PBEM, Episode 71 - SalAdepts/Dining Room

I don't know any group that feels its "fair" when the enemy, smart enemy, uses tactics and spells against them that they feel is their purview only. Burning oil, invisibility, blindness, healing, protection from good - these salamander adepts hit the group hard and had them on pause. So much so that the player running Abraxas was seriously frustrated and venting often in Discord and email. It gets better, but it takes time.

Follows:

SEVENTY ONE

(I/C)

Lyra ducked into the Dining Room, seeing the normally robust Fighter hunched over, hugging his knees and rocking. “Maybe adventuring isn’t for me,” she heard him saying. “It takes a certain type of loco to go out time after time if this is what adventuring is. If I survive this encounter, this day, finding the crown, heading home through a city of giant dog-men, and to my home, I will never go out again. This is not worth it. Señor Latka doesn't even have any coins for all his efforts. I'd trade all my coins to get back to the docks and work and to be able to see again. If I'm lucky enough to do that than maybe, just maybe I'll be happy.”

Walking over slowly, Lyra placed a hand on his shoulder and gently rubbed it. “Heyyy buddy. You alright there? Looks like we’re all living to see another day. Let me help bandage you up. Maybe they’ll find something out there for you.” The Fighter continued to stay there as Lyra looked him over (Cleric Wis >9) noting the empty healing potion flask near him. “You’re still a little hurt, “ she said (down 7 out of 22), “So just keep hanging on, ok?”

Meanwhile outside in the hall, Kovid was struggling with the burning Adept savaging his side. “Get off me you flaming frog!” Wyn meanwhile had whipped his Green Elven Towel out and dumped half his water skin on it (drop water by 2). Holding it in front of him, he tried to grab the burning Adept to pull it away from Kovid.

“Dis flamin’ lizard seems to ‘ave a ting for de ‘airy dwarves. What was eet you said de odder day, Monsieur Offop? ‘Ashtag me too? No means no you poor excuse for a nightlight!” (>+2 Grapple, Orange 15) The towel hissed as it connected with the burning creature, Wyn getting a good grip and pulling back hard as Kovid shoved the other way (>Save vs Death Ray +4 Bonus, Orange 18 – Take 1 pt fire damage), the elf dodging most of the fire while doing so and only getting the lightest of burns.

“Bludgeoning Time!” Kovid crowed as he swung his hammer at full extension at the grappled burning Adept (=+3 to hit +1 bonus Grappled, Yellow 12) connecting with his head and (1d8+2 Damage: Yellow 6 – 8 Damage and killed!) and staving it in with a crunch!

From down the hall Lannis took out his towel and held it up as Brendon did the same, the scout then upended his water skin half over the wizard’s, the other half over himself (drop water by 4). "Brendon! The Moneyshot isn't enough. I need you to get me wet to I can shoot my webs all over before their runner can summon reinforcements!"

The Scout shook his head and made sure both towels were in place as Lannis began mouthing the words of his spell, the dwindling fire still burning ahead of them. “Come on Pornhero,” he said, hand wrapped around the Magic User’s forearm, “get yourself wet.” And then the two of them ran forward. The burning oil (<Save vs DR +4 bonus, Pink 3…<Save vs DR +4 bonus, Red 6) still singed them badly as they charged through (1d4 damage: Red/black 2 – 2 damage each) but not nearly the same if they did not have any protection.

Trailing smoke behind them Lannis skittered to a stop and finished his enchantment about 20 paces from the “T” intersection, “In Arachne Rief!!” and a blast of webs shot out, hit the corner and then filled the entire area with sticky strands all over the place. “There! That should plug him up!”

Time now is 11:01

(OOC)

Combat Xp: 7 Adepts @ 85 xp each – 595 divided by 6

Abraxas – Add 101

Brendon – Add 106

Kovid and Wyn – Add 109

Lyra – Add 116

Lannis – Add 121

Combat done, hall is webbed, there is 1 held Adept left – 5 on the ground, 1 burning on the ground – ground ones are all dead. Give me the plan and idea – 10 minute turn. Good luck!

PBEM, Episode 70 - SalAdepts/Dining Room

SEVENTY

(I/C)

Leaning against the wall of the Dining Room, Abraxas fumbled around his pouch blindly until his fingers touched upon the healing potion within. “Puta!” he cursed, seeing nothing except blinding whiteness. “I will kill you all. I will stab you and your mothers and string up their guts and you weel beg for mercy that will not be coming.” Drinking it down, the cool liquid coursed through his body righting his hurts and closing his wounds (Heal 1d6: Blue White 6 – Heal 6).

Meanwhile Wyn stepped to the side and cried out, "Lannis! Usually de shaft does not come afta de money shot... but suck on dis fils de pute!" and let the arrow fly (>+5 to hit, Orange 17) where it struck the Adept who had been raised up earlier (1d6 Damage: Orange 5) sinking a good 7” of wood into the hissing sling wielder’s torso. "Kill dat one! Don't let em 'eal!"

“Kill ‘em hard!” Brendon also let his arrow fly (<+4 to hit, Red 9) but the clang let him know the shaft caught more steel than flesh.

"Press the advantage,” Lannis called, hands waving as the air around his shimmered. “Kill em all, let Corfard sort em out!" At the last moment he collected a length of chaos in his hands and let the red and pink shaft fly. “In Bet Grav!” (1d4 Damage: Pink 2 – and Killed at 0 hp) “Got him!”

Lyra frowned. “We’ve been here before, he’s only mostly dead.” She whirled her sling three times overhead and let the rock fly (>+3 to hit, White 17) where it whizzed through the air and disappeared under the cowl with a wet thwock (1d3 Damage: White 3 – 2 Damage and really killed!) and a spray of blood. “Never mind. Finished!”

With only two moving Adepts left, Kovid roared and charged past the held one and struck the last sling wielder with a well placed hammer blow (>+3 to hit, Blue 15), the armor clanging discordantly as he struck the figure in the midsection, folding it over the Theystra weapon (1d8+2 Damage: Blue 3: 5 Damage) and wounding it terribly.

Shaking its head, it held the hammer tight against itself and snarled, “Corfard will take you all!” His gaze turned to the other Adept and he hissed, “You know what you have to do.”

“I do, brother. May Corfard Bless you in the next life.”

“As he has done in this one.” Turning back to Kovid the dwarf could see teeth under the cowl, lots of them as this Adept growled. “Light me.”

And the torch bearing Adept dropped his flaming brand at the Adept’s feet where the fire caught the robe in time with the scent of spilled oil. And he went up like a brand of fire screaming, “For Corfard!” And it threw itself at Kovid while on fire, grappling with the dwarf who was trying to back away (>+2 to hit, Black 19) but failed as the burning robes revealed a scaled red vaguely lizard looking on fire burning creature that grabbed, clawed, and bit the dwarf (1d3 Damage: Red/Black 6 – Take 3 Damage!). Besides the clawing, biting, and scratching, Kovid also had to deal with the fire and managed (>Save vs Death Ray, Blue 12 – Success!) to avoid the serious affects of the flames (1d4 Damage: Blue 1) but still got singed.

The hall blocked with the burning Adept and his grappled dwarf, the group was able to see the last Adept withdraw a flask from its robe, pop the top, and drink it down as it cursed at the group, “Corfard will know what you’ve done!”.

And then faded from view! The group saw the door on the east that led down to the barracks open slightly a moment later.

“Did that scaly son of a bitch just go Invisible?!” Lannis exclaimed. Looking up he tapped his wrist and said, “Let’s go!!”

(WMC: Red/Black 4 – none)

(Initiative Adept Red/Black 3: Party Steel 4 – Party wins!)

Time now is 11:00
(OOC)
1 Adept held, 1 Adept on FIRE (which is NOT affecting him) and clawing/biting/grappling with Kovid.
1 Adept drank a potion of Invisibility.
Top of the round – your turn!

PBEM, Episode 69 - SalAdepts/Dining Room

SIXTY NINE

(I/C)
Brendon grabbed Wyn’s arm, “No one is expendable, except them. Let’s go dine!”

Abraxas shoved his sword ahead of him, uncertain and haltingly, “I need to get back amigos, I cannot see.”

Wyn nodded at the Scout and drew another arrow. “Monsieur Salazar, fall back en we cover you!"

Lyra snaked one arm around Abraxas and held her shield up, blocking the Adept’s blows, and taking the fighter’s place. “Go!” she ordered, “I have a plan,” sling wrapped around her hand as she grabbed her holy symbol.

Kovid meanwhile was swinging his hammer in ever increasing arcs, trying to batter the Adept before him. “Corfard can suck Thor’s balls! Hope you little freaks like being smashed to death. Grilljax can‘t raise you when you’re inside out! He’s next on my list, Kobold bitch!”

“Curse you, Rock Digger!” the Adept he was fighting hissed, slamming his club out at the dwarf.

