PBEM - Application 1, Wyn/Elf

This was the first of the 3rd set of interludes I had the group do for homework. Pretty much I wanted them to write 2 paragraphs about what they told the Academy of Explorers that made them get hired over other potential applicants. This was the first one for Wyn. In addition, I had everyone also write the same amount for 1 applicant (not them) that was NOT hired.

Follows:

WYN

~ “I told you the elves would return one day.”

“So right, Blessed Corfard. Your magnificence is dwarfed only by your brilliance.” The Adept picked its reptilian head off the ground and stared up with adoring eyes at its lord and master. “What will we do, Blessed Corfard? We are so small and weak compared to your greatness.”

~ “Hmm,” its voice was like honey covered gravel flowing across a moonlight sea. “I wish to learn about them, I wish to learn from whence they came.”

“Both Jowass Holefays and Gowan Sukiht have had some revelations about them, Blessed Corfard.”

~ “Kobolds have their uses, but they are few and limited. True, but I think a peer further back would be best.”

“Oh mighty and most vigorous of all beings, Blessed Corfard, will you do this?”

~ “I will call on the seas of time, the waves of eternity, the twists of fate, to peel aside and show me what I wish to know.”

“oooooooOOOOoooooooo!”

~ “Yes, yes. Clean that up when you are done. Now…BEHOLD!”

The room crackled with energy and a bolt of lightning tore from the sky and slammed down on the ground before the Adept, tearing the air asunder with the stench of burnt paper and ozone. Through the tear, a hole could be seen and in it a room with a half dozen older men and women in a well lit room where a mulleted molten sun colored hair elf in crude clothing was standing before a small table.

“Blessed Corfard! My eyes are disturbed! What is this that I am seeing?”

~ “The Elf, Wyn D’Endee,” came the reply, tinged with disgust and derision. “On the day he was to be assigned by the Academy of Explorers to be sent here.”

“For what?”

~ “To kill us all. Elves are nothing but murderers and thieves.”

“Blessed Corfard, I am frightened.”

~ “My presence will protect you. Let us see.”

The scene inside the torn up air shift and began to play, sounds echoed forth and the figures within moved. “Blessed Corfard! Such wonders.”

~ “Thank you, Adept. We are getting good download speeds, around 110 Mbps.”

“Blessed Corfard says things this worm is too stupid to understand.”

~ “It’s ok. Analog issues in a digital age. At least you aren’t 8 bit.”

“No Blessed Corfard. I wasn’t bit at all. But I did have to burn a web.”

~ “Not necessary, Adept. Next time just use a different proxy server.”

“Blessed Corfard?”

“Never mind, let us listen.”

"So, Master Wyn, what makes you the best candidate out of the other choices to be entrusted with this mission? Why you?"

The elf squared his shoulders and turned his attention to the members behind the table. “What be de mix ov dis group yous be puttin' togedder? Iffin it be 'umans, dwarves, en maybe a 'alflin', den Wyn be de elf dat cen round it out.”

“Blessed Corfard? I don’t quite understand elven apparently. Is there a way to translate this for me?”

~ “Hmm, let me check…Language is set to ‘Common.’ Let me see, damned remote, Ah! Heavy Accents is defaulted.”

“Can you fix it, Blessed Corfard?”

~ “No, apparently it falls just barely under the legal qualification of Common and in today’s climate, we cannot disparage against others ethnicity and cultural leaning. We will just have to pay attention carefully.”

Unlike odder elves, we swamp elves best at dealin wit de odder races. We cen listen to all opinions en respect de skills ov odders, encouragin' dem no madder dere race. Is dis topical? Oui. Oui. But it 'as been proven before deze recent events.

“He certainly sounds arrogant, Blessed Corfard.”

~ “True, all elves are known for their lack of humility and self-recognition. Listen onward.”

I cen shoot a bow good and know de dabblins of majeek en sword play. I also good wit de nature knowledge en got me sum sharp 'earing. But you get dat wit most elves. Me spellwork will work good in dis mission, Lighting up passages and Detecting de Majeeks around de castle, so dat sets Wyn apart, too...

“Blessed Corfard, we have done such a thing to the group’s Fighter.”

~ “Excellent, Adept! I am aware of that. We should blind them all and pluck out their eyes. But wait, he continues to speak.”

“He does that a lot, Blessed Corfard.”

But me greatest strength lies wit me ability to encourage odders to keep movin', keep ideas flowin' wit de problem solving, en 'elpin' odders to stra-tee-gize en make sure dere voices are 'eard. Most elves also not be carin' bout odder races or tink dey cen just do betta on dey own. Wyn also be good at keepin' de discord or-gan-ized. Most elves don't know what dat even means! Dat why Wyn be de elf for dis job. I gar-ron-tee.

The image froze and the Adept looked up with wonder. “Blessed Corfard, that was indeed wondrous.”

~ “Indeed. If the Academy sent this elf at us, I am also interested in seeing about any other elf who did not come at us.”

“Can you do that, Blessed Corfard?”

~ “Yes, Adept…BEHOLD! Hmmm…Seems to be part of ‘Special Features’. No direct observation. Ah! We have a ‘Behind the Scene Moment with Brendon’ that dictates what we are looking for. Let us just queue that up…and…Ok. Ahem…BEHOLD!!”

The view changed to that as seen over the left shoulder of a man with a nautical look to him. He was looking through the slit in the curtain at the same stage that Wyn the Elf had just been on earlier. This time there was another elf there and even though the man, Brendon, didn’t actually speak, his voice could be heard coming through the video split as if he was thinking it.

I would have never believed it had I not seen it with my own eyes. It was wearing all red clothing and stood a little over 5 feet tall. I say it because I couldn’t tell what it was. Green hair with a tinted streak of bright orange. It was too tall to be a hobbit or a Dorfs, which lead me to think it was an human female. Did I mention it reeked of geranium?

“Blessed Corfard, what is a geranium?”

~ “A person from Gerania, Adept. I thought this was about an elf? Let us listen more.”

Why would she do this to herself and to apply for an adventure like this? She’s going to leave a scent for everything to follow and become the dinner of some critter. She started to talk in a low tone almost a whisper. Poor girl was probably abused as a child, low self-esteem I’d guess. “My name is Petlan Jaggalo, I am fourth born son on D’anldt R’Uump and proud house elf. I have served as a house elf for many years to a long line of scribes”.

SON !!?

HOUSE ELF!!?   

WHAT THE FUCK IS A HOUSE ELF!!?

~ “Hmm, haven’t heard of one of those since that transgender with the foot fetish Dobby sold out to Blessed Rowling.”

“Blessed Corfard?”

~ “Sorry, let’s watch.”

“I’m ever so comfortable in any position,” Blessed Corfard snickered here but the scene continued to play, “in the house but I prefer a shelf. I love playing games with kids like Freeze. That’s when I stop moving and they have to guess what I’ve been up to. I’ve been known to get into all sorts of mischief. I especially like the winter holidays are so very special to me, oh the eons of memories I have. I think I can bring excitement to any adventure.”

The scene ended and the Adept looked around disturbed. “Blessed Corfard? Why are elves so terribly terribly cruel, off putting, and hurtfully disturbing?”

~ “Little Adept, even the gods have no idea to that.” The hole shrunk down and eventually closed, taking the last image of the smiling elf away. “Let us be thankful that we ended up with Wyn and not…that one.”

“Agreed!”