief has some carpentry skills as well. Most likely good at rabbiting and dovetails.”
“They are good to eat, Blessed Corfard!”
~ “Eh? No…let us listen.”
“What? Adventure? Crown? Even better, adventurers make loads of easy cash, and I always make twice as much as everyone else. I'm real good at it too, only failed to find two traps in me whole life, that’s why they call me 'ol Eight Fingers!”
“Blessed Corfard, I can count and he is only holding up Seven fingers.”
~ “It seems he is not as good of a thief as he imagines himself to be.”
“I've been thiefing for as long as I can remember, learned from the best, 'ol Five Fingers.”
“Um…he is holding up only two fingers on each hand.”
~ “I am learning why the Academy skipped this personage.”
“So, we get some kind of advance so I can buy gear? Oh hey, I got some buddies who would be perfect for this kind of work, if you give me their advances too I'll go get 'em. So a crown huh? Never tried to knock off the King before but how hard could it be?”
“Blessed Corfard, it would appear he did not read exactly what this mission was for.”
~ “No, Adept. Some Humans live such short lives that they find it easier to skip all the boring parts and look only for the exciting nuggets.”
“You know I like you, you really get me, you get the kind of work people around here should be doing. You know, walking in here I saw some faggy looking pirate guy in the next room over. I could tell from here that guys not half the thief I am. Bet he calls himself a scout. Hey, I'll do you guys a favor, free of charge. You hire me, right here, right now, plus my advance, and I'll pin six or seven rejection letters to that guys back for you. Saving you guys time is one of the many services I offer. So, do we have a deal? By the way, has anyone ever told you that you've got some real nice stuff in here? Real expensive looking.”
There was a muffled question coming from the table.
“What was that? My name? You sure do ask a lot of questions, huh?"
The image came to a stop and the hole sealed itself closed.
“Blessed Corfard. I would imagine that is the example of the kind of thief you would normally find, correct?”
~ “Yes Adept. But instead, we have a different type. More professional and hence, more dangerous.”
“But we can defeat him?”
~ “Of that I have no doubt, Adept. No doubt at all.”
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