Meanwhile from the back of the party near the crackling flames, Lannis had his Ishtari rod out and was laughing aloud, "Kovid! Hold a moment! You should always finish with a money shot! Oh,” he arced the magic item back and then slammed it forward, “And duck!" (1d3+1 Bolts, Pink 6 – 4 Bolts) It chattered to life and 4 crossbow bolts arced out as the counter chattered down to 16. The first one (>+5 to hit -2 penalty interference, Pink 15) streaked out hitting the adept in the head through the cowl (1d6 Damage: Red/Black 4 and killed!) and being wounded earlier, finished him off. The next bolt (>+5 to hit, -2 penalty, Black 17) struck the next Adept in the line high in the chest (1d6 Damage: Red/Black 5) where he staggered back choking. The next two bolts (<+5 to hit, -2 penalty Pink 5..<+5 to hit, -2 penalty Teal 2) although both struck the Adept, bounced off after loud clanging noises and failed to penetrate.

“Huzzah!” Kovid cried out, shifting his attention to the next now wounded Adept when Lyra finished off her prayer, “Aine, help us stop our foes in their tracks!” Red tendril snaked out from between her fingers (1d4 random #: White 4) and four streaks flew out at the Adepts next in line. (Save vs Spells 14 needed: Red/Green 9, Blue 19, Blue/Purple 8, Red/Black 18) And the power of her spell stopped the one in front of her and the one right behind that one (both unharmed till now) in their tracks.

“And that’s how Aine does it!”

With a clearer path in front of him, Wyn took aim at the wounded Adept and shot (<+5 to hit, Orange 3) but his shaft went wide. Brendon also took aim and fired (>+4 to hit, Red 14) and got a better bearing as his shaft hit the Adept in the gut (1d6 Damage: Red 6 and killed!) and drove it down to the ground, dying with a gurgling hiss.

Finally, so much of the hallway clear, Kovid was chuckling as he locked eyes with the “held” Adept , swung his enchanted hammer overhead, and then bashed it down on the unmoving and unable to defend itself Adept, crushing its skull and killing it instantly (No roll, dead!). “For Thor!”

(Initiative: Adepts Red/Black 4, Party Steel 6).

Seeing 1 more Adept held in place against the wall, and the last 3 further down – 2 with slings and one with a torch, the dwarf nudged Lyra in the side and laughed, “Shall we?”

Time now is: 10:59

(OOC)

Abraxas is in Dining room (no gorgon in here!), Wall of fire is for 2 more turns, 4 adepts left – 1 held, 3 ambulatory. 1 of the slingers still has his spell coming – others have all been used. Top of round 3 – your turn.

At end of the round will do a WMC – just a heads up!

PBEM, Episode 68 - SalAdepts/Dining Room

SIXTY EIGHT

(I/C)
 "Behold and despair ye foolish mortals,” Lannis howled, brandishing the Ishtari Rod of Bolts, “Make peace with your maker, for you will find none here! Here there is only The Thunderrod!" and then slammed it forward. As he did so the magics within flared to life. (Random 1d3+1 Bolts, Pink 4 – 3 bolts) The Rod twisted at the last moment to aim at the closest robed figure stepping out – and one, two, three steel crossbow bolts shot out of the end of the rod! The first one (>+5 to hit (level, + dex, +1 magic), Pink 14) hit the adept in the chest with a clang (1d6 Damage: Pink 4), the second bolt (<+5 to hit, Pink 8) did hit the enemy but failed to stick, and the third bolt (>+5 to hit, Black 12) struck the figure deep in the gut (1d6 Damage: White/Pink 5 and killed!) and pitched it off its feet.

“Ahh!” the robed figured hissed! “Ishtari!”

Abraxas meanwhile drew out his stone tipped javelin and let it fly at the next figure (<+4 to hit, Blue 9) and although he hit it, the clang of armor underneath let him know the figure was unfazed. He drew his sword and nodded at Kovid who pulled Lannis back a rank and stood toe to toe with the Fighter. "Kovinger,” he said with a grin, “to me amigo. Let's send Grilljax a message spelled out in these bendajos broken bloody bodies, eh?"

Slapping his hammer into his hand, he braced himself and replied, “Aye Abraxas, let's paint the walls with the blood of these little dress wearing freaks!"

Seeing one of them waving his hands, the scout pushed the Magic User even further back. “Well done, Lannis!” he said drawing an arrow. “Keep an eye behind us.” Brendon let his arrow fly (>+4 to hit, Red 15) where it slammed dead center mass with another resounding clang (1d6 Damage: Red 6) and caused the squat figure to groan in pain. Lyra also took aim and let her sling stone fly (<+3 to hit, White 5) but it sailed just over their heads.

Opening the door all the way and quickly fishing out an arrow, Wyn gave the jostled Lannis a quick, "Oh! What be 'appenin' out dere?" Before chuckling and drawing a bead on the one Brendon wounded (>+5 to hit, Orange 11) and let his arrow shoot where it scored a shot right in the figure’s upper shoulder (1d6 Damage: Orange 2 and killed!) and knocked it on its back with a whimpering cry.

The hall quickly filled up with the robed figures, hissing cries and flailing clubs, they had a smell about them that was hard to place but wasn’t pleasing. The one that had just been killed over by Wyn, a red robbed figure stopped there and tore out the arrows from the fallen’s body and placed his hands on him, intoning, “Corfard! Give me your blessing to heal your Adept!” (Heal 1d6+1, Orange 6 – Heal 7) and he drew breath and stood up, clapping the other one on the shoulder! (Remove killed status from the one Wyn shot).

“Fucking hell!? They’re clerics?!?!” Lannis cried.

The two in the second rank behind the front fighters both touched their own chests and intoned together, “Blessed Corfard! Protect us from the assault of these Goodly Foes!” and the two of them were bathed in scintillating green and red light (+1 to AC, +1 to all saves vs party).

Another one further back hissed out, “Take out the Fighter, the rest will fall. Save the body for Grilljax to Raise!” finishing his hand waving he pointed his scaly fingers at Abraxas and intoned, “Blessed Corfard! A Light from your radiance to blind our foes!” (<Save vs Light spell, Blue 3) And a beam of red light flew out and struck Abraxas in the face before he could turn aside or blink. The light poured into his eyes and buried themselves there – twin beams of faint light coming out of his eye sockets and the Fighter Blinded! “Argh!! I cannot see!!!” he cried out forlornly (Blind 12 turns, -4 on all to hits melee only, no shield or dex benefit for defense).

“Abraxas!!” the party cried out as the scaly robed figures laughed and closed finally to hit the front line.

Waiting already for this moment, Kovid (>+3 to hit, Yellow 15) and the red adept (<+1 to hit, Orange 11) both struck each other at the same time but only the dwarf with the Hammer of Theystra did any real damage (1d8+2 damage: Yellow 5 – 7 damage) slamming the war hammer into the figure’s chest and midsection, the armor beneath the robe squealing in distress.

The next one at the front slammed its club at the blinded Fighter (<+2 to hit, Green 12) striking him but not doing material damage. And then the one that had been raised up had his sling out and whipped a stone at Abraxas as well (<-1 to hit (modified for crowd), Teal 2) but the rock went wild and was lost.

(Initiative: Party Steel 2 vs Monsters Orange 3 – Thanks Rik!)

As the combat continued, the red Adepts continued to cry out to “take down the damned fighter!” The lead Adept had an easy time fighting the blinded Abraxas (>+2 to Hit, Red Black 20 – Critical! Max Damage 6 Damage! – Cannot Damage Deflection while blinded) hitting his hard in the leg and causing him to fall temporarily down to one knee before standing up again. “Pendejo!”

The one in front of the dwarf, feeling emboldened, also struck a telling blow against Kovid (>+1 to hit, Red/Purple 20 – Critical! Max Damage 6 Damage) who took a club blow to the head and buffeting about the face. “Thor Damn it! Get off me!” he roared as he tried to get the ringing out of his ears, tasting blood on his lips.

From the second rank the two Adepts drew their slings and hastily and clumsily loaded rocks and hurled them at Abraxas (<-2 to hit, Red/Grey 9) (<-2 to hit, Steel 15 – both modified for draw/swap weapon lower Dex) and although he was hit, neither blow was telling enough to do damage. But, it was the next rank bank, the Adept who had been healed earlier and already had his sling out, loaded another stone and cursed, “Die Man!” and let another stone Fly (>+0 to hit, Red/Blue 17) where it struck the unexpecting Abraxas in the side of the head (1d3 Damage: Orange 6 – 3 Damage – Thanks Rik!) further weakening our Fighter.

As for the last two, one of them had a sling out and the other was working on a torch that he eventually lit at the end of their round – and the other ignited a flask of oil with a rag sticking out of it. “Oh….hell!” the party groaned as the last Adept looked up and let his Molotov cocktail fly (Steel 17) where it landed against the ceiling beyond Wyn and rained down, making a sheet of fire and a wall that was going to burn for 3 rounds. “That should keep them from running, the cowards! In Corfard’s name…KILL THEM ALL!!!”

And the red Adepts cried out in fury in reply.

