This site is an online accumulation of the Post Reports for my current ongoing D&D Campaign - for anyone who might be interested in reading them.

Monday, August 3, 2020

PBEM - Application 3, Lannis/Magic User

This was the 3rd application of the set of interludes I had the group do for homework. I had them to write 2 paragraphs about what they told the Academy of Explorers that made them get hired over other potential applicants. This was the one for Lannis, the Magic User, whose snark and irreverence is both entertaining and cutting. In addition, I had everyone also write the same amount for 1 applicant (not them) that was NOT hired.

Follows:

LANNIS

~ “Sometimes I forget the pleasure of just sitting in the sun, my child. Let that be a lesson for you, that small things are just as important as grand gestures.”

“As you say, Blessed Corfard.”

~ “Quite. Well, enough of this. Before I get my team together and try to get some loot drops around the Goodyhut, we should look at the next member of the group that has infiltrated the Castle.”

“It there a hut structure we are to look at next, Blessed Corfard?”

~ “No my child. I just hate when we parachute into the Island and I’m looking for a pizzagun and I end up with a loot piƱata instead. I mean energy drinks and level 3 backpacks are nice, but at the start of the game it would be nice to have a DP-28.”

“The Blessed Corfard has once again gone to places this Adept is unable to follow.”

~ “Worry not, child. My raid team isn’t for half a glass.”

“They must not be thirsty. So, Blessed Corfard, who shall we be learning about this time?”

~ “The dashing and disreputable Lannis Offop, the party’s Wizard.”

“The Magic User, Great One?”

~ “Indeed, the very same.”

“He has shown some skill and capability, Blessed Corfard, but a lack of bravery as well.”

~ “The Magic User is a dichotomous person, Adept. Weak and at the same time strong. Timid in the beginning and fierce at the end. One should never be surprised by the antics of the Magic User because typically they are thinking of the situation 2 or 3 spaces ahead of those around them.”

“So we anticipate this Lannis Offop to be that person?”

~ “Truly I do not know. We should then clear our minds and prepare ourselves as I tear a void in the space-time continuum and use my divine will to reveal to us the original interview of the Magic User known as Lannis Offop…BEHOLD!”

The roof shook with energy and a crackle of electricity burst from the air before them, steaming up from the stones they stood upon, tearing the air asunder with the stench of burnt paper and ozone. Through the tear, a hole could be seen and in it a well lit room with a half dozen older men and women standing about, the late day sun peeking through the slatted windows.

“Blessed Corfard! I never grow tired of seeing this display of your might and power.”

~ “Thank you, Adept. Should see how I’ve hotkeyed my Battleground Optics and Winkyeye if you want to be impressed.”

“Any place your Blessedness seeks to destroy his foes will be an impressive battleground, Mighty Corfard.”

~ “Nevermind. Let us listen.”

"So, Master Lannis, if you are ready to address us? What makes you the best candidate out of the other choices to be entrusted with this mission? Why you?"

“Blessed Corfard? I do not see anyone else in the room.”

~ “Neither do I. Most strange? Is he invisible?”

“Master Lannis? We await you? Pastor, we only had 2 magic users apply, is that not correct?”
“Yes, Janis.”
“I had such hopes that we could get a Magic User on board for this endeavor. The party will need a competent magister if they hope to return with the Prism Crown.”

“It appears Blessed Corfard that the Magic User Lannis did not even stay around for the interview.”

~ “No it does not. Yet I am concerned as to how he got on this mission then?”

“Master! A person enters the room! Perhaps it shall answer the question for us?”

“Pastor. Sirs and Dames. I have this note left here for your group from the Magic User Lannis Offop”
“Read it at once then.”

~ “This is most strange, Adept. To apply by post and still get on the adventure.”

“He must be a formidable wizard, Blessed Corfard.”

~ “Indeed and that troubles me. Let us listen.”

This paper indicates I should write several paragraphs about what qualifies me for a position within an adventuring group. I will not being doing that. To do so would be an insult to myself and every user of the arcane arts that deigns to contact your agency.

“Blessed Corfard! Such arrogance.”

~ “Indeed, Adept. If he was to be in my employ, I would have him staked out over an Ankheg den and his skin used as a sofa covering. He dares much indeed.”

I expect to be placed in your most capable group immediately, and any further correspondence outside that matter will be taken as a personal insult to both myself and the mages guild.

“Blessed Corfard, is it possible that that this Lannis Offop is a magister of standing with the Mage’s Guild? Perhaps one of the High Masters?”

~ “I am unsure, Adept. I have but a few contacts in Specularum and never had I head Offop’s name as a High Master. Let us continue to see and perhaps we can learn.”

In future have someone smarter deal with such matters, lest you find yourself the target of the combined ire of all the masters of the mystic weave in the kingdom.
    Yours, without respect
               Lannis Offop

~ “This is unheard of. I cannot fathom that the Academy allowed this to happen.”

“They do appear to be aggrieved, Blessed Corfard.”

