This was the 5th application of the set of interludes I had the group do for homework. I had them to write 2 paragraphs about what they told the Academy of Explorers that made them get hired over other potential applicants. In addition, I had everyone also write the same amount for 1 applicant (not them) that was NOT hired.
Follows:
LYRA
~ “Adept, come in please.”
“Yes, Blessed Corfard.”
~ “Adept, did you take this bottle and open it?”
“Yes I did, Blessed Corfard.”
~ “Why?”
“It was on the Cooling Slab and I was thirsty for a drink.”
~ “Adept, I have told you before, that any containers on the Cooling Slab are mine and not for the general consumption of the Ispan’s Castle to imbibe.”
“Actually, Blessed Corfard, you expressly informed the gathered denizens last week that anything that has YOUR name upon it is not for the general consumption.”
~ “A technicality, Adept.”
“But it is the crux of this matter. I saw the beverage, one of half a dozen of them, in the folded thick paper carrying container, on the Cooling Slab, and Blessed Corfard, your name is not Coors so I knew that the drink was not yours.”
~ “…”
“Blessed Corfard is cross?”
~ “Very.”
“But Blessed Corfard still has 5 of the original 6 beverages to imbibe on his own.”
~ “Sigh, Adept, it is the principle of the thing. I was anticipating drinking all 6 and now even if I do drink the remaining 5 and enjoy them, part of me will feel short changed and put out that my possible enjoyment will be only 5/6th of its possible greatest whole.”
“Then for robbing the Blessed Corfard of 1/6th of his future enjoyment, this Adept can only apologize.”
~ “Are you…are you mocking me?”
“Blessed Corfard! I would never mock you.”
~ “Hmm…”
“Allow me to offer you some of my gnomish candy covered chocolate morsels to make up for the shortfall you would be feeling from missing one of the pack of six.”
~ “Are they the ones with the legume in the center?”
“Yes, Blessed Corfard. It is a waste to eat the lesser kind.”
~ “Excellent. You have appeased me, Adept.”
“I live to serve.”
~ “Perfect. And speaking of those that serve, we shall now peer through the veil and learn about the original interview of the one who serves for the murdering group visiting us.”
“The serving wench?”
~ “No, Adept. Actually, yes! The cleric, Lyra Adder. As the cleric in the party, she has a conduit to her goddess that allows her to perform acts of miracles as need be.”
“As we do in your name, Blessed Corfard.”
~ “That is true. So let us delve into the space between worlds, and rip asunder the astral veil that permeates the planes, so that my divine will can channel the past into the present and reveal to us the original interview of Lyra Adder…BEHOLD!!”
The room quivered with unbridled energy and a rumble of thunder filled the room as a burst of electricity shredded the air in the great room, pulsing out with streamers of blinding ozone and plasma. Through the tear, a hole could be seen and in it a well lit room with a half dozen older men and women standing about, while an armored woman with a long face was standing at attention before them.
“Blessed Corfard never ceases to amaze this lowly worm.”
~ “Quite right, Arise, Adept. Look upon that creature.”
“She is not an attractive figure.”
~ “No human is. Their eyes are too set apart, their noses are comical, their teeth have a paucity of canines, and their skin is like fermented yak’s milk in a sheep’s bladder.”
“Disgusting.”
~ “True. But let us listen as to what this Cleric offered to the Academy.”
"So, Priestess Lyra, what makes you the best candidate out of the other choices to be entrusted with this mission? Why you?"
“I would assume there was some combat involved.”
~ “Why would you think that, Adept?”
“When we seek to become touched by the gods, it often involves a handful of us to enter a chamber and armed with only our faith and fury, defeat the other applicants to be advanced to the next stage.”
~ “I don’t believe humans do that when becoming an acolyte or getting ordained.”
“Shame, it might cut down on some of the less worldly clergy and their influences.”
~ “That is true. Lyra speaks.”
"Well, I'm the obvious choice. Every adventuring party needs a cleric.”
~ “A valid point.”
“Unless they have a rich benefactor and are willing to purchase a case of healing potions.”
“It's not like there's that many clerics out there.”
“Is that true, Blessed One?”
~ “Adventuring Clerics, touched by their gods? Very true.”
“When you compare us to... well let's say thieves, There's a ton of thieves. Probably too many, if you ask me.”
“Is she getting down on thieves?”
~ “ I am not sure. I would imagine she’s being hyperbolic in this case.”
“Not a whole lot of clerics running around offering their services outside of the church. I'd say we're a hot commodity. The party would be LUCKY to have me."
“She certainly has the arrogance part of being a Cleric down.”
~ “Well, until Third edition, Charisma was a dump stat.”
“Blessed one?”
~ “Nevermind.”
"I guess if you want some more specifics though, I'm not only a cleric but a follower of AINE.”
~ “It’s weird, Adept, but I can hear the capitalization when she speaks, can’t you?”