Time now is 10:58

(OOC)

Ok – I am going to swap OUT of Rik’s dice for the next round! Abraxas is at front line, blinded. Cannot charge or damage deflection, shield has no effect, -4 on all attacks. Both front line guys took critical hits and they are slinging like a M/F to take Abraxas down (Fighter @ 9 hp, Dwarf @ 15 hp).

Lyra, you KNOW that they most likely each have 1 spell at their fingertips – and we’ve had 1 CLW, 2 Protection from Goods, and 1 Light – that leaves 3 Adepts with 1 spell each – and they are the two guys currently in the front rank, and the Adept that had been CLW back to life and beaned Abraxas in the face with a rock. All others have cast their spell.

As to why they didn’t heal the other adept on the floor, he had 9 pts of damage, and the Adepts have 8 hp. Anything Below 0 for monsters, a Cure won’t fix.

There is a wall of fire behind the party cutting off retreat. And it’s the bottom of the 2^nd round – your turn.

Lannis – Rod of Bolts shoots out 2-4 crossbow bolts when activated, needs a to hit but its advantageous (+5 to hit for you), and is a +1 weapon in its own right – doing 1d4 damage if used in melee – not counting the +1 to hit and damage. Has 17 charges now.

2 of them are wounded right now – the one in front of Kovid is pretty damned hurt, and the one that had been CLW’ed with the sling far in the back is only lightly wounded. All others are at full.

PBEM, Episode 67 - SalAdepts/Dining Room.

SIXTY SEVEN

(I/C)
The party discussed options on where to go explore next. There was the room with the water in it that Lannis had webbed, the passage that led to the wolf, further down that corridor to the kobolds; but at the end of all things, against Lannis’ wants, the party settled on going back to the dining room that had the statues in it.

"I think the dining room is worth checking out, now that we've found the Googoron,” Abraxas said. The Fighter sheathed his sword and pointed back the way we came. “I will use my mirror in there to take a look around if Señor Wynner spots anything with his magic dark eyes.”

Grinning, Wyn nodded, “Agreed Monsieur Salazar. To de dinin’ room!”

As the group went to leave, Brendon tapped the Cleric on the shoulder and asked, “Lady Lyra, can you help me out as I don’t feel as nimble as normal?” Points at Lannis who backed up from the offending digit, he added, “No snide comments from you.”

“Buh, wha? I would NEVER.”

Lyra withdrew her holy symbol. “The dining room with the elf statues? Well at least we know the Gorgon is dead. Guess that’s something. And wait, you two!” Laying her hand on Brendon first she intoned (CLW 1d6+1, White 6: Heal 7! (Max)) “Aine, please mend my companions wounds.” The damage on the scout faded away, leaving old scabs and a faint discoloring of the skin. She then turned to Lannis and repeated her motion, touching the Magic User on the arm (CLW 1d6+1, White 6: Heal 7! (Max)) “And Goddess Aine…again! Because they keep getting their asses kicked somehow.”

As Brendon, Lannis’ wounds also faded, leaving scars and scabs and some yellowing traces under the skin. "Thank you Lyra, back in prime fighting shape.” He then turned to Abraxas and frowned. “Excuse me? I don't remember agreeing to anything, certainly not investigating that death trap disguised as a dining room. If you insist on this, please let out a scream before you die so we know you were killed by Colonol Crusher in the Dining Room with the Stone Eyes.”

Kovid chuckled. “Oh Manling, you worry so.” He looked around the cave and sighed. “Hmm, fresh air coming through I bet it once lead outside. Let’s go see what else this castle has in store for us, it is a long walk back out of the cave and to the upper part of the castle Plus we need to get Brendon his spending money back and my hammer has an appointment with a couple of Kobold faces!”

The group walked through the winding stone cavern back to the main chamber where the crossed slowly and with care to the stairs where they climbed them watchful and ready. At the top of the steps the bypassed the barracks and took the side door to the small set of steps and took that up to the main eastern hall. After looking around and hearing nothing, they walked with care north past the kitchen and outside the Dining Room.

Brendon gave the door another check but there was no difference between yesterday and today and after a minute or two gave Abraxas the thumbs up. “All you, Doc.”

“Gracias Senor.” Holding his FANCY SILVER MIRROR in one hand and shield in the other, he turned the knob while everyone had their weapons out and ready. The lantern light filtered in, showing the room was the same as it was before, dining room with a number of stone elven figures looking at the door with expression of panic and horror. A fireplace was on the east wall, 2 large candelabras flanked the door (everything was cold and dark) and a number of large columns supported the ceiling above.

“Hokay,” Wyn said, “Let me go in and check for ze heat. Do NOT shut ze door all ze way, ok?”

“Thought there was no gorgon to worry about,“ Lannis sarcastically asked.

“I am brave, Monsiuer Magic User, not stupid.”

As Wyn went in to check, closing the door most of the way, his infravision flared up. The room was still large, at the limit of his vision, 60’ square. 4 columns, the table was large, and he could make out over 15 figures around the long T shaped table…but everything was room temperature light green/yellow in color.

Meanwhile (WMC: Orange 1 – Thanks Rik!!) from the door to the south, where the kitchen was (Random 1d6: White 1 – Adepts. # Appear: 1d8 – Orange 8 – thanks Rik!!), the door opened (>Hear Noise +20 bonus, Red 72) and a number of figures the party did NOT hear before when in the hall stepped out.

They were a bit shorter than Abraxas’ height, but seemed wide – hard to tell as they were cowled and robed in red ground dragging robes decorated with lots of brown “V’s” (Surprise check Party: Orange 3 – not surprised). “Corfard’s Blessings!” One of the hissed, pointing at the party, “I TOLD you I heard something! That little rat Grilljax was right!” It raised a stout club in a strange 4 fingered scaly hand and pointed it at the group, “Give up now, and in Corfard’s name we shall make your deaths quick!”

(Initiative: Party Steel 4: Adepts Orange 1 – Party wins!)

Time now is 10:56
(OOC)
Wandering Monster – we have initiative – in order FACING the 8 foes we have: Abraxas, Lannis, Lyra, Kovid, Brendon. Wyn is in the room with the door mostly closed and can hear the battle when it starts – right now they do not know you are there. Party makes first choice – can go 2 abreast in the hall. Let me know Front line, Support front, Missile Fire, Spells and Other.

Good Luck!

PBEM, Interview 6 - Wyn

And here was the last interlude interview with Wyn, the Elf. And you get to see how the goblins and kobolds view elves.

Follows:

WYN

Hello again and thanks to Borocream for that advertisement; remember, when your scales have mites, use Borocream! This is Gowan Sukiht, K’bold reporter, and before we roll into our 4th of 9 segments regarding the birth of Zydeco Music and its influence on modern assault weaponry, we figured we would delve into the 6th and thankfully final segment regarding the wanton killing fleshbags that had been marching stormtrooper style around Murderer’s Castle and laying to waste the good and lawful citizenry who emigrated here from Jector in the interest of peace and horticulture.

Now our producers thought we were finished with this project and it was only on the clearing out of the wastebins in the Records and Recycling Departments that the unrun piece on the second least interesting and knife-eared member of the Murderhobos was found under the paper wrappings from Bjorn’s Hydra Burgers. There was thought to just forgetting this sad chapter and moving on but it was pointed out that our contract stipulates full completion of all segments. So in the interest of preserving our money pouches, we’d like to present this to you now.

Now I want to let all the younger listeners at home know to be terribly afraid as this last segment involves the interview of the group’s most deadly predator: the elf. Elves, as you know, are a horrendous children eating subspecies of dungfly and shitbeetle who prey on young kobolds and goblins who don’t eat their vegetables and talk back to their parents. With sharpened teeth, eyes of killer blue or crazed-girlfriend green, and a penchant for chopping off ears and setting oily fires to sleeping women, they are the most dangerous of all the two legged foes that walk the earth. Never approach an elf without an armed escort and elves should only be trusted to bleed if stabbed, and to fuck you over if given half a chance…before they cut your ears off. Even the Boogyman gives the elves a wide berth; and the same goes for the Boogieman, the Slenderman, and Pumpkinhead.

We were lucky enough to capture this interview with the most crazed and potential homicidal member of the adventuring troupe when he had slaked his bloodlust and was mostly in torpor after a day of dining on goblin livers. Hello Wyn you murderous troll, and welcome to the program.

“Um, ‘Ello.”

Back up fucker or I’ll have you shot.

“I am just seeting here. Why are you so ‘fraid?”

Never mind, I’m watching you.

“Oui! I can see. Ah! You must be Gowan I ‘ave ‘eard so conflicting things about, non?”

Gowan Sukiht.

“Zat is an unfortunate name you ‘ave.”

True. But my sister Iywanda has it worse.

“Zhat is true. Zo…why am I here?”

To murder me and take my ears?

“Um…I do not think so.”

Hmm…Ok, I can do this. I’m a professional. I took an Annex course on journalism while at BOCES. Game face, Sukiht.

“You are doing great.”

Sit the HELL down you chipmunk fucking FREAK or I swear to Corfard I’ll waste you with this crossbow!

