This was the 4th application of the set of interludes I had the group do for homework. I had them to write 2 paragraphs about what they told the Academy of Explorers that made them get hired over other potential applicants. In addition, I had everyone also write the same amount for 1 applicant (not them) that was NOT hired.
Follows:
.ABRAXAS
“Blessed Corfard?”
~ ”Yes, Adept?”
“What is it you are doing?”
~ “Modifying this Warhammer minifig."
“Blessed Corfard, that is not a Warhammer.”
~ “No, my child. It is the company I purchased it from.”
“Oh.”
~ “I should have not been such a purest though and just gotten an applicable rep from Reaper. Would have saved more than half.”
“I am…Your Blessed one can reap all those who stand before him.”
~ “Reap? No, child. Reaper.”
“Male or female, your magnificence can reap anyone.”
~ “Never mind. I am having a hard time getting the heads to swap. You would think it would be easy enough to make a Bretonnian mummy riding a manticore but shows what I know.”
“You know everything that is needed to know, Blessed Corfard.”
~ “Quite. Let’s get out of here though, I’ve heard that too much build up of glue fumes can play havoc on your breathing.”
“Is that why you had the windows open and those zombies waving fans around?”
~ “Yes, Adept. Only a fool would use glue that he or she has a bad reaction to in an enclosed space. And even do it twice.”
“So correct, Blessed Corfard.”
~ “And speaking of fools, it is time for us to learn the origin of the next personage from the adventuring group in our castle.”
“I am concerned, Blessed Corfard. We have not heard from the K’bold Shaman, Grilljax, today yet.”
~ “I too wonder.”
“Is it possible that they had encountered the Shaman?”
~ “I will convene with the Spy later this day and hopefully we will get some updated information. But for now, let us deal with matters we can address. So let me expend my divine will, and push back on the barriers that gird the realms of beast and men. Allow my want to be manifest and reveal to us the original interview of Abraxas Salazar…BEHOLD!!”
The room quivered with unbridled energy and a crackle of lightning stroked down from the sky, slamming to the cobbled earth the two figures stood upon, shredding the air with the stink of ozone and charred wood. Through the tear, a hole could be seen and in it a well lit room with a half dozen older men and women standing about, with a solidly built fighter in metal armor and a sword sheathed at his side.
~ “Ah, there is the Fighter in question.”
“Blessed Corfard does the impossible every time. I am a worm compared to your august presence.”
~ “Please, Adept. We are all who we are. Some are just greater and others are not. What matters is that we do the best we can and that we give unwavering fealty on pain of death to those better and stronger than yourself.”
“I shall, Blessed Corfard! I do!”
~ “I know, Adept. I know. Shall we listen to hear about this Abraxas?”
“Let us, please.”
"So, Master Abraxas, what makes you the best candidate out of the other choices to be entrusted with this mission? Why you?"
~ “I am curious on this matter.”
“Why Blessed One?”
~ “The Fighter is the both the most common and most important person in an adventuring party. Anyone with 60 gold pieces can string together a set of Chainmail, a Shield, and a Normal Sword and call himself a fighter. You don’t have to exert yourself beyond combat situations, and even if you are a poor roleplayer with no imagination, you can stand in the front and whack things with your metal weapon until it dies.”
“Blessed Corfard does not have much respect for the Fighter, then?”
~ “And that’s the other piece, Adept. I do. Because a Fighter is the most required person in the party. Without him or her, the other classes cannot do their job. The thief cannot set up to backstab, the wizard has no one to hide behind to cast spells, and the cleric can take blows but isn’t even close to the Fighter in regards to hit points and attack bonus. The Fighter always has the best to hits and does the most damage so anyone who stands before it is in danger of ending up dead in no time.”
“So this Abraxas, he is good, yes?”
~ “So it would seem. Let us listen.”
Why would I make a good adventureres? Es mas facil, señors. Necesito dinero y tengo fuerza mucho.
“Um…what?”
~ “Hold on. Hold on. We had this problem with the Babykiller Elf earlier, remember? Let me check…Set Up…Languages…That’s odd. Both Common and Spangommon are checked. Let me see…No…No…Damned remote. Best I can do, Adept, is subtitles on the bottom.”
“Blessed Corfard, I despise subtitles.”
~ “I agree. If I wanted to read something, I’d pick up a book. Nothing to do for it. Let us rewind this a bit and let it run its course.”
Why would I make a good adventureres? Es mas facil, señors. Necesito dinero y tengo fuerza mucho.
[Why would I make a good adventurer? It’s easy, gentlemen. I need money and I am very strong.]
~ “Ugh, my immersion. Let us continue to muddle through this.”
I can carry whatever the group needs of me, and have never lost a fight.
[I can carry whatever the group needs of me, and have never lost a fight.]
“Blessed Corfard? There was no reason to subtitle that sentence.”
~ “I know, I know. Just make believe there was, ok?”
“This is truly stretching my patience.”
~ “We will both have to deal.”
Granted, most of my experience is in bar fights, usually after defeating un o dos bad hombres. I can swing a sword better than most men at the docks. I can certainly punch better than all of them.
[Granted, most of my experience is in bar fights, usually after defeating one or two bad guys. I can swing a sword better than most men at the docks. I can certainly punch better than all of them.]
~ “As had been indicated earlier. He is more of a laborer that a professional fighting man.”
“But he was picked for this mission.”
~ “I would imagine he was chosen for necessity and the fact he would be willing to work cheaply on contingency. Let us listen further.”