“Same, Blessed Corfard. It’s like she is trying to convince herself as well as others.
~ “You can tell her lack of character if she throws around buzzwords like ‘best’ or ‘I’m not going to lie’ or ‘good people on both sides.”
“Best Goddess around, you know?”
~ “Called it.”
“She usually never fails me, nor I her. We're both trustworthy. And... well I'm not going to lie…”
~ “Called it again.”
“…I find it satisfying to beat some things to an inch of their life - Aine willing.”
~ “And that is probably what tipped her into the ‘we’re going to hire this one’ pile. A Cleric and she is willing to take a dim view on Lawful when it comes to combat, assault, and battery?”
“It’s a shame that for a holy woman, her first go to is to go to violence instead of conversation or peaceful dialogue.”
“Not like... PEOPLE. Lesser things, like goblins and... goblin like things.”
“You know, Blessed Corfard? I am really insulted right now, and I am NOT a goblin!”
~ “Such naked hatred.”
“It's not an anger or a race thing, jeeze.”
“What’s jeeze, Blessed Corfard?”
~ “Most likely ejaculate.”
“Ugh. Mammals are disgusting.”
“They're all bottom feeding parasites anyway.”
“Wow, Blessed Corfard. Can I call her a bitch?”
~ “I think you would be remiss if you didn’t.”
“Did I mention I was a woman? Need your token female party member - lest you want to be labeled a misogynistic group."
The image froze showing the council members all nodding to one another.
~ “Well, I can only imagine she wanted to see how many offensive things she was able to get out in her three minute interview.”
“And to play the gender card at the end, I fell that was overkill, Blessed Corfard.”
~ “Perhaps. But like if you have an advantage in combat, would you not take it? Why should this situation be any different.”
“Perhaps the Academy felt pressured to taking her as the group’s cleric because she was a woman and not a more qualified applicant?”
~ “Ha! Little Adept. I cannot picture the council of learned scholars and academics making a decision to hire someone because of their gender in place of a better qualified person.”
“Maybe…I am still bothered.”
~ “Let us see the next best choice of Cleric that they did not take. Allow my will to warp the weave of time and shift the etherflow…BEHOLD!”
The view changed again to the same room but this time there was a dwarf there, wide of chest and smiling with a brown beard forked and braided down into his belt line.
“Blessed One, we have not done the dwarf yet, did we?”
~ “No Adept, I was saving him for last. So, a dwarven cleric? Let us see what his interview was like.”
The image in the hole did not change.
~ “Odd. The record of his interview exists but there is no direct evidence of it. Ah…let’s see… there is something in the Director’s Cut, Kovid as Admam Speal Speaks.”
“Who is that?”
~ “Not sure. Probably one of the extras that help behind the scenes. They give them a line in the credits and maybe a voice over about something interesting that occurred during a day of shooting.
“Blessed One again leaves me behind with his knowledge.”
~ “Worry not, Adept. Let us play this and hear what Kovid as Admam has to say about this Cleric that did not get hired.”
The image shifted to show the dwarf gesturing to the council members but nothing could be heard. Instead a voice sounded above the action and said, “Oh yeah, Glorvin. Glorvin was a Dwarf Cleric. Seemed nice enough. He went in right after my interview. He prayed to Thor too, so we had a nice little conversation beforehand and I waited for him to come out.”
~ “I would assume that Madman Spiel is related to Kovid, the party’s dwarf somehow.”
“Perhaps they are clutchmates?”
~ “Most likely closer.”
“Initially, he said he thought he did pretty well in the interview, but then it went south. The board rejected him. He would’ve been too similar to another member of the group” The image closed in on one of the councilors who leaned to the one on his right and whispered, ‘we’ve already got one of those.’ “Thor’s Balls I felt awful. I couldn’t bear to tell him I had just gotten the job.”
“So the dwarf did not get picked as the Cleric because their already was a dwarf in the party?”
~ “So it would seem.”
“That seems pretty short sighted.”
~ “Ha! Height joke. Dwarf. Funny Adept.”
“No, Blessed…you know what? Thanks! I live to amuse you.”
‘We need more diversity on this roster. It will look bad to Academy HR if we don’t hire a woman.’ he heard one of the members say as he walked out. Poor guy never had a shot.”
With that the image froze and faded from view, the hole closing up with a zipping sound and a final pop.
~ “Well, this has certainly revealed more to us about the murderers wandering the Castle and the thoughts that went into their makeup and hiring.”
“Blessed Corfard, I hope this also eventually helps us to understand how best to beat them.”
~ “Of that, have no doubt. You may leave, Adept.”
“Thank you, Blessed Corfard.”
~ “Adept?”
“Yes, Blessed One?”
~ “Leave the beverage.”
“Oh! My mistake, Blessed Corfard. I wasn’t aware I was…”
“Adept?”
“Um…Until later then.”
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