“Hokay…first, I was adjusting myself, thees chair is not so comfortable for le cul. Second, maybe a leetle less café on a going forward, oui?”

Sorry. Ok, let’s start with you. Tell us a bit about yourself, Wyn?

“Umm. Like what?”

I’ve had this problem before. Let’s start with a brief description, give our listeners something to help identify you as you come stalking them from under the bed.

“Why do ye want to know dis? Eet is quite strange.”

So is being in a room with a barely restrained mentally unbalanced butcher.

“Pardon?”

Never mind, please, go on.

“Well, I stand ‘tween 16 ta 17 hands tall from mon toes to de tip of mon ears.”

Hands?

“Oui.”

Is that like a standard unit of measurement?

“Oui, it is.”

Like in this country?

“Oui! Can I continue?”

By all means. (For those interested, a “hand” is roughly 4 inches, so this places him between 64 and 68 inches tall. For those not interested, go fuck yourself.)

“My weight be 'round 11 stone.”

Ugh. Fucking really?

“Wot? It’s tru! 'Tis be muscle dat weighs Wyn down.”

No you daft buggerer, again with the fucked up terms? Stone?

“Oui! It is not my fault that you don’t know and cannot relate. Not everything is feet and inches?”

Whatever. (For those interested, a “stone” is roughly 14 pounds, so this places him at about 154 pounds. For those not interested, you may still go and fuck yourself – sideways this time.)

“Now ‘leven stones is beefy for an elf. You get dat from pullin' a propa bow en livin' in da swamp.”

So swamp elves are typically bigger than other elves?

“Oui! We ‘ave to be. Dodgin’ crocogators, ‘wrasslin’ possum, killin’ goblin’s and takin’ their ears for bounty, polin’ swamp boats through th’ bayous…”

Go back, what did you just say?

“Polin’ through the bayou? Ye gots a flat bottomed swamp boat an’ ya gots ta pole in ‘long…”

No, no, no. Before that.

“Possums?”

No, the other thing.

“Um…coons?”

Really? Getting like that in this climate?

“Wot? I dun get it? Coons? Huntin’? Takes time, y’know when going after them, ya gotta find a solid bit o’ ground an’ kneel down when…”

You know what? Fuck it. We are not going there.

“Ye are one strange little kobold.”

You have no idea. So, you were telling me about swamp elves in relation to other types.

“Oui! We swamp elves, are tres strong! But dat don't mean I not be light on me feet... just not like one of dem skinny 'igh elves.”

Gay stuff as well? Don’t you have any respect for yourself?

“I don’t unnerstand.”

No, your kind never does, does it? Moving on. Sharks have a fin that sticks up to let people know that trouble is coming at them, and similarly, most elves have hair that is reflective, gives you that approaching carnage look when stalking wounded kobolds and helpless prey. Yours is different.

“Mon 'air ees... what ees word... auburn? Like color of forest een autumn.”

It is different, that is true.

“Oui. En eet all biz-ness up front en par-tee in back.”

Mullet.

“No, I dun t’ink it over. I make th’ ‘air do it wit dee life braid a-growin' down de left side of mon face.”

Hides your profile when looking to shoot someone from the shadows?

“Um, no. It shows 'ow many other lives Wyn 'as 'ad it does.”

So you say.

“You seem to ‘ave a view o’ elves tha’ ain’t…th’ way it reelly is.”

No, I’m pretty sure it is as we’ve all been told since the days of our birth.

“We are a peaceful people.”

Sure.

“Eets true. We only fight w’en we gots no choice. Elves, we like to look at a problem first for awhile a’fore we decide ta do something.”

I’ve seen elven eyes staring at me in the dark. It’s not a comforting sight.

“Me eyes? Well I been told dey be the color of dat hour jus' befah da setting sun. When everytin' be all golden.”

Is that even a color?

“Sure! I jus’ said it.”

So in the Crayola box, I’ll find “Golden Color an hour before the setting sun”? Is that near “flesh”, “Indian red” and “moral ambiguity grey”?

“Wot is thees Kray-Oh-Lah?”

Don’t worry. You wouldn’t get it, it’s a box of colors where all of them sit together in one place without separation, together.

“Swamp elves be like that too. We all ‘ave the same color skin in th’ area of th’ swamp I live in.”

No shit. I rest my case.

“Skeen be nicely tan from workin' en livin' out among de swamp en nature. Only way to be.”

So exclusionary.

Having sat in the tiger’s den for as long as I could facing this barely restrained racist rage demon, I pretending to have to take a bathroom break and then ran for my life. We were lucky enough to get a further view on this homicidal blood machine from two of the toy maker’s companions; the rotund and dull-witted Kovid Manslayer XIX, and the slack jawed and mentally impaired Abraxas Salazar. Their interviews appeared earlier in our program. Beardy McBeardface was first.

"For a pointy eared tree hugger, Master Wyn is a welcome addition to the party. With that thick accent I can only understand about three out of every five words he says, but what I do catch seems genuine and thoughtful.”

“I question his motives though. He keeps talking about how he's in this for the experience, to better himself, and for the story. Doesn't he want silver or gold? I mean think of all the ale you can buy with gold, never mind how pretty it is. Looks like he could use the money too - straw hat, leather pants (from some creature he calls an ALY-GAY-TOR) and is always chewing on a damn blade of grass.”

“Says he's from a place called a swamp. I've never seen one so I'm not sure what it is, but apparently they don't wear shoes around camp. Otherwise he carries himself with a proud posture and a positive attitude. Long dark hair, tall and slender, so not much to look at.”

No mention of the necklace of ears he wore or the stink of old blood crusting the end of his hair, but as far as descriptions was concerned, not a bad one. Following this we also had Abraxas give us his thoughts on this firebrand of evil.

“Wine? He is someone that is truly on my own level. Senor appreciates the simpler things in life – la casa, family, fun, and bueno food! I know this, because I to appreciate the simpler things in life – la casa, family, fun, and Bueno food! Um…did I just say that?”

“Senor Wyvern must be such a good listener because his ears are larger than anyone else's! Like Senor Pond, I respects Senor Elf’s ability with the bow, the scouting, and the sword. Eef I had to pick a best amigo on this ‘venture, it would be the Senor. We are not too far off in our goals and dreams.”

“I likes the cuisine options Senor Tween talks about, that I has never tried! Señor Wynd tells the best stories. Most about comida muy tasty sounding. I hope to have una familia similar a Señor Dundee una dia. He is a... how do you say... huevo bueno. I am most interested in trying this gumbo de que dice.”

PBEM, Episode 66 - Mosaic Spa, Rod, Collapse

SIXTY SIX

(I/C)
Lyra went to help Brendon to his feet, but Abraxas got there first, wiping the dust off of him. “Not bad enough you get hurt and your pride gets hurt. They take your money too? Not cool,” she said. Looking at the rod that Lannis was taking off the pedestal, the object growing heavy in his hands, she added, “They had that thing on lock down pretty tight... wonder if it’ll be needed to get the crown? We shouldn’t use up the entire thing.”

"I knew being in there would be a bad idea,” Lannis said, eyes shining. “Lady Lyra, please leave the rod to the professionals, hmm? Plus, I’d like to find a target to see what my new Rod of Thundercock can do?”

“What?!”

“What?”

“What did you say?!”

The Magic User frowned. “You are acting strange Lyra. Must be the time of the month for your hysteria. Try not to bleed all your Aine issues all over the place, ok?”

“You little,” Lyra stepped towards Lannis, hand on her club, but Kovid stepped in front of her and shook his head.

“He’s not worth it, lass.” He chuckled. “Part of his enjoyment is getting a rise out of you. Just ignore him and he’ll grow bored quickly.”

“Ugh.”

Meanwhile after getting situated by Abraxas, Brendon and the Fighter went off to the pool room to wash their hands, the scout getting a stout clap on the back.  "Maybe you could use glasses for those traps you're not finding Señor. Now we're equals in the trap game."

Brendon shrugged good naturedly. “Thank you Doc for the lift up. By Thor’s Ejaculating Shaft that fucking hurt. Wasn’t enough to shove electricity thru me but my coins? Why take my coins?”

Eyebrows raised in appreciation, the dwarf reholstered his hammer and gave Brendon a nod. “Thor’s shocking shaft... literally! You alright? Looks like you have a large hole in your pocket. Haw Haw Haw! Let’s see if we can’t find ourselves some treasure to make up for it. After all you owe me and Wyn an ale.”

“Gods be fickle and mysterious, Monsieur du Lac. I am sorry dis happened to you,” Wyn also clapped the Scout on the shoulder. “I would give you 'alf if my coin now, but dis may not be de only time dis 'appen to non-elves. If you are up for scouting, let us continue on. I be dere wit you.”

The group, as ready as they were going to be, made their way out of the Pool room, through the cabinet room, and out the door back into the cavern itself, stepping around the now dead Albino Ape. Getting a tap from Lyra and pointing to the hall the primate was guarding, Brendon led the way, Wyn and Kovid right behind, then the Cleric with her sling, and Lannis and Abraxas sword out bringing up the rear. Kovid shook the lantern and whispered, “Less than an hour of light left – then I gotta fill it with another flask. I have 2 left.”

