PBEM - Application 7, Halfling!

This was a bonus one. I had the group write, if they wanted, about the Halfling that had not made the party (B/X has 7 choices, the Halfling was the unoffered one) and I filled in a bunch myself. Enjoy!

Follows:

HALFLING

“Blessed Corfard? What is the matter?”

~ “What’s the matter?! Adept, my sweet innocent Adept…I have just learned that Travis, my Spy…has been SLAIN!”

“Oh no! By who?”

~ “…Are…Are you joking?”

“No, Blessed Corfard. I wonder who would dare to strike out at the Spy and risk your ire.”

~ “…Adept. There are…you have been here while I’ve been…”

“Blessed One?”

~ “The Adventuring Party? The Murderers? Strike any bells?”

“Oh! You think?”

~ “Why do I even bother…Yes! Yes you lowly worm, I DO think! Who the hell else would it be then?”

“I don’t know, Blessed One! That’s why I asked you.”

~ “Of all the mother…Fine. Fine. My Divine Will has revealed the answer to you. The murderous scum have killed Travis, my Spy.”

“They shall pay for this transgression, Blessed Corfard.”

~ “And they shall. Although it might be a bit longer to make them pay since my goblin skulker has been taken out. Never matter, it’s just another insult they have heaped against me and my followers here at the Murderer’s Castle. Their reckoning will come.”

“Could we also say, they will rue the day?”

~ “We can, Adept.”

“Their chickens will come home to roost?”

~ “…Yes…that as well.”

“Vengeance shall be ours?”

~ “Yes, yes, yes. All of that, Adept. All of that and more. The 6 of them will answer to me before this matter gets too old.”

“Blessed One?”

~ “Yes?”

“That was something that always bothered me. There are 6 of them here.”

~ “Excellent math and parroting skills, my Adept.”

“Thank you, Blessed One. Should see me ace a cognitive test as well.”

~ “Sounds presidential.”

“Anyway. Isn’t the standard grouping of adventurers 7?”

~ “Actually is the 4 canon classes. It’s just that there are 7 distinct choices that had been offered after the expansion from the brown boxes.”

“Blessed One?”

~ “Never mind. It’s not important. In a way, you are correct. If the Academy was looking to maximize their chances of success, they should have expanded the team to include a full roster of seven adventurers covering all the aspects and options.”

“I wonder why they did not?”

~ “Hmmm. I as well…Adept!”

“Yes, Blessed Corfard?”

~ “ I believe it is time for me once more to cast my divine will backwards through the etherflow of time and reveal to us the mystery of the missing personage from the Adventuring Group.”

“Blessed One! Show me! Show me!”

~ “I shall. I command you forces of the eternal; wrench yourself from the rigid polarity you are enslaved to and answer my will with a bend upon the pillars of the firmament. I open the gates to the world that WAS, to show to us here, in the world that IS, the interviews that were with the Academy and the untaken adventuring type, the Halfling…BEHOLD!!”

The air split open and there was a rolling thunderous wave that seemed to reach from one end of the sky to the other. The ground quivered and waves of photons billowed out from the torn hole like an oily plasma, stray prismatic lights bouncing around wildly.

~ “Ah…fuck.”

“Blessed One?”

~ “I…I fucked up, Little Adept.”

“I don’t understand.”

~ “My fault, my fault. Normally I ask for a specific window to the past, and here I forget to limit it on that. So there will be every interview the Academy had done for this adventure with Halflings who wanted to come.”

“Oh my! Surely there can’t be that many?”

~ “We shall see. I’ll do what I can to keep it in order. Right now my CPU is overclocked and at risk of burning up. I’ve added a second heat sink and turned on the watercooler module as well. Luckily I have enough RAM and the V-card is an Nvidia Quadro so we should be good to go.”

“The Blessed One again speaks in the language of the gods.”

~ “I get it. Ok… first one is coming through.”

“Oh! The figure is so small!”

~ “Let us listen.”

"So, Halfling, what makes you the best candidate out of the other choices to be entrusted with this mission? Why you?"

The figure appearing was elfin in his appearance with a furry vest and carrying a 4’ long forked sling staff. He was moving about in quick little bursts of speed, a long topknot bouncing back and forth. “So I’m between jobs right now and looking for something to do that could use my talents because nothing makes me feel like I’m not adding to making things better if I’m not out there helping. Always helping and helping, that’s what Flint says. Flint is my best buddy in the whole world even though he’s dead and is up there with Reorx waiting at the forge for me or something like that. I don’t know, I’m not real big on dwarven ideas of the afterlife and what’s going to happen when you die which I hope happens to me a long long long long long time from now. And then add on some more time because dying sounds bad and I almost died from a poison spider bite but I was healed by my friend Raist who isn’t a cleric but a wizard and isn’t friendly but I’ve known him for a long time and he threatened to hang me upside down over a deep hole unless I stopped talking but I think he was kidding. So anyway, I’m Tass and I’d love to go on an adventure with whoever you want me to.”

“Holy shit!”

~ “I know! Did he even breathe?”

“I think, Blessed One, that he had to have gills or an extra lung in his leg because he just did not shut up.”

~ “I don’t think there is any explanation why he did not get assigned to the group. Here comes the next interview.

