This site is an online accumulation of the Post Reports for my current ongoing D&D Campaign - for anyone who might be interested in reading them.

Saturday, September 5, 2020

PBEM, Episode 145 - Butchers, Gnomes, and Brown Chicken/Brown Cow

The player running the Fighter flat out was entranced with the Butcher and offered to sleep with her if it would help and for roll playing purposes. So BX Baby! We went for it and I handled it as "boot scene" to avoid any strange porno style explicit descriptions.

Follows:

ONE HUNDRED FORTY FIVE

(I/C)

“I agree with you, that is a beautiful weapon,” Brendon said. He glanced at Abraxas and gave a subtle nod.

Kovid grunted, feeling the weight of his coin purse, “That sounds like a fair offer Lady Butcher. Perhaps I'll leave it up to the brainer members of my party to work out the specifics, but I believe we have the coin.”

“Excellent,” she said with a smile.

From behind Lyra, Lannis dared to look out at the bugbear and said, "Sounds like something approaching a fair deal, but,” he paused, seeing her smile slip a bit, and then rapidly continued speaking, “I think we should discuss you leaving behind some food for us that won't turn, preferably something precooked or smoked. Frozen goblin chunks won't do us much good. Then we can talk numbers Miss Butcher."

“Oh ho, so you’re a wizard and a merchant?” she smirked. Turning to the two gnomes, she called out to them, “Wahi twie goh tin def razor?” (Kovid, “What do we have in the freezer?”)

Standard and Typical both glanced at each other and replied, “4 kohs, 7 phen son, 3 thusin gahmb yrds” (Kovid, “4 cows, 7 venison, and 3 dozen game birds.”)

The Butcher turned back, teeth showing, “Done. Whatever we don’t take, you can have. Should keep you in foodstuffs for at least 3 weeks easy.” She walked to the door on the north wall, opening it, “As for eating it raw, even I prefer my meat cooked. When I’m gone, use my stove, I won’t need it.” 

Kovid bowed, “We really appreciate your willingness to speak with us and work out an agreement.”

Lyra followed behind the Butcher, “If it’s ok with you, I’d also like to request a little more information be put in the table in exchange too.”

“Ooo, two merchants. Well come on in, no need to talk in my work area.” She turned back to the gnomes, “Go get what we need together for a 35 mile walk back home, you two. And pack up your stuff as well, we’re gone before Corfard figures out we’ve left the Castle.”

“I’ll give them a hand,” Kovid offered, heading off to the eastern door after the two gnomes. They shrugged and opened the door, a blast of cold air racing out. Switching to gnomish, Kovid said to Standard and Typical, “Before you go, I wonder if there is any information you would care to share about your former employers here, that could aid us and guarantee Corfard won't be around to pester us in the future.” The two gnomes stared at each other mouths open, “I'd be willing to pay a little more for valuable information. Like you, we are just here for a job and I intend to do it well."

(Comparative CHA checks: <Kovid Yellow 3 (Beat by 7), <Standard White 2 (Beat by 8), Typical White 17 (over by 7))

“Garl’s Left Nut,” Standard swore, “You speak Gnomish?!”

“Most dwarves do,” Kovid replied.

Typical frowned, “Sounds like bullshit. You could have mentioned it earlier.” He pushed ahead, heading down the steps, lightly holding on to the railing until he arrived at the cavern floor.

“Don’t mind him,” Standard said following, “he doesn’t like anyone.”

“Especially you!”

“Whatever,” the gnome shrugged. “You get used to it.”

Kovid was at the base of the steps and looked around the very large cold and crystalline cavern. Two 15’ tall stalagmites were at the far end of the room, their tips just touching the domed ceiling above. The entire chamber was lit in a cool faint blue light that emanated from the walls and ceiling, along with a chilling air that kept the chamber a few degrees below freezing. The gnomes didn’t appear to be bothered by the cold as they made their way further into the room. There was a double bed that the gnomes slept in, a rack of books and chest of drawers that Typical began going through and putting together their personal belongings to take home.

A smattering of chairs were about the place and there was another pair of the cutting blocks in here. However it was the meat hanging from hooks, entire sides of cows and expertly skinned and dressed deer each having to weigh in excess of 90 lbs. And there were partridge and wild turkey as well, plucked and gutted, feet bound and hanging upside down, 3 dozen of them. Near the steps going up was a display rack where the outline of a scythe was imprinted…and a silver key with symbols to Morrigaan upon it hung innocently from a single hook.

“Holy Meat!” Kovid swore.