“I am most aggrieved, page! The gall on that man. Is there no one else?”
“There was that other one but we decided against him.”
“Ah. Damn it. Perhaps the group can survive without a Magic User on this mission.”
“Wait, Page, there is writing on the back side of that paper. Can you read it?”

“Blessed Corfard, the writing on that missive does not appear to be the same as the writing on the front.”

~ “Good eye, Adept. Remind me to set you up with an account, I have an old console I can lend you ans can use you on our Raid team as a spotter. No it does not. The writing appears to be more ornate and careful. A woman’s writing I would think.”

“Perhaps his apprentice?”

~ “Let us listen.”

This is Mrs. Offop, Lannis's mother.

“Blessed Corfard, did he just say, Lannis’ mother?”

~ “I…I believe he did! His mother?!”

Please don't take what my son wrote to heart. He's a good boy deep down, brave and caring to his friends. The way he speaks is all bluster, I think it started when his father left for his other family, saying at least there he had a real son.

~ “Ha ha ha ha ha. Oh, this is rich indeed!”

“It almost seems cruel, Blessed One.”

Lannis is quite the accomplished mage, having spent years studying under High Mage Brooklyr, one of the five great wizards at the Mages Guild.

~ “Brooklyr?! Ha ha ha ha ha!”

“Blessed One?”

~ “Worry not, Adept. My concerns about Lannis Offop are dropping rapidly.”

He practices his art every day, taking his skills very seriously. He speaks passionately about becoming the greatest mage in the kingdom, so that one day he can use his powers to protect everyone.

“That does sound sweet.”

~ “It sounds like something someone’s mother would write indeed.”

I implore you, please accept Lannis for this position. If he didn't get it he would be devastated and may never leave home. I couldn't bare it if his spirits were crushed and he never left home. Lannis is most qualified for this position, and should he be given the opportunity to leave home and spread his wings, would thrive.

The image froze showing the council mouths agape and a few moist eyes being wiped tear free.

~ “He got the job…*snicker*…because his ‘mommy’ … *chuckle*… wrote a letter for him.”

“It does seem somewhat endearing as well as a bit sad, Blessed One.”

~ “That it does, Adept. I cannot understand why they indeed went with this posturing buffoon?”

“Perhaps we could see about the other Magic User they mentioned?”

~ “Excellent idea, Adept. Let me once again harness the powers beyond that of mortal understanding…and BEHOLD!”

The view changed again to that of the same room but with an older male with a salt and pepper beard, wizard’s hat at an angle with a number of floating stones orbiting his head. A silver and emerald drake the size of a large cat was perched on his shoulder, tail wrapped around his free arm that had a number of decorative fetishes woven into his cloth of gold robes.

“...yeah, so I traveled for a few years finished my training at the Wizard's Tower and specialized in Abjuration and Enchantments - focusing on buffing team mates and defense. I'm just looking to really grow with a party and develop a strong sense of group and community. I have a strong desire to make a positive influence in my party, our adventures and, hopefully, in the world at large.”

~ “Already seems more capable and level headed than the Magic User currently in the party.”

“I actually have been approached by a few squires asking me to meet their Lords and Masters in the hope that I'd be able to protect their knights on their journey. I said I'd be grateful to meet and offer any services. They've been VERY generous with their offers.” He could be seen rubbing his fingers together, stray sparks of light flashing from his numerous rings to dance around the air as colorful motes of light.

“He wields magic without concern, Blessed Corfard.”

~ “Indeed. I am thankful that our people do not have to face this wizard of skill and ability.”

“I understand the Guild doesn’t typically pay out on the scale of the services I provide and have already been offered, but I am curious as to what it is the Guild can offer, and if there is a party that would be more in need of my services. I am really much more interested in the greater good, which starts with the men and women of the earth. I'd rather help out a lesser able group if it was an opportunity to do some real good in the world.”

~ “And he seems to be likeable as well. With his abilities and force of personality, I dare say the party already here causing problems would be much more effective than they already are.”

“Blessed Corfard, I am thankful this Magic User is not here.”

There was some mumbling answers and cross conversation by the Council members of which only some of the words were able to be clearly heard. “mumble mumble... Overqualified for what we're... mumble mumble... don't want...mumble... waste your superior talents....mumble mumble... not world ending... mumble mumble... idiots really... mumble mumble... too good for them... mumble mumble... probably die.. mumble mumble...”

The Magic User stood up and held his hand out, where a black staff festooned with grey and yellow crystals floated away from the wall and settled into his grip easily. Smiling and nodding he bowed low in thanks and said, “Understood, I thank you for your time. Let me know if something changes, I believe I'll be following up with the Lords and Knights. They seem to have pressing matters of world importance they believe I would be of serious help with. Please let me know if you have anything else that comes up.”

With that the image froze and ended and the hole crackled once and sealed itself closed.

~ “All together, excellent my Adept! I am very pleased with what we both ended up with as well as what we avoided getting in regards to the party’s Magic User.”

“So true, Blessed Corfard! Imagine what it would be like the other way?”

~ “I would hate to imagine it, Adept. But it is time for me to logon, so we shall do this again later.”

“Yes Blessed One. Good logging and may the trees work out for you.”

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