The group took the dwarf’s warning to heart and pressed on. The passage led back to where the Ape had been chained up, the 25’ length of chain had been snapped at the weak link. Old hay and assorted bones and smears of blood and meat littered the floor. They proceeded past and followed the cave as it went south, a faint breeze blowing towards them as they walked. “Fresh breeze,” Kovid noted, Wyn nodded in agreement.

Walking slowly and with care, the scout was walking gingerly, his many wounds were obviously still aching, Brendon searched the area (=Find, Red 25) as he walked along. “Loose stones, mixed with wet dirt,” he noted. “Some scrapes, like someone walked in here and back a forth a bunch.”

“Someone who?” Abraxas asked from the rear.

“Booted. Hobgoblin would be my guess.”

“Robert. Si!”

The passage continued south and then slowly turned to the west, the walls of the cave getting progressively narrower, the lower walls and floor had more wet dirt on it. After some 25 paces the passage was narrower still and turned to the north for another 20 slow paces and then…ended.

“Huh?” Brendon looked around. The walls and ceiling had been caved in here, tons of broken rocks and soil had rained down and blocked the hall from this point on. “I don’t get it?”

Kovid (<Detect Secret Doors +1 bonus, Yellow 2) and Wyn (<Detect Secret Doors +1 bonus, Orange 2) both looked the area over. Through the broken rocks and mounded earth, through the small cracks and spaces, they could feel the breeze coming through here. “Cave in,” the dwarf said.

“Oui,” Wyn bent down and picked up the bent and broken remains of a pick. “And done dee-lib-bur-ate-lee, no?”

Sniffing, Kovid growled, shining the lantern at a spot on the wall. “True. And done by greenskins,” he touched the flaky red stain on the wall. “At least one of them was caught in the cave in.”

“So, no getting out this way?”

Kovid shook his head. “No. Not unless you have a way of removing a metric shit ton of wet earth and soil from this area.”

“And do it wizzout burying us again.”

“Hmm,” Brendon scratched his chin and turned back to the group. “Ok then, where to?”

Time now is 10:36

(OOC)
Xp: Explore 3 area (mosaic, steam, pedestal): 15 per.
Wyn and Brendon: Add 50 xp
Everyone else: Add 45.

Cave meanders, narrows, and ends. No way through. Where to now?

PBEM, Episode 65 - Mosaic Spa, Rod, Collapse

Group found the 2nd of the 4 Goddess weapons here - the Ishtari Rod of Bolts. There was lots of Discord chatter that this was a rod of lightning and the rod should be called Thundercrack and other assorted terms. All I can say is...nope!

Follows:

SIXTY FIVE

(I/C)

“As Monsieur Dwarf ‘ad soog-jest-stad, time for de mosaic key. I do de turnin’... ready, mes amis?”

“Wait, wait, wait!” Lannis said, walking out of the pedestal room and standing just inside the door to the pool room. "I'll stand here I think, I can see both the pedestal and the key hole from here, so I can see what's going on with both if necessary.”

Brendon walked into the pedestal room, laying his hand against the pink marble. “I’m going to stay in here. Maybe I detect some movement from the pedestal. Just keep the door open in case I need to get out.”

Lyra joined the scout, standing near the door, expression nervous, “Maybe we should all be in the same room. What if this does something magic-y and either transports is or move the rooms around? I’d rather us not get separated.”

"Lady Lyefa makes a good point,” Abraxas replied, moving into the pool room with Lannis. Standing near the 7 crystal flasks, he rubbed his chin. “Maybe we stick together. I will listen from the back. Señor Wyndex, did you discover the purpose of those Flasks nears the aqua?"

“Those?" Wyn asked, heading towards the crab picture on the wall, key extended. “Bath oils I think. We didn’t exactly open one up. Plus they are not designed for transporting and don’t think I need to spell like rose oil.”

Kovid snorted, “Make sure you get it in the right hole Wyn! Hahaha!”

Wyn shook his head and brought the key closer, the hole turning a brighter and brighter blue and he inserted the key and then began to turn. There was a minimal amount of resistance as the tumblers behind the wall twisted. We could hear some gears moving and something clunk and the key made a full revolution…and then popped out.

“That’s it?” Kovid asked.

From across the chamber, where Ishatari was shown standing behind the tree, another key hole appeared with a “click” as the tile there slid aside, right at the edge of the tree near her waist – was ANOTHER key hole – also glowing faint blue.

“Ah…ok.” Wyn walked over there, the party was on edge and waiting. Brendon said that he could feel a faint vibration running through the pedestal, so very faint.

Inserting the key, Wyn felt it hit the end of the tumbler, and he began to turn. It went around, a full revolution, and then…popped out!

And from the pedestal room a feminine voice sounded from the pedestal “ISHTARI ANSWERS” along with a wave of chime and crescendo music! Brendon (<Save vs Spells, Red 3) and Lyra (=Save vs spells, White 13) who were in the chamber felt buffeted from the wave of energy flowing off the pedestal but the crackling electricity flowed into the scout (1d4 Damage: Orange 2 Damage) and burned his hand, arm, and side and sent him slamming back against the wall with a CLANG, knocking him down as the energy coursed through his body and ended up at his money pouch.

“Senor!” Abraxas shouted. “That is what exactly happened to me! It sucks, no?!”

Lyra and Kovid helped Brendon off the ground, the scout shaking the effects off and then glanced down at his money bag and frowned. “Ah…shit.” He cursed, turning it over to show only a few rusty flakes fall out (Lose 37 gold, 19 silver, and 27 copper – reduce weight by 83).

Lannis shook his head, doing his damnedest not to smirk, Wyn coming over as well, key still in his hand. And in the pedestal, the top of the pedestal had peeled open and a gleaming black and silver chased rod of metal rose out of the surface and floated there just over the pedestal’s surface, rotating slowly, the pedestal closing up again.

It was 2’ tall, and had symbology to Ishtari running up and down its surface. The handle was thicker and ridged and the end had a thick metal cap adorning it. A very obvious number “18” shimmered into being as the group looked. And there were some writing on the side that Lannis and Wyn (Magic User and Elf) were able to tell limited the item’s use to a magic using person to use and the item’s intention was read as “Rod of Bolts”.

Time now is 10:16

(OOC)

Poor Brendon! Magic item here, useable by elf or magic user. Who takes, disuss plans, and where to next? Sorry Brendon!

PBEM, Episode 64 - Mosaic Spa, Rod, Collapse

SIXTY FOUR

(I/C)
After discussing with the rest of the party what had been learned, the group discussed options, settling on checking the steam door before actually trying the key and keyhole. “Monsieur du Lac, if you would check de steam door, s’il vous plaît? En den Monsieur Salazar cen open eet... I stand ‘ere wit me bow in case dere be more stirges about.”

"Si, Señor Wynder,” Abraxas replied. “Miramos las puertas ultimas. Make sure all doors are clear. Maybe Señor Kovidios could update his map a bit."

“Let me make sure the door that leads to the steam isn’t trapped,” Brendon offered, walking to the door and giving a solid once over. “Thou I don’t believe it would be. After I’ll accompany Lannis to the center room and await the outcome of the key. Might I suggest if the shit hits the sails, you yell out which door we should exit.”

Making her way to the back of the Mosaic Room, Lyra asked, “I know we have potions, maybe two blessings of health from Aine left. Is everyone in adequate condition to fight again if we need?”

There were some gruntings all about, but Lannis made the most of his many many injuries, the Magic User looking pretty worn out. Holding his torch with a less than steady hand, Lannis said, “Yes, yes, fine for now. You know I'd rather not be waiting in THAT room when that key is turned, in case there is some kind of...unpleasant reaction.”

Brendon who was in front of the door shook his head and motioned Lannis to relax. “I’ll be right there, Lannis.” Looking at the rest of the party, Brendon continued, “The door is not trapped. No lock, handle pushes into the room. Steam is warm, not scalding. Doc?” He motioned to Abraxas, “It’s all you.” From there he followed Lannis to the pedestal room where the two of them waited with the torch, door closed most of the way. Lyra with her sling and Wyn with his bow were in the back of the Mosaic chamber, Kovid standing near the fighter, his Theystra war hammer held loosely and ready.

“Hokay?” Abraxas had his shield up, sword in his hand, gripping the handle and turning. “One…Dos…Tres!”

Steam billowed out, very warm…but harmless. Once it cleared a little, the group could see the room was similar in size and shape as the others. Two long wooden benches were along two of the walls, and the air was moist. Kovid looked in with care (Stonework, no roll) and nodded. “Natural vent from below ground. Suspected something like that after the sulfur vent on the other side of the castle. Natural geothermal vent. Elves tapped into all of this centuries ago and set this up.” He grumbled. “Pretty smart…for elves.”

There was one other door on the other side of the room that according to Kovid’s map led back to the main cave.

“Ok, that’s it for rooms in the Ishtari area.” Kovid said. “So..key or not?”