Standard smiled, “Yep. Hope you like to eat.”

“You have no idea.”

Meanwhile the party followed the Butcher to the room to the north and stopped in surprise. The chamber was neat as a pin, clean, and smelled like sandalwood and jasmine. In the far corner was a bed that had been extended along the base to support the Butcher’s larger frame and body. The bed coverings were pink and had been stitched together to make larger sheets and blankets. Her pillows had tassels and ruffles on them as well. There was a stout iron stove on the west wall, chimney going up to the ceiling, 3 assorted pans and pots hanging from hooks near it. The table was a bit larger and had a table cloth and some wine bottles on it. Tapestries were on the wall showing scenes from the life of an elven minstrel. Decorative candle holders were about the chamber with at least half a dozen unlit beeswax candles. A couch was on the east wall and the table had a stout wooden long bench to sit at. There was a stone heating brazier in the southwest corner currently keeping the room warm and comfortable.

In the middle of the table though was a harp. 4’ tall, silver clad frame festooned with odd crystals, and with strings of spun silver.

The Butcher entered and untied her apron, hanging in on a hook near the entrance, turned to the harp and picked it up, idly strumming the notes which sounded like liquid pleasure, and then sat down with a grin. “So, what do you want to know? AND, are we ok with the price?”

Brendon drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly, keeping his face empty and neutral. “I was going to ask about the music, but that bit of harp you have explains that.” He stumbled a moment and then asked, “We keep finding stairs down, where is the staircase up?”

She strummed the harp again, getting another radiant cascade of sounds to come out. Pointing west she said, “Go back to the main hall and take the next intersection to the north. If you have already taken care of Travis, and from the dwarf’s cladding, I’d say you did, go past there, turn east and then follow along till you can go to the north to the jails or south. Go south and take that about, beyond the Spider Goddess Statue and there’ll be a set of stair eventually to get you up.”

“Really” Lyra frowned. “That’s it?”

“Yep. Two other sets of steps were destroyed and buried when the spell went off, and Corfard collapsed the other one to limit the possible ways to come up to the second floor. He’s defensive and paranoid, but he’s not entirely wrong.”

Abraxas sidled closer, "Señorita Carcinera, I am not a man of many means. I am however one that does know a beautiful, smart, powerful woman of discerning tastes when I see one. I can pay for your time here, 30 gold pieces. I can pay 15 silver pieces to cover your gnome friends' time here. After that I am left with not much in terms of coin. I can offer 17 gold, 40 silver, 27 copper pieces for the Scythe... pero tambien... ayuda por tu... como dices... "Frustrations"?” He blushed a bit while struggling to get the sentence out.

The Butcher grinned, strumming her harp again. “Oh, really? If I haven’t slept with a Hobgoblin for the last 5 months, what makes you so confident?”

Sitting closer, laying his hand near her leg but not touching, he continued, “Perhaps some time, just the two of us, down at the Elven Bath?”

She leaned closer. “Really? I’ve never been down there. Heard there is a room that steams the entire time.”

“Si, don’t know if you've seen it, but it cleans everything with magic.”

“You are certainly getting my interest,” (Charisma interest in ‘doing it’ check, lower is better. <Abraxas Blue 4 (beat it by 8), <Butcher Black 1 (perfect score, beat it by 11!!) ) Her voice had gotten huskier and she plucked the harp strings together making a sharp sound like cracking ice.

“I wonder,” Abraxas risked putting his hand on her leg and stroked her muscular thigh through her leathers, “how dirty would one have to get it to break that majik? I'm willing to give it a try if you are? There are a large assortment of fine oils for a massage... or other uses.”

She chuckled, brow raised at the Fighter for his daring. “This is all…pleasing…to hear.” She drew a deep breath and let it out, grinning again, “but you are still very short on my payment, as distracting as it sounds to me.”

Wyn, tearing his gaze away and swallowing once to get the dryness out of his mouth, whispered to Lannis, “Monsieur Offop, you probably got de numbas figured out, already  oui?"

Lannis had his fingers tapping as he counted out and nudged Lyra. “Not counting Brendon who got fucked…screwed…er shorted out of coins earlier, if everyone coughs up 25 gold and..um..13 silver, we should be able to meat…er meet her price and big…wow… she is so good at deep breaths.”

“You’re a fucking pig,” Lyra hissed. “That’s a strong woman making her way in a man’s world and all you see is her breasts.”

“That’s because my damned eyes work!”

