This was a bonus one. I had the group write, if they wanted, about the Halfling that had not made the party (B/X has 7 choices, the Halfling was the unoffered one) and I filled in a bunch myself. Enjoy!
Follows:
HALFLING
“Blessed Corfard? What is the matter?”
~ “What’s the matter?! Adept, my sweet innocent Adept…I have just learned that Travis, my Spy…has been SLAIN!”
“Oh no! By who?”
~ “…Are…Are you joking?”
“No, Blessed Corfard. I wonder who would dare to strike out at the Spy and risk your ire.”
~ “…Adept. There are…you have been here while I’ve been…”
“Blessed One?”
~ “The Adventuring Party? The Murderers? Strike any bells?”
“Oh! You think?”
~ “Why do I even bother…Yes! Yes you lowly worm, I DO think! Who the hell else would it be then?”
“I don’t know, Blessed One! That’s why I asked you.”
~ “Of all the mother…Fine. Fine. My Divine Will has revealed the answer to you. The murderous scum have killed Travis, my Spy.”
“They shall pay for this transgression, Blessed Corfard.”
~ “And they shall. Although it might be a bit longer to make them pay since my goblin skulker has been taken out. Never matter, it’s just another insult they have heaped against me and my followers here at the Murderer’s Castle. Their reckoning will come.”
“Could we also say, they will rue the day?”
~ “We can, Adept.”
“Their chickens will come home to roost?”
~ “…Yes…that as well.”
“Vengeance shall be ours?”
~ “Yes, yes, yes. All of that, Adept. All of that and more. The 6 of them will answer to me before this matter gets too old.”
“Blessed One?”
~ “Yes?”
“That was something that always bothered me. There are 6 of them here.”
~ “Excellent math and parroting skills, my Adept.”
“Thank you, Blessed One. Should see me ace a cognitive test as well.”
~ “Sounds presidential.”
“Anyway. Isn’t the standard grouping of adventurers 7?”
~ “Actually is the 4 canon classes. It’s just that there are 7 distinct choices that had been offered after the expansion from the brown boxes.”
“Blessed One?”
~ “Never mind. It’s not important. In a way, you are correct. If the Academy was looking to maximize their chances of success, they should have expanded the team to include a full roster of seven adventurers covering all the aspects and options.”
“I wonder why they did not?”
~ “Hmmm. I as well…Adept!”
“Yes, Blessed Corfard?”
~ “ I believe it is time for me once more to cast my divine will backwards through the etherflow of time and reveal to us the mystery of the missing personage from the Adventuring Group.”
“Blessed One! Show me! Show me!”
~ “I shall. I command you forces of the eternal; wrench yourself from the rigid polarity you are enslaved to and answer my will with a bend upon the pillars of the firmament. I open the gates to the world that WAS, to show to us here, in the world that IS, the interviews that were with the Academy and the untaken adventuring type, the Halfling…BEHOLD!!”
The air split open and there was a rolling thunderous wave that seemed to reach from one end of the sky to the other. The ground quivered and waves of photons billowed out from the torn hole like an oily plasma, stray prismatic lights bouncing around wildly.
~ “Ah…fuck.”
“Blessed One?”
~ “I…I fucked up, Little Adept.”
“I don’t understand.”
~ “My fault, my fault. Normally I ask for a specific window to the past, and here I forget to limit it on that. So there will be every interview the Academy had done for this adventure with Halflings who wanted to come.”
“Oh my! Surely there can’t be that many?”
~ “We shall see. I’ll do what I can to keep it in order. Right now my CPU is overclocked and at risk of burning up. I’ve added a second heat sink and turned on the watercooler module as well. Luckily I have enough RAM and the V-card is an Nvidia Quadro so we should be good to go.”
“The Blessed One again speaks in the language of the gods.”
~ “I get it. Ok… first one is coming through.”
“Oh! The figure is so small!”
~ “Let us listen.”
"So, Halfling, what makes you the best candidate out of the other choices to be entrusted with this mission? Why you?"