Time now is 10:06

(OOC)

As Kovid asked, what’s next?

PBEM, Episode 63 - Mosaic Spa, Rod, Collapse

SIXTY THREE

(I/C)
“Ok, this is not for me. Wyn? Kovid? Can you come check this out?” Brendon walked away from the room with the PEDESTAL and stopped in front of the crab part of the mosaic. “I wonder if the key opens an area in which crabs come out or if the pool in the other room fills with them.” He patted Wyn on the back. “We could learn a lot from you!”

Wyn was nodding slowly as he looked around. “If water ees de womb en dere are monsters, den dis key’ole could lead to de mudder ov monsters, no?”

“Monsieur du Lac, may you check out the last doo to the steam room, too? Before dat, can we turn off de light for a few seconds to see if de infravision shows us anyting else of de tiles? Seems like someting de sex elves would do if dey be doing eet in de dark, no?”

“Probably. Maybe. I hope it doesn’t, honestly.” Lyra shuddered. “Don’t exactly want to meet the Mother of Monsters. Especially when we just murdered one of her children.”

She pointed past Kovid to the pool room. “Maybe if we turn the lights off we should just shut the door behind us? At least then we don’t have anything sneaking up on us while we can’t see.”

Abraxas nodded enthusiastically, tapping Lannis and indicated the partially used torch. "Perhaps we don’t ALL have to be in the dark? In case a Monster creeps up on us. I will light a torch for those that need light and we can hang out in the room with the dead Apa, while Señors Kovoid and Wynsie check out the rooms with their darkness eyes. In that time we can put the cabinet back into place blocking the door for now."

Brendon had given the crab portion of the mosaic a final look and was sure there was nothing there besides the key hole and of interest. He then went over to the north door with the steam at the bottom, and it felt just like the similar door OUTSIDE the Ishtari area – warm not scalding.

Lannis and the other 3 had filed out of the Mosaic room, closing the door behind them. The Magic User made his way towards the front of the Cabinet room and once Abraxas lifted the cabinet and began to move it away, “Grah-sigh-ass Say-nor Ah-brahx-ees,” he said with a genuine smile, waiting for some indication that he did well. He was still waiting as Brendon and Lyra both gave with withering glances, the Fighter grunting with effort as he replaced the cabinet.

He looked over the Ape with a practiced eye seeing if there was anything about the large beast that someone missed, not finding anything.

Meanwhile, Kovid was looking around the pedestal room, “Agreed Wyn, let’s see what this marble pedestal has in store for us. I bet my dwarf eyes are keener in the dark. What’dya say? If I find something of import first you owe me an ale, and if you find something first the ale is on you! HA ha HA ha!”

“Eh...no. Maybe dwarfriend, you en I check de ped-ee-stall room in de dark first to see if dere be anyting hidden in plain sight…”

“That’s what I said. Except let me check out the pedestal first in the light.”

“Zen that iz NOT what you said.”

“It’s close enough.”

“But…you know what? Whatever. Go look at your rock.”

Kovid went up to the pink marble pedestal. The room did indeed feel…hollow to the dwarf, as if it was empty on some level. The pedestal was 5’ tall and the marble was pink (<Stonework, Yellow 1) naturally. It was all one piece and the dwarf gave it a nudge and tap, feeling around. He found no join marks, chisel marks, or anything like it. In fact the pedestal was without any sign of crafted by hand that he frowned, thinking it was formed by magic.

“Seems like so much cheating to me,” he complained. Wyn shrugged, letting the dwarf finish his investigation. The rock itself was solid…but had a different pass through on vibration. “Huh,” he grunted, tapping the stone again and feeling it with his other hand. “It’s solid,” he said, “but I think the core, the center of this pedestal is actually metal.”

“Zo…a metal core with featureless pink marble around it?”

“That’s what I would guess.”

“Hmm, weird.” Wyn turned back to the Mosaic room, Kovid following, lantern aloft. “Ok, Monsieur. Douse it please.”

Kovid turned the flame down on the lantern and it grew dimmer fast and then went out, and the dwarf and elf had their infravision flare to life. “Ah! Now ZHAT makes more sense!”

“Ugh! My eyes! Eww!”

The mosaic walls had changed now, with the scenes on the wall now looked the same but the subtle heat signature difference painted an altered depiction of the former layout. It was filled with bacchanal displays of sex and debauchery. The elves in the water were outwardly having sex, the mermaids were flaunting themselves, Ishtari had a hand inside her dress between her legs, the entire mosaic was overt and obvious. Wyn felt himself getting flushed and Kovid was feeling a stirring in his armor. However the spire of black rock and crab with the spread claws was now depicted as a set of spread thighs and a long spire reaching for the center – the center that had a warm glow to it exactly the same shape as the key.

“I’m going to say this is a tie. Just give me a drink when you can.” Kovid adjusted himself awkwardly, looking around. “And some eye bleach. Seriously, elves are just weird.”

“Oui. But if you were a goddess of sex and magic, you’ve got to admit thees iz a place for it.” He pointed to the pedestal room. “Shall we?”

The two of them walked to the door there and looked in. Even in the infravision range spectrum, the room still felt muted, cool, and unfinished. Waiting even. BUT the pedestal was not so much light blue but green in hue, indication that it was a good 15 degrees warmer than the rest of the chamber. Kovid looked around a last time and tapped Wyn as his relit the lantern. “Wyn if we decide to use the key in the crab hole, I think it might be wise for someone of your ear length to insert the key. Remember what happened to Abraxas with the cabinet? I fear it might be protected beyond master Brendon’s skills with all due respect to him. If we’re right the next ales on him.”

Time now is 10:01

(OOC)

Ok, what now guys? If get back in time, I’ll do another turn later tonight

PBEM, Episode 62 - Mosaic Spa, Rod, Collapse

SIXTY TWO

(I/C)
In the silence that followed the crazed amount of activity that had been going on, the party whispered some plans to one another and then split off. “I go to Ape,”Abraxas offered, drawing his sword and opening the door back to the cabinet room carefully. Dead stirges, dumped over cabinet, and a sleeping Ape just outside the door. Lyra tapped the fighter on the shoulder and whispered, “I’m coming with you.”

“Gracias, Madre.”

While they crept to the sleeping primate, Lannis made his way to the pool and crouched down to give it a once over while Wyn replaced the bath oil on the shelf and shook his head. “Not today,” he mumbled. Kovid made his way further into the Mosaic Room and was giving the tiles a serious look while Brendon kept looking back and forth from the keyhole at the crab’s claws and the door on the cut out on the north wall, west side of the room. “Now knowing how it feels to be stabbed in the back, I might have sympathy for those I attack” The scout absently rubbed his shoulder as he made his to the door. “Nah, I won’t.”

Looking at the sleeping 600# Albino Ape, Abraxas sloly lifted the cabinet back to the upright position, opened the door with quiet care, pointed his sword at the animal’s chest…and shoved the sword home. The Ape woke up briefly, eyes flaring with anger as it locked gaze with Abraxas…and then closed them and died. "Apologies, Señor Alpaca. ¡Vayas con Dios!"

“Is it dead?”

“Si, Senora.”

“Like really dead?”

“Um…let me check.” Abraxas pulled his sword free with a wet schlorking sound, and jammed it back into the Ape’s chest again, making more blood flow. The animal did not move. “Si, Senora Liar, the ape, he be dead.” Looking at Lannis, Abraxas asked, “No more Stirgeses? ¿Y que es la agua? ¿Peligroso?” and went to join him at the tub.

“Goddess Aine, guide this noble animal to its own afterlife.” She crouched low and looked over the Ape with slow care. (<Wis +2 cleric, White 8) The Ape was large, and the coloring was not typical. It was male and old, definitely over 40 years of age. There were old scars on its knuckles and wrists, but on his right chest was the number “3” with a stylized “L” below it – the same as Medusa except with a different number. “Could…could this be another one of the Mother of Monster’s children? And it lived here for 4 decades, only to be killed by us? Even the filth from Jector didn’t kill it.” She rubbed her forehead. “Sweet Aine, did we just make a mistake?”

Abraxas and Lannis were looking the pool over and the Elf handed the silver dagger back to the Fighter. “Monsieur Salazar, merci for de dagger.” Wyn then made his way into the Mosaic Room, briefly talking to Brendon first. “If anyone is asking me,” Lannis called out to the Scout and Elf, “I feel like we should check out all the doors in here before we go messing with any keys, just in case.”

“I’m on it, Magic User,” Brendon muttered.

Lannis shrugged, voice inching higher. “Is Brendon an expert on magic keys in relation to the architecture of ancient Elven castles? Lannis isn't. Might as well finish searching first is all I’m saying.”

“Why no Lannis,” Retorted Brendon, “I’m not an expert on the architecture of ancient Elven castles, you’re absolutely right!” He lowered his voice, “Stupid asshole.” Tapping Wyn, he pointed to the other door and kept heading there to look it over for traps. “Sorry, Wyn. Let’s keep searching.”

