PBEM - Reward 4, Lyra

For the 4th "homework assignment", I had the group each write an answer to the question in their character's voice what they would want to do with their share of the treasure found and the reward money for returning the Prism Crown. Had to name a personal item, a real pie in the sky sort of item, and 2 other miscellaneous items they might want to spend their money on. Also, they had to pick one item that another party member should get. After receiving it, I wove it into a story format and we presented it to the group every couple of days or so. This is the fourth one, Lyra Adder, the Cleric! Each interlude takes place right after the last one - so if you want to read for continuity, check out the previous 3: Brendon Wyn or Lannis

Follows:

Lyra and Reward Money

“Are we having a private conversation over there?” Lannis asked, glancing at Brendon, Wyn, and Lyra who were talking quietly amongst themselves. “A private conversation that we aren’t allowed to be a part of?”

“No one iz keepin’ you out,” Wyn replied with a stifled yawn. “You ‘ave an ‘pinion on ever’thin’, non?”

“That’s because my opinion matters,” He answered with a smile. Lannis kicked off one boot and then the other, stretching his toes and arching his feet, the heel of his stocking sock wearing thin enough on the left side to show the skin of his foot beneath. “As opposed to Short John Copper over there,” he pointed at Brendon, “who wants a made up weapon to match his boots while he sails around the sea.” He chuckled.

“Senor truly doesn’t know he is not funny?” the Fighter asked, brow raised in surprise.

“You’d have to ask his mommy,” Kovid smirked. “She’d know best if he was funny.”

“It’s mummy, as in ‘yes mummy’, ‘no mummy’, and ‘I’ll get on it when I get back, mummy’.” Lannis sniffed. “Mommy is what poor kids call their female parental unit.”

“I thought you called yours, ‘Roommate’?” Lyra asked.

The Magic User shrugged. “She is willing to go half on the rent, we no longer have to worry about any parent/child relationship and the boundaries found with it.” He rubbed his fingertips together, “Costs, expenses, and needs involve making tough decisions. It’s partly of why this mission is going to be a windfall for me.”

Brendon rolled his picks back up, wrapping the loose thong around the leather case. “Well, my father was a notorious bastard but he was right about one thing, Lannis. Don’t count your coins or your fortune until you are back in harbor, off the ship, and the goods have changed hands.”

“Ooo, Pirate Wisdom.”

“That means, dumb ass, that we don’t have the Crown, haven’t gotten back to Specularum, and haven’t delivered it yet. So all your wool gathering and wants should be tempered with wisdom. We’ll get paid when we get paid.”

“Bah. Crappy wisdom. Didn’t hear one ‘Aargh’ or the term ‘landlubber’ or ‘keelhaul’ once.”

Lyra threw Lannis a sharp glare. “Do you ever rest that forked tongue of yours or do you sharpen it after breakfast each morning?”

“Did you..?!  What the..!?” Lannis sputtered. “How DARE you talk like that to ME!? Comparing me to an animal!? Are you some Philistine? A Barbarian at the gate? I don’t do that to you?!”

“You compare her to a horse all the time, Big Brain.” Kovid said.

“You make ze swamp and alligator comments ‘boot me as well, Monsieur,” Wyn sighed.

“I don’t know any time that I have allegedly done anything like that to any of you. And if I did, I’m sure you misremembered it or I was joking and you cannot take a joke.”

“Right,” Lyra shook her head, hair swinging, “Right.”

“I’ll prove it,” He pulled himself up, crossing his legs underneath himself. “I can care. I can be respectful. I can be the better man.”

“Oh, Aine help me,” the Cleric swore, putting her chainmail down. “My turn, I guess?”

“Sure it, your Worship. Tell us,” the Magic User waved his hand across the room, “How about it? What will you plan to do with your share of the treasure we've found as well as the reward the Academy is paying us for the return of the Prism Crown?”

“You don’t have to humor him, Lyra,” Brendon said.

“No, no, no. It’s ok. I assume we’ll all get a shot at it.” She looked up, a smile crossing her face. “Two hundred crowns, right? Each of us?”

“Si, Senora,” Abraxas answered.

Her smile grew wider. “What would I do with two hundred crowns... Goddess, what WOULDN'T I do? I’ll tell you - the FIRST thing I’d do is purchase a fucking horse and put as much distance between myself and you twats as humanly possible.” Her finger lanced out, pointing mostly at the Magic User.

“Wow, real nice!” Lannis said, clutching his hat his chest in mock surprise.

“Oh, don’t give me that look,” she said. “I’m kidding obviously.” She glanced again at Lannis, her smile slipping a bit, “Partially.”

“What a bi…” he looked up as Kovid grunted, the dwarf staring hard at him before continuing with, “…iiig joker you are.”

Lyra thought hard for a moment before grinning mischievously. “Seriously? Crazy want from reward money? I’ll tell you, I want a magic wand.”

“Some wands are only for zee users of zee magic ta use, Priestesse,” the elf offered.

“Ok. That’s fine. If that is the case then if I can’t use it, I’m going to hire a goon who can.”

“Wand of what?” Lannis asked. “Makeup?”

“Beer?” Kovid questioned.

“Flowers?” Brendon guessed.

“Wand o’ Cake de Diablo with Butterscotch cream and pequeña silver sprinkles on it maker thing?” Abraxas wondered, eyes shining.