The figure appearing was elfin in his appearance with a furry vest and carrying a 4’ long forked sling staff. He was moving about in quick little bursts of speed, a long topknot bouncing back and forth. “So I’m between jobs right now and looking for something to do that could use my talents because nothing makes me feel like I’m not adding to making things better if I’m not out there helping. Always helping and helping, that’s what Flint says. Flint is my best buddy in the whole world even though he’s dead and is up there with Reorx waiting at the forge for me or something like that. I don’t know, I’m not real big on dwarven ideas of the afterlife and what’s going to happen when you die which I hope happens to me a long long long long long time from now. And then add on some more time because dying sounds bad and I almost died from a poison spider bite but I was healed by my friend Raist who isn’t a cleric but a wizard and isn’t friendly but I’ve known him for a long time and he threatened to hang me upside down over a deep hole unless I stopped talking but I think he was kidding. So anyway, I’m Tass and I’d love to go on an adventure with whoever you want me to.”
“Holy shit!”
~ “I know! Did he even breathe?”
“I think, Blessed One, that he had to have gills or an extra lung in his leg because he just did not shut up.”
~ “I don’t think there is any explanation why he did not get assigned to the group. Here comes the next interview.
The image shifted to show what appeared to be a human male without any legs talking to the 6 council members. Even though he was being interviewed, his voice was not heard but a deeper voice, sounding similar to Kovid’s, could be heard narrating the exchange.
“Oh, another one of these voice overs.”
~ “It happens, Adept.”
“Halfling? Oh! Hahaha, yes! There was this guy in full, well not full, but in armor. Shorter than me, yeah. I’m not sure he was a halfling though. The guy said he used to be some kind of Paladin or something.”
“What’s a paladin, Blessed One?”
~ “In other worlds, it’s a derogatory term for an ‘unfun virgin’.”
“Sounds dreadful.”
“Story he told was about some terrible dungeon. Grue I think he said, took his legs clean off. One swipe…. His party was able to get the stubs cauterized somehow and get out. Walks on his hands now, little fella. I think they just let him in for the interview to cover their own arses and look good to the rest of the board. No discrimination policy or whatever. He had no business being there really. He told me straight out he wasn’t even that good of a soldier before the accident! Can you believe that? Said his name was Gabriel Something or other.”
“So he was a cripple, and virginal, and unfun, and not a Halfling, Blessed One.”
~ “And a good reason he was not included then.”
“Sounds horrible!”
The image shifted again to show a small figure waddling a bit, holding a white wrapped bundle in one arm a red haired baby peeking out, a walking staff in the other, his blue shirt a bit worn and a tired hopeless look on his face.
“Um, Blessed One? A baby?”
~ “I cannot believe he brought a child to a job interview.”
“So, I’m looking for some job that will pay me quick. I have to get this baby to Finn Razel and the rest of my travelling companions have gone home. It’s hard being a Nelwyn out here and I suspect that without a good adventuring group for me to hook up with, Daikini or not, I won’t be able to take care of Alora.”
“He uses strange terms to refer to himself, Blessed One.”
~ “That he does. I assume it’s for flavor as it doesn’t seem to have a peck of need for the terms he uses.”
“And that baby? I would image he stole it.”
~ “It certainly is too tall to be a Halfling baby. But, for all his weirdness, he is a competent magic user.”
“Really Blessed One?”
~ “Trust me, I can tell.”
“What can I do? I’m a sorcerer. Well..not really a real real type sorcerer. But I do know a few tricks.”
~ “You know what? Scratch that. He has the spark of magic but sounds like a moron.”
“I’ll be hanging out at the Crossroads if you need me. The rooms here are too expensive and there is a mad looking chatty warrior in the crowcage hanging there that I promised to go and keep company with while I wait for an answer.”
“Sounds like he was on his adventure already, Blessed One.”
~ “Indeed, Adept.”
The image shifted again to show a dark brown haired Halfling sitting on a dark road, a chain around his neck, sad expression on his face, holding the chain away from him to look at the golden ring dangling there.
~ “Nope, nope, nope.”
“Blessed One?”
~ “Going to skip right past this one.”