Lannis (<Int, Pink 16) and Abraxas (>Int, Blue 20) both spent a few minutes going through the tub. “Water’s fresh,” Lannis noted. Abraxas stuck his hand in and slurped it, “Si! It is!”

“Sigh.” Lannis looked over the wall and base of the tub, rolling up his sleeve and plunging his hand in and feeling for the bottom. “Drain holes, no manual drain. Tub isn’t emptying.”

“Hmm. Si, you are right.”

“No obvious way to fill it, seems to be a spigot here but no manual way to do it.” Abraxas grabbed the spigot and pulled it, pushed it, and tried to twist it – all to no avail. “Si, you are right again!”

“Grrr.” Throwing his hands up, Lannis rose to his feet and shrugged. “I’d say Magic.”

“Hokay. You can say it, Senor. I’ll wait.”

“Huh?”

“Say Magic. That it is, si?”

Throughout all this Kovid was in the Mosaic room looking at the tiles (=Int +2 Dwarf, Yellow 14). “Hmm, they look new, but that is not true,” he muttered at Lyra wandered in looking around. “The mortar is worn and chipped, as expected for 4 or 5 centuries. Some repairs here and there. But the entire place is well repaired and is polished. Doubt the Hobs give a crap to do so, so I’d say some latent elven preservation spell is in place.”

“I would agree Monsieur Dwarf,” Wyn was walking around slowly, making his way to the southeast wall and the part of the mosaic that had the key hole. “Elves are bit on having things last, no?”

“True. Not as much as dwarves though.”

“I would Dees-Ah-Grie with zat of course.”

“Only because you don’t know dwarven attention to longevity.”

“Elves make things to last centuries, Monsieur.”

“Dwarves make things to last forever.”

“Maybe, Of course you are entitled to your opinion.” Wyn had gotten very close to the keyhole and was looking at it carefully. He took out the Ishtari Key and held it close to the lock to measure the relative size of it – noting two things: 1) it looked like it would fit perfectly. And 2) the keyhole, began to glow faintly blue as the key was brought closer. “Hmm.”

Brendon meanwhile had gone over the door to what he guessed was a storage area with care (>Find Traps, Red 48) and after a few minutes, was sure the door was not trapped, it was not locked, and opened away from him and to the right. Nodding to himself, he grabbed the handle and turned it until the knob clicked, and then began to open it.

And MEANWHILE (so many!) Lyra had been looking over the Mosaic room, looking at the depictions and seeing if there is some religious significance to them. (<Int +2 Cleric, White 11) “Ok,” she murmured. “The elf in the crown is most likely the Ispan, and the crown looks like what we were told the Prism Crown is. That’s easy. This woman here…that’s Ishtari. She’s hiding and watching because she’s a voyeur goddess and likes to indirectly influence her followers. The frolicking elves, that’s a metaphor for sex, not being gross so showing them playing without penetration. Blue is the color of peace. The armored ones on flying mounts, I think its window dressing.”

She wandered to another wall. “Mermaids and dragons – are NOT Ishtari, and that black rock – not a color for elves typically and Ishtari. Hmm…The crab though, why hide a keyhole there? Crabs are guardians of the water. And to elves the water...mermaids…frolicking…sex…Hmmm. The womb, the water is a representation of the womb. And birth.”

“So, is this Ishtari? Or the other goddess, the Mother of Monsters? Or both?”

Finally though back to Brendon, he opened the door and look in. The room was not a closet, but was a 20’ square chamber. In the center of the room as per the dim light from the distant lantern was a 5’ tall pale pink marble PEDESTAL. The room seemed to be unadorned, but to Brendon it felt cool…dormant…almost hollow.

Time now is 9:51

(OOC)
That’s everyone ! Lots to talk about and decide. Key or not? Pink room or not? Last door with the steam or not?

PBEM, Episode 61 - Bath, Stirges, Ape Dead

Finally, one of the characters went up. I started everyone with 5000 xp, so the Cleric hit the next level.

Follows:

SIXTY ONE

(I/C)
“Do I sleep it?”

“Let’s go people.”

“Medusa head?”

“Hey, let’s go!”

“Sleep or no?!”

The party was quickly putting plans together as the albino ape continued to smash at the door, bending the frame ad he pushed his weight against it, scrabbling through the opening to try and move the cabinet but failing.

"We should deal with George here and now if we can,” Lannis offered, reaching in his pouch and tossing Lyra an INCENSE CONE, “surprise monkey attacks seem less than ideal for our future endeavors.” He pointed at it. “Light it!”

“With what?” she asked as Abraxas made his way to the door, taking his large sack out and feeling around on the outside.

“How about the sparks from your fangs?” Lannis quipped.

Kovid pushed his way over, lantern held up. “I’ll help”. Meanwhile Brendon silently made his way over to the far east door and bent down to listen and Wyn eyed the shelf with the ornate flasks and proceeded to pluck them off one at a time.

Looking at the Ape, Abraxas reached into the large sack and grabbed the mummified head of the gorgon within. “Avert your oyos, amigos! Gorgon head is coming out! I'm sorry Señor Appa, this head is for you!" And then he presented it at the Ape with arm extended, legs spread, and shoulders squared.

And nothing happened. The face of the gorgon had been too ruined and the eyes long ago burst from the elven priestess of Theystra. "Fuck. Ok, eat it then!" He tossed head to Ape (>Blue 13) through the gap in the door. "Enjoy Señor!"

The Ape picked up the head, sniffed it (Reaction roll: Orange 4 & 1 – Angry) and roared in fury. He smashed the head into the door and then bit down hard, the sound of the skull crackling was very obvious to the group. It raised its foot and then went to kick at the door some more. Kovid and Lyra had managed to get the edge of the incense cone lit (Light fire +1, Red/Black 3) and the cone proceeded to smoke a bit, the air become scented with the temple incense.

Meanwhile throughout it all, not having any time for a deep search, Brendon listened to the door (<Hear Noise, Red 15) and was confident that there was nothing in the next room making any sounds. He held up a single thumb and Kovid and Lyra dropped the incense near the tub and pressed closer motioning him to open it.

At this point, the Ape was close to smashing the door further in when Lannis standing by Abraxas raised his hands up and channeled the forces of magic, turning his hands grey and crackling – and then let forth a burst of energy with a single syllable “ZU!” as the spellblast streaked out, across the cabinet room, and through the door to smash into the Ape and then blossom out almost 20’. (4d4 hd: 4=4=3=2 – 13 hd total).

The Ape gave a confused roar, slumped forward, and then collapsed down quieting off and just lying there as Lannis exhaled a shaky breath and Abraxas shut the door closed. “Good job, Senor!”

Wyn nodded at Lannis. “Well done, Monsieur.”

As for the other three, they had followed Brendon as he pushed the door open to reveal a room covered in mosaics. Floor, walls, ceiling. There was a DOOR on the NORTH wall just inside this one and a SECOND DOOR further in the room beyond the cut out, with a bit of steam leaking underneath. The mosaic tiles showed elves in fanciful armor riding pegasi and griffons. An elf in a crown with 7 crystals on it. A beautiful woman looking much like Ishtari hiding behind a tree and watching. Mermaids swimming in a pool by a sleeping white dragon. Half naked elves frolicking by blue water, all looking at a black rock sticking out of the waves with a crab perched there.

While looking about (Brendon: <Red 25, Lyra >White 18, Kovid >Yellow 8) took in the designs and still apparent newness look of the tiles as well as the skill required to make it. But Brendon was checking out the east wall and he caught an irregularity there – right between the upraised claws of the crab perched on the rock…was a key hole.

“…” Brendon muttered.

Time now is 9:41

(OOC)
Xp Explore room: 15 Each
Monster: 5 stirges @ 95 each – 475 divided
Albino Ape @ 175 divided
Lyra, Brendon, Wyn – Add 133
Abraxas add 134
Kovid add 139
Lannis add 153

3 are in the mosaic room, 3 are in the bath room. Wyn – you have ACCESS to 7 crystal flasks – they do NOT have carrying around stoppers – any jostling will break the seal. The flasks are all see through, cut glass, and have some sort of liquid in them – equal to 2 ounces in each. If you carry them in a box, pack, or sack, they will most likely open.

Kovid, you have about 1/3 oil left in your lantern (maybe 2 hours tops). Ape is asleep for some time. Incense cone is lit and is in the bathroom. Door is closed.

LYRA - You have enough XP to go up and are now 4th level. Rolling d6 for hp gets a 4, +1 for CON = +5 hp, new total is 22 hp.
No improve on to hit yet
No improve on saves yet
On going up, all your spells available are added back so you have your full compliment of spells.
In addition, You get a 2nd 2nd level spell - Random 3 choices that came up are: Resist Fire, Know Alignment, and Snake Charm. I need you to pick ONE of those three and that is added to your 2nd level spell list besides Hold Person.

As for the group, What do you guys want to do?

PBEM, Interview 5 - Brendon

This was the 5th Interview and it was for Brendon, the party thief who was a pirate and then a scout and whose low wisdom often had some rudeness and missed social cues hit up in the game now and again.