I definitely could use some extra coin after the incident at the docks. But as we say at the harbor, "Ships come in, ships go out, as long as we've got work, what's there to worry about?"
[I definitely could use some extra coin after the incident at the docks. But as we say at the harbor, "Ships come in, ships go out, as long as we've got work, what's there to worry about?"]
“Blessed Corfard. He just seems so easy going.”
~ “True, Adept. I would also go far as to say easy going and confident in his skills. See how has no need to embellish his capabilities? Sign of a fighter who knows what he is capable of without any braggadocio.”
And right now there's no work. So my boss sent me here. Where do I sign up? I will do just about anything for some coin these days.
[And right now there's no work. So my boss sent me here. Where do I sign up? I will do just about anything for some coin these days.]
The image froze showing the council members all nodding to one another.
~ “And there we go. A mixture of confidence, need, hardship, and strength.”
“This Abraxas and his situation had that in its entirety.”
~ “Very much so, Adept. Sometimes it is best to get the best overall person for the job instead of someone who might have a few stellar aspects but a paucity of character strengths.”
“Blessed Corfard uses words like a five silver whore uses her…”
~ “Yes, Adept. Yes. And from your words, you do not.”
“I am sorry, Blessed One.”
~ “It is ok. Let us see though what an example of a Fighter that was not chosen was like? I bent the cosmos once more to my whim and shuffle the flow of time to reveal to us…BEHOLD!!”
The view changed again to the same room but this time there was a younger man with a nervous gleam in his eye, wearing a set of chainmail, carrying a shield, and sporting a sword. All the items appeared to be gleaming and new.
~ “Ah! As I said earlier. Any fool with 60 gold pieces can put together a basic fighter outfit. Let us see what this one has to say.”
"Bring in the next fighter please!"
["Bring in the next fighter please!"]
~ “Wait, wait, wait. Let me turn off subtitles…ok.”
“Thank you, Blessed One.”
~ “De nada.”
“Excuse me?”
~ “I said…ugh, subtitles are off. Never mind.”
“Blessed One?”
~ “Shhh.”
"Um, hi... I'm here to, uh, fight? I guess?"
"Yes, that is why you are here. Please tell us why we should choose you."
"Oh, um, well, the thing is... you probably shouldn't."
"Excuse me?"
"Yeah... I'm not really sure I'm the best guy for the job here."
“Blessed Corfard? Is this the way one would go about getting a job? Is he doing a negative thing to drum up interest?”
~ “No, Adept. See the sweat on his lip? The shifting of his eyes? The tremor in his leg? I honestly believe he is terrified of the possibility of going on an adventure.”
“Then why would he do it, Blessed Corfard?
~ “I do not know. Let us find out.”
"Well then why in Aine's name are you here?"
~ “Seems they want to know as well.”
"My dad? M-my dad told me I had to at least try to interview for this job."
"Who is your dad?" One of the other council members leans over before the young man can answer and whispers to him. "The magistrate?! You’re the magistrate's son?" The young fighter nods slowly prompting the older dwarf on the council to mutter, “Thor’s mighty love sack.”
“Blessed Corfard, does Thor keep his mighty love in a sack?”
~ “…You know what? I’ll answer that and the physiology of mammalian creatures and their reproductive organs another time, Adept.”
“I await that conversation.”
~ “That makes one of us.”
"Ok... but you ARE a fighter, right?"
"Yes."
"Good with a sword?"
"Ye... well, I'm ok, bu..."
"Right, ok. And can you take a hit?"
"Good enough, I gu..."
"And how do you feel about hiking days through the woods, past wild dogmen, to an old castle covered in magic, with only enough food to last you a few days, then fighting off dozens of kobolds, goblins, and other assorted creatures, while remaining days from civilization and potential help, risking life and limb for the chance to split a few hundred gold?"
“Blessed Corfard, it seems that the council is trying to dissuade this Fighter from going on the mission.”
~ “Indeed. As I said, the Fighter is the most important person in the party because if he or she cannot do her job, the other members suffer needlessly for it. By showing the young fighter what is awaiting him, he can make his own decision to vacate this possible posting.”
“Pretty smart.”
~ “Good planning on the council to help guarantee the mission has a better chance of success.”
"W... we... well..."
"Yes, son. Speak up?! How does that sound to you?"
"That sounds horrible!"
"Great. So you're here to get a job because you dad told you to?" The young fighter can be seen nodding furiously, barely keeping his emotions together. "Is this your first time applying?"
"Second," voice cracking on the second syllable.
~ “I believe he will need to oil his chainmail after this interview since it’s safe to assume he has peed in it.”
"Wow. Ok, but you can take a hit or two if necessary?"
"I, uh, I guess so?"
"Sigh. Yes or no, son. What would your dad want you to say?"
"Yes?"
"Good. How about we start you on a caravan and see how that goes? How does that sound?"
"Good?"
"Great. You can pick up your startling funds for the caravan job down the hall. Not as big as this castle trek, but it should get you the food you need." The Fighter stood up, bewildered and started to walk out of the room. "Oh! And son?"
"Y-yes?"
"Tell your dad he owes me one."
With that the image froze, faded from view, and the hole closed up with a hissing spray of sparks.
“Blessed Corfard. It would have been better to have that fighter in the group arraigned against us.”
~ “True, Adept. It would have been. But we must deal with the situation that has been given to us. It’s nice to want something to be different.”
“Like changing heads and other features on miniatures for the Blessed Corfard’s army?”
~ “…”
“Blessed Corfard?”
~ “…”
“Oh. I have angered you, Blessed One. I…I will leave now.”
~ “Yes Adept. You should.”
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