The image shifted again to show a short and almost obese Halfling hanging out in the Common Room of the tavern, wandering from table to table and poking his eyes and fingers around other people’s plates and belongings.
“Ugh. Didn’t know they came that wide.”
~ “That is what happens when a Halfling loses his or her self-control.
A voice was heard talking as the Halfling wandered the room, not coming from the figures within but heard as a voice over. “I seem to remember the li’l guy was eating a lot in the ‘One Nut Hangs Lower Inn’. He didn’t speak much except for the occasional ‘you gonna eat that?’. He was about one foot shorter then Korvid and well groomed."
“Sounds like a flashback more than anything else.”
~ “True. And this Halfling is shown with various other members of the Adventuring Group. Perhaps he knew them or was tentatively employed?”
“I remember Wyd suggesting we all turn in for the night, to get a good night’s rest thing. We were getting up from the table when again I heard ‘you gonna eat that’, then he said ‘I’ll be up in a second, I wanna finish what Landris left.’ “
“Blessed One, whoever is doing this voice over has done a terrible job researching the party since he has mangled most of the names he has said.”
~ “True, Adept. And there are numerous typos but thankfully they have been scrubbed out for the purposes of this showing.”
“The next morning the li’l guy was sitting at the table waving us over. ‘You gotta eat before you go. You don’t know when you’re gonna get food like this.’ We talked about the mission as we ate, ‘you gonna eat that’ gathered up his packs and headed off. I think we left the li’l guy behind. Too bad, he would have loved the meat room.”
~ “That is typically a problem with Halflings, I’ve been told. Is that they get lost in the food aspect of the adventure and tend to put on weight.
The image shifted again to show a Halfling woman in leather armor that was too tight for her as her midsection and prodigious lower extremities and thighs looked like they were going to burst free at any moment. She swung a sling absently as she spoke to the councilors, had a mop of shoulder length curly hair, a curious tattoo of something with tentacles just visible on her arm, and an infectious smile. But, there was something in the back of her eyes that was unsettling.
“Oh my, Blessed One.”
~ “Yes. This one looks like trouble.”
“Sybil is the name and I am looking to join a group. A good group, just like my last group. They were great, terrific, the best friends one could ever want. It feels like forever since I’ve seen them last. I mean I hear from them now and again but it’s not the same as actually adventuring with them. You ever have friends? Of course you’ve had them. Everyone has. One can always use more friends. I’d be your friend. Even if you don’t pick me for this adventure, which would be a terrible mistake, I’d still be your friend. I’ve been friends with lots of people. Cyclops. Giants. Trolls. Dwarves. I’m well versed and my best friend is Dizzy. He was used as a dildo and vibrator by the giant so we could get a sheep. But it was worth it because the guy we got the sheep for went to jail. But hey, I know that we’ll always have the memories to keep us warm.”
~ “That, Adept, is a prime example of ‘Crazy Girl’.”
“She was certainly unsettling to me, Blessed One.”
~ “Best advice, just lose her number if you have it and forget to contact her again, should you find the Halfling leech like that in your circle of companions.”
The image shifted again to show another Halfling, heavily cloaked and looking around the room with furtive glances. He had stains on his sleeves and chin, and there was the tell-tale sign of a short sword occasionally poking from under his cloak.
“This one looks…messy.”
~ “At least he isn’t tending towards obese.”
A voice over sounded as scenes of the Halfling flitted through the displayed image one after another. “The Halfling was a very curious fellow. Eating and disappearing was like everything he did. Short curled locks of hair, about half my size. He was stopping us like every other hour to have some food. Strangely he was very quiet. Often times he would disappear and we would lose him for hours until we would find him by the sound of his snoring.”
“Doesn’t sound like a responsible team member.”
~ “No he does not, Adept.”
“He had really fast hands Señor, I tell you. He would steal fruits and whole pies from vendors and bakers the moment they turned around and then he was gone. Like magic he would disappear and we would have to wait for the snores to begin again. He'd usually have some jelly, syrup, or chocolate all over his face, like a little kid with cake.”
“No real surprise why he was not in this party.”