“Wow, oddly specific,” Lyra smirked.

“Lo Siento,” he answered with a blush. “Still waiting on my cake.”

“It’s ok,” she said smiling before continuing, “I want a wand that can cast a spell on people that will cause them to become completely enamored with me.”

“Really?!” Lannis asked surprised and poorly hiding it. “That sounds…I don’t know…ethically gray to me?”

“It’s what I want. The whole nine yards. I want six-foot hulking men with big muscles feeding me grapes.” She sighed deeply. “They’ll rub my feet. Tell me I’m pretty. Build me a monument.” She waved her hands absently in the air. “I don’t know. You know. The whole Goddess treatment.”

“Eh-Thick-Alley s’rious dark grey, almos’ black I would t’ink,” Wyn whispered towards Lannis.

“Is that even a spell? And if so, who can cast it? And can it be modified for anyone?”

“Yeah,” Kovid shook his head, “Let’s not.”

Meanwhile Lyra was laughing cynically, her eyes both shining and barely holding back tears as she thought about it before looking around the room at the slightly worried expressions of her friends. “Sorry. Just really, you know, shooting for the moon with that.”

“No, no, it’s alright,” Kovid said with a soft smile. “Sometimes it would be nice to have a wand to wave around to make you feel better.”

Lannis shook his head with a sigh, “But not to mentally mind rape some beefcake to lick your instep and then practice the alphabet on your ‘private temple’ before dusting your knickknacks and making you a parfait.”

“Not ‘elping, Monsieur.” Wyn said.

“Fine, fine, fine.” He plastered a fake smile on and turned back to the Cleric. “So Miss Cringey, after you spend some honest coin on your own private Matriarchy, anything else you’d like?”

 Lyra grinned sheepishly, hair blocking half of her face as she pondered. “I want a mare. A pretty red one, like my dreams.”

“A ‘orse would be a good thing ta get,” Wyn replied.

“I wouldn’t name her Aine or anything dumb or obsessive like that,” she said absently, “Just a pretty thing, you know? Not a work horse or anything meant for battle. Just a pretty red horse.”

“That sounds nice,” Brendon replied. “Good thing.”

“Anything else, Senora?” Abraxas asked. “A caballo is a fine thing, but even with that and your wand, you can get mas. Mucho mas.”

“Hmmm, what else, what else,” She tapped her chin with her fingertip, brows furrowed in thought. After a few silent seconds she scoffed, “Huh. It’s weird... being put on the spot like this. In my free time I can think of a million things I want and here I am unsure.”

“What does your heart tell you?” the Scout asked.

She absently ran her hands along the bottom of her shirt, feeling the numerous loose threads and repairs. “I think for once I’d like some new clothing. I’m tired of wearing things I’ve repaired a million times.” She pulled the hem out and lifted it higher. “It rips, I sew it. It rips, I sew it. Might be time for some new. I mean a whole new set of clothing; even boots.” She added, giving Brendon a smile and pointing at his own worn pair.

“Wow, all sounds good so far. Except for the unwilling slavery wand, I mean,” Lannis said.

“Whatever,” she waved her hand absently at him. “I think I’d also want to pay for training. I wouldn’t mind learning to fight a little better, honestly.” She made a muscle and smiled depreciatingly. “A bit more endurance and strength wouldn’t kill me.” Lowering her arms she folded her hands in her lap. “I guess that’s depending if I don’t straight up retire after this.”

Brendon shook his head, “You shouldn’t retire, Lady. You are really good at this.”

“What? Clericing?”

He nodded. “Adventuring. World needs people like us, willing to go and do things that others can’t do. Others are afraid of doing.” He snapped his fingers, “I just figured it out. Know what you need?”

She shrugged. “What?”

"You need a valet to carry your stuff around."

“Ugh, Brendon, enough with the servitude stuff,” Lannis groaned. “It’s really getting creepy.”

“No, you dumb ass. A valet that she can hire. She needs someone like that.” He turned his attention back to Lyra. “You know speed is important at times. And I know you carry a lot of shit, but so far it hasn't been a hindrance to us." He frowned, “Buhht... a valet will probably bring more burdens than it's worth.”

“So, no valet?” she asked.

“No.” Brendon gave her a once over, looking at her equipment with a critical eye. “Got it. On second thought, you are wearing some nice armor and you do have your goddess at your beck and call."

“True,” Lyra replied.

"You do know that a sling has the same connotation to a foil or a rapier? They are all known as a wimpy woman's weapon that only spoiled and pompous fools with delusions of grandeur uses."

“Wow, Brendon, throw some shade around,” Lannis said. “And aren’t you and Captain Fancypants using one?”

The Scout shrugged. "Yeah I KNOW Wyn and I are using a sling at the moment, Pinkboy. We're trying to conserve our arrows."

“Zat is ver-ay true! Putain fleches!” Wyn agreed.

Turning back to Lyra Brendon pointed a finger at her, "Lass, get yourself a fucking morning star on a chain.” He mimed swinging one over his head. “You could get up front and cause some mayhem with it. And if not, you can spin that beast wildly around."

“And if that doesn’t work,” Lannis said, “you can whack some six foot tall muscled guy in the head with it and force him to feed you grapes when he wakes up.”

“Huh,” she said with a smile, “that does solve a few of my wants.”

“So Cringey,” the magic user said, shuddering.