Meanwhile Wyn was muttering, “"H'okay... iffin Offop, de Priestess en Kovid pay de 25 gold, en Salazar it's de 30 gold, en 15 Silva, plus 'is 17 gold, 40 silva , en 27 coppa pieces... I cannot tell 'im to stop now since he already say dat all en it would really ruin de moment.. it was awfully sweet ov 'I'm to offer dat, Monsieur Salazar dat charma, den based on de current exchange rate it appears we still owe Mademoiselle Boucher, Standard and Typical.... 3 gold, 7 Silva en 3 coppa.”

Lannis just stared at Wyn who looked back and replied, "What? Monsieur Offop, ye not be de only one gud wit numbas."

The Butcher smiled, flicking her long ears. “Not just decorations, merchant wizard,” she called out. “The good elf, Wyn, has the right of it. But I’m going to have to ask you to pay me in the coins I requested.” She laid a hand on Abraxas’ chest, “Except you, your numbers were heartfelt and honest, and I might be willing to give up a bit to you for being so…nice.”

“So, wot iz it you need?” Wyn asked.

“There is no chance I’m going to hiym up any trading post or farmstead between here and Jector and try to pay for a mug of beer with a gold coin, not unless I have to kill everyone cutthroat in the place. And the gnomes, I love them, but they’ll spend their money on a double weight self leveling hand spangler if given the opportunity so to keep trinkets and tinkering to a minimum, copper only for them or I’ll be up to my eye balls in widgets.”

“So…”

“150 Copper, 300 silver, and 100 gold.” She smiled at Abraxas, “Less the 17 extra gold that he was willing to pay, in exchange for some easing of frustrations.”

“Señorita Carcinera, in no uncertain terms - after payment of you and your gnome friends' time here, I am offering you everything of me. Todos de me. I may be a man of simple means, but I am also a man of simple pleasures. As it is, I am at your service, señorita bonita." He took out his pouch and started counting out coins.

Wyn, Lyra, Lannis, all pooled their coins together and came up with a number that would pay the Butcher and her gnomes for their time as well as the cost of the Scythe. Brendon ran off to get Kovid’s share from him, the dwarf sitting down in the cold freezer and talking to Standard while Typical was packing up their gear to go.

(Abraxas: 30 Gold, 80 Silver, 30 Copper

Lannis: 17 gold, 50 silver, 30 copper

Lyra: 17 gold, 60 silver, 30 copper

Kovid: 17 gold, 80 silver, 30 copper

Wyn: 2 gold, 30 silver, 30 copper)

Once the coins were passed over and the Butcher counted them with a smile and swept them into her bag, she stood and bowed low to the group. “Well! Merchants and Adventurers. For that, I thank you.” She turned back to her bed, “I’m not a fan of public shows so why don’t you all, except Abraxas, go wait inside the butchery.” She reached up to undo her armor buckles when she stopped and looked at Wyn. “Elf.”

“Oui?” he turned back, guarded.

She picked up the harp and handed it to him. “Something for you to play with while I’m borrowing your fighter.” The instrument felt cool to Wyn’s touch, almost thrumming. “Most anything you play on it sounds like elven music. Enjoy.” Her brows lowered, “But that is MY harp. And when I’m done and leaving, that’s coming home with me, okay? I lending it to you now. Understand.”

Wyn was staring at the harp, noting that on the side written in small letters it read, “In memory for Rowena” in elvish. “Crystal,” he replied.

“Perfect.” She made shooing motions to the group to leave, “Scootch. Go, get out of here.” She turned back around and shut the door with a firm slam, the group could then hear the sound of the locking bar sliding in place. And then there was a low feminine growl and something heavy slammed against the wall and Abraxas grunted in pain and pleasure.

“She sounds busy,” Lannis said moving away from the door and towards the other side of the room. Brendon checked out the front door to the butchery and slid the locking bar in place there as well. “Just in case someone wants to investigate the ‘noise’ coming from in there.”

Wyn was strumming the harp and as he did, almost everything he played sounded like traditional elven songs, almost as if the harp moved his fingers just before they hit the strings. And the songs were beautiful, pulling tears from deep inside of him as he was transported across time and place back to his youth, hearing the ancient elven melodies played again from the harp (Wyn, playing the harp once per day heals any elf that hears it back to full and restores all spells cast – you have both spells back and heal 2 hp).

Time now is Day 4, 12:58

(OOC)

Assume another 45 minutes for Abraxas. What would you guys like to do for the next 45 minutes? Any questions specifically for the gnomes? Want to try the key? More stuff with the harp? Look around? What’s the plan?

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