Follows:

BRENDON

And remember, you can’t take it with you, so spend it all before you die. Before we get into our next segment on what to do with your belongings to deny your children and clutchmates of your 2d4 silver and 1d4 gold worldly goods, we’d like to bring to our 5th segment regarding the unwelcome bags of crystalline douche salts that are inhibiting the good works here at Murderer’s Castle. This is Gowan Sukiht, K’bold reporter, and for our next interview, I wanted to make sure that you, our gentle listeners, are settled in and have the doors locked.

There are those who strike from the shadows, lie to your face, steal from your corpse, and are sometime called the most dishonest member of any adventuring party. But we already did our piece on Lannis. For this segment, we will be talking with Brendon Lake, the self described “scout” of the group but our investigative inquiries have also turned up thief, pirate, scumbag, and not being someone’s supervisor. Who is he? We don’t know, so let’s find out together. Hello Brendon, and welcome.

*stares silently*

Is your mic on?

*silence*

Wow, and I thought Christian Bale had that down pat. So, Brendon, tell us a bit about yourself.

*more stubborn silence*

Sigh. This is going to get old real fast. At least let us know that we are interviewing the right man? Brendon, right?

*Long silence* “Sigh” *more silence* “Um…”

Go on, you are so close.

*some more silence* “I guess you aren’t going to let me go then unless I play along?”

No playtime here, master thief, just a few…

“Scout.”

Beg pardon?

“Scout. I’m not a thief.”

Oh. Would you prefer rogue? Wrong edition but I’d be willing…

“Scout. Not rogue, thief, or anything else like that.”

Scout, last time I checked, wasn’t a playable character class.

“Kobold, last time I checked, couldn’t speak our language.”

That’s game specific, and not canon.

“Whatever. I don’t like the term thief, it makes people think of a person as being an individual of lesser character, you know, like Lannis. My professional skills are those of being a military scout, 2nd class, in the royal army of Karamiekos, currently retired. I offer my skills to those who require them and am under contract with the Academy for this current endeavor.

Wow.

“I. Am. Not. A. Thief.”

Um, ok! We got that now. /*aside* ‘should I be nervous? This guy looks like he’s ready to knife me. That fighter dude was a wet noodle, but this guy really has that I mean business thing going. You sure? It’s ok? I can always run a half hour of old Tom and Jerry if I need to. Ok, if you insist. */end aside*

“Who were you talking to?”

No one.

“I saw you lower your head and whisper a bit. I didn’t catch it all but if I wanted to knife you, I’d have done it already.”

Wow, great hearing! Like my mom’s.

“You came from an egg. You don’t have a mom.”

Rude! Everyone has a mom, mine just sat on me till I hatched along with a dozen of my brothers and sisters.

“Whatever.”

Just because you have problems with your parental figure, don’t think everyone does.

*stares silently*

Ugh, this again. Well, looking at you, I’d say you weren’t fed often as a kid. What are you, 140?

“135 lbs, since before I left Specularum.”

Rail thin and whipcord come to mind.

“Thanks.”

6 foot?

“Nah, just under, 5’ 11”.”

That’s alright, close enough. How old are you, unlike some of the others, you don’t seem like a kid.

“I’ve already had a pretty full life. 32 as of a few months ago.”

Whew! Blows my 8 and a half out of the water.

“That a pirate joke?”

Not that I’m aware of. Pirate’s aren’t very funny.

“Not typically.”

Although there was this one pirate who got the ship’s wheel caught in his crotch during a bad cannon exchange. Couldn’t get it out, stuck on his scrotum. Went to the ship’s surgeon to get it removed and the doctor asked why. Pirate said ‘ya gots ta remove it, it’s drivin’ me nuts.’

*Silent staring*

You have no sense of humor.

“No, you’re just not funny.”

But your face is. You ever hear of a haircut?

“Why? I keep it tied back, and it’s not really past my shoulders much.”

Blonde?

“Only when the sun hits it, otherwise think dirty blonde.”

Spend a lot of time in the sun, do ya?

“Not as much as I used to. Although I do have a sort of permanent tan.”

Noticed you have a few scars and whatnot across your roadmap there.

“Some.” *looks at back of hands and kicks off boots* “My hands are probably the worst. An eight year count working the riggings and yardarms will give you a lifetime of callouses.”

Arms too?

“Just some old scars. Don’t even know where they came from anymore. Got some on my chest also, want to see?”

No, you go ahead and keep your shirt on. Getting comfortable with bare toes is enough for me now. You like being at ease?

“It’s not really being at ease. I like to watch others, see what they’re doing, thinking, acting. I watch what they say, their walk, and by doing so, I get a better read on them from the things they don’t say as opposed to the things they do say.”

Deep.

“I have my moments.”

What about a good drink now and again? That usually gets the tongues wagging I’ve been told.

“I’ll have a drink now and again, same idea though. I can order a beer and nurse it for a few hours, stay sharp and my wits keen, and listen to the morons talk till their blue in the face and say things they wouldn’t dare to utter if they half again as sober.”

Speaking of drinks, and being a pirate sort of person, anything you like to eat?

“You’d think fish would top the list, but now. Actually have a deep love from rotisserie rabbit and quail. Got that from my time in the army.”

Neat.

“Also developed a love of fruits, oranges and grapes. But truthfully, ale and beer is nice, but give me a good Gnomish Deepbrew dark coffee and you might make a friend for life.”

Nah, have enough friends and I suspect you and your group might be dead soon.

“Think all you want. You’re entitled to. Until we find you.”

Good luck with that. So, besides being a foodie of sorts, what do you like to do?

“Foraging has its moments, but truthfully, I miss the water. When this is all over I hope I make enough coin to buy a single masted schooner so I can get back on the waves.”

Sounds nice.

“You have no idea.”

You go by yourself, or have anyone you’d like to take aboard?

“Well, not you.”

Wow, wasn’t going there.

“Whatever I saw that look of longing.”

So not true. Had some dust in my eyes, made them glisten.

“Mmm hmm. No, if I was to go, I’d take people I care about. Family, dad, brother and sister. Friends. And just enjoy the sea air.”

This group count as friends?

“For the most part. Barring one.” *staring again with a frown*

Uh oh. Touchy?

“No, I just don’t like stupidity. Drives me nuts.”

Hahahahah. Punch line!

“Ugh. No, turn of phrase. I have no truck with kobolds, but I hate the hell out of Gobs and their ilk. And pretty much anyone that’s an arrogant ass and might call me a thief.”

So, you are picky picky picky.

“Nope, I get bothered. Sometime arrogant people dictate their will on my actions and it just chafes my ass. Most people in charge are corrupt and you have to watch out for those that push their will on others.”

You have an opinion about everything, don’t you?

“Just the things that are important to me.”

I notice your list did not include a squeeze, wife, girlfriend, or fuck buddy.

“Couldn’t do that. Women are fragile and shouldn’t be put in danger. And the sea is not a place for them.”

How old world quaint and misogynistic at the same time.

*stares silently*

At this point your reporter was tired of getting stared at so we let the interview come to an end. We managed to get a followup on Brendon from two of his companions, the dull and uninteresting Abraxas Salazar and the dull and uninteresting Lyra Adder. Abraxas was the one with the correspondingly larger pecs, Lyra was the one with correspondingly larger wrists and hands. Their interviews appeared earlier in our program. Abraxas went first.

“Brendon ees a long haired former military, skilled, likea el Rambo but from zee Primera Sangre, si? He ees like that vet who has ven a casa after a long tour, and he do not be knowing how to fit in. Obviously he can fit in the casa, just not know HOW to fit in the casa? Si?”

“Senor Agua, he has seen some things, and ees comfortable in the depths looking for peligro, but not TRYING to find it. He ees more at peace out on missions…the wilderness…dungeons than he ees in a town. Too restless. Constantly moving forward. Senor Pacifico can certainly hold his own in a fight, can stra-ha-ge-hi-tize, and ees tres skilled.”

“I doesn’t like the idea of people calling Senor, "Thief" as Senor has stated multiple times that he ees a Scout. He has el impeccable skills and manual dexterity that boggles my mind! I isn’t sure Senor isn’t a Brujah when he unlocks doors or finds and disarms traps, because of how well he is moving his hands.”

“Senor, I espects him and holds him in high regardo, being a soldado who served his time and left after fulfilling his duty. Señor Latke is a man whom peligroso is always near. But he prefers it that way. He's un hombre que thinks much and speaks quietly. Muy importante a listen when he talks, or it could mean a quick arrow, spikes, trap, or muerte malo."

After wafting through the manlove, we had a chance to find Lyra’s nervous musings.

“Brendon? Haha well he sure is hell of-a lot taller, eh? He’s your basic-run of the mill pretty solider-boys. Hair slick back, groomed facial hair when he has the ability, blue eyes? Maybe green. Once again, I have no idea. I’m not locking eyes with my adventuring party. Lean - not terribly muscular but quick as a hare in a cabbage patch! Hehe. He always has this serious look about him, I respect and understand that. I don’t know what you want from me honestly, he looks like a guy.”