~ “No. Children are to be looked at and eaten if too unruly, not indulged and allowed to join adventuring parties.”
“Words to parent and live by, Blessed One.”
The image shifted again to show a dark haired Halfling covered in bits of spider webbing and grit, holding a sword in one hand on some mountainous area, his other grabbing a chain off his neck with a golden ring dangling from it, his eyes fixated on it, brows beetled, mouth open slightly and a look of yearning hunger in his eyes.
~ “Oh really?! Again! Nope, nope, nope. Let’s skip this guy. Not going to happen.”
“Is that the same one from before, Blessed Corfard?”
~ “Yep. And we have enough problems without getting this yabbo mixed up in our narrative.”
The image shifted again to show a village with numerous colorful homes and an almost artificial looking sky behind them. A Halfling with a childlike look to him was holding an oversized lollypop and had a squint and sneer on his face at the same time. He had an oversized silk bowtie and a pair of German dancing pants but no armor.
“What the hell?”
~ “I…I have no words.”
“Me? I’m Gustav, and I represent the Lollypop Guild. I’m an enforcer of it, you know? I do things with a lollypop that make other people uncomfortable. Need a lollypop shoved up an orc’s ass? I’m your guy. Need a witch beaten to death with a lollypop? I can do that. I have a hitch in my step from dodging a falling house in my younger days but it hasn’t had any effect on my eyes, my speed, or my ability to ram an oversized lollypop into places that you don’t expect a lollypop to he rammed into.”
~ “There are something that make you feel bad for a species when you see it with your own eyes.”
“I can see why no Halflings made it on this adventure, Blessed One.”
The image shifted again to show a short Halfling, almost gnomish looking, sitting alone in the tavern, one foot kicked up on the side of the table. He had almost no belongings and from the look of the rest of the room, no one wanted to sit with him. He was holding a pair of short sticks in his hand and had an apple pie and a mug of beer in front of him.
“Well, this fellow seems a bit lonely.”
~ “True. It appears he was left behind.”
The Halfling peered around as if he was looking for someone and then shook his head sadly. Idly he picked up his sticks, stared at them, and then smiled broadly, smacking them together twice and shouting out, “Clang! Clang!” before sitting back down to take another bite of his pie.
~ “Wow. That is just so…”
“Sad, Blessed One?”
~ “I was going to say Pathetic.”
The image shifted again to show a curly dark haired brown Halfling standing before an open lava vent, numerous scratches, cuts, and wounds marring his crazed and wild eyed face. He was staring back at another Halfling who was fairly well built but was carrying about 25 extra unneeded pounds. He had a chain around his neck that he was holding out at arm’s length, a golden ring dangling from the end of it, and an unhinged and hateful consumed look in his eyes.
~ “Stop! How does he keep coming up? No, no, no. Next, Skip, Fast Forward.”
“I feel so bad for that Halfling, Blessed Corfard.”
~ “Trust me, Adept. There is precious little you need to worry about regarding that one. Just be happy he’s not on this adventure.”
The image shifted one last time to show a bearded Halfling standing before the councilors. He had a long scar cutting diagonally across his face and was wearing well fitting finery with a lion motif sewn in it, addressing the 6 councilors while holding a flagon of wine in his hands.
“He looks…familiar, Blessed One.”
~ “Hmm, I agree.”
“Halfling? Do I look like a Halfling? I’m a dwarf, been one all my life. It’s hard enough being unloved by your father, spurned by your sister, and knowing that your birth killed your mother. It would be enough to drive one to drink. And if that’s one thing I do, it’s drink. I drink, and I know things. As for your offer of an adventure, I’d have to pass. Sounds like something I might have done in my younger days but now I’d like to be more careful and not die horribly in some hole underground far away. Nope, if given the chance I’d rather die in my own bed, with a belly full of wine, and a maiden's mouth around my cock, at the age of eighty.”
Finally the hole slammed closed with a crackle and the smell of ozone faded away.
“Blessed One, I can see now why there are no Halflings in the Adventuring Party.”
~ “And after seeing the choices that were offered, I think we can all be happy about it as well.”
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