The image shifted to show what appeared to be a human male without any legs talking to the 6 council members. Even though he was being interviewed, his voice was not heard but a deeper voice, sounding similar to Kovid’s, could be heard narrating the exchange.

“Oh, another one of these voice overs.”

~ “It happens, Adept.”

“Halfling? Oh! Hahaha, yes! There was this guy in full, well not full, but in armor. Shorter than me, yeah. I’m not sure he was a halfling though. The guy said he used to be some kind of Paladin or something.”

“What’s a paladin, Blessed One?”

~ “In other worlds, it’s a derogatory term for an ‘unfun virgin’.”

“Sounds dreadful.”

“Story he told was about some terrible dungeon. Grue I think he said, took his legs clean off. One swipe…. His party was able to get the stubs cauterized somehow and get out. Walks on his hands now, little fella. I think they just let him in for the interview to cover their own arses and look good to the rest of the board. No discrimination policy or whatever. He had no business being there really. He told me straight out he wasn’t even that good of a soldier before the accident! Can you believe that? Said his name was Gabriel Something or other.”

“So he was a cripple, and virginal, and unfun, and not a Halfling, Blessed One.”

~ “And a good reason he was not included then.”

“Sounds horrible!”

The image shifted again to show a small figure waddling a bit, holding a white wrapped bundle in one arm a red haired baby peeking out, a walking staff in the other, his blue shirt a bit worn and a tired hopeless look on his face.

“Um, Blessed One? A baby?”

~ “I cannot believe he brought a child to a job interview.”

“So, I’m looking for some job that will pay me quick. I have to get this baby to Finn Razel and the rest of my travelling companions have gone home. It’s hard being a Nelwyn out here and I suspect that without a good adventuring group for me to hook up with, Daikini or not, I won’t be able to take care of Alora.”

“He uses strange terms to refer to himself, Blessed One.”

~ “That he does. I assume it’s for flavor as it doesn’t seem to have a peck of need for the terms he uses.”

“And that baby? I would image he stole it.”

~ “It certainly is too tall to be a Halfling baby. But, for all his weirdness, he is a competent magic user.”

“Really Blessed One?”

~ “Trust me, I can tell.”

“What can I do? I’m a sorcerer. Well..not really a real real type sorcerer. But I do know a few tricks.”

~ “You know what? Scratch that. He has the spark of magic but sounds like a moron.”

“I’ll be hanging out at the Crossroads if you need me. The rooms here are too expensive and there is a mad looking chatty warrior in the crowcage hanging there that I promised to go and keep company with while I wait for an answer.”

“Sounds like he was on his adventure already, Blessed One.”

~ “Indeed, Adept.”

The image shifted again to show a dark brown haired Halfling sitting on a dark road, a chain around his neck, sad expression on his face, holding the chain away from him to look at the golden ring dangling there.

~ “Nope, nope, nope.”

“Blessed One?”

~ “Going to skip right past this one.”

The image shifted again to show a short and almost obese Halfling hanging out in the Common Room of the tavern, wandering from table to table and poking his eyes and fingers around other people’s plates and belongings.

“Ugh. Didn’t know they came that wide.”

~ “That is what happens when a Halfling loses his or her self-control.

A voice was heard talking as the Halfling wandered the room, not coming from the figures within but heard as a voice over. “I seem to remember the li’l guy was eating a lot in the ‘One Nut Hangs Lower Inn’. He didn’t speak much except for the occasional ‘you gonna eat that?’. He was about one foot shorter then Korvid and well groomed."

“Sounds like a flashback more than anything else.”

~ “True. And this Halfling is shown with various other members of the Adventuring Group. Perhaps he knew them or was tentatively employed?”

“I remember Wyd suggesting we all turn in for the night, to get a good night’s rest thing. We were getting up from the table when again I heard ‘you gonna eat that’, then he said ‘I’ll be up in a second, I wanna finish what Landris left.’ “

“Blessed One, whoever is doing this voice over has done a terrible job researching the party since he has mangled most of the names he has said.”

~ “True, Adept. And there are numerous typos but thankfully they have been scrubbed out for the purposes of this showing.”

“The next morning the li’l guy was sitting at the table waving us over. ‘You gotta eat before you go. You don’t know when you’re gonna get food like this.’ We talked about the mission as we ate, ‘you gonna eat that’ gathered up his packs and headed off. I think we left the li’l guy behind. Too bad, he would have loved the meat room.”

~ “That is typically a problem with Halflings, I’ve been told. Is that they get lost in the food aspect of the adventure and tend to put on weight.

The image shifted again to show a Halfling woman in leather armor that was too tight for her as her midsection and prodigious lower extremities and thighs looked like they were going to burst free at any moment. She swung a sling absently as she spoke to the councilors, had a mop of shoulder length curly hair, a curious tattoo of something with tentacles just visible on her arm, and an infectious smile. But, there was something in the back of her eyes that was unsettling.

“Oh my, Blessed One.”

~ “Yes. This one looks like trouble.”

“Sybil is the name and I am looking to join a group. A good group, just like my last group. They were great, terrific, the best friends one could ever want. It feels like forever since I’ve seen them last. I mean I hear from them now and again but it’s not the same as actually adventuring with them. You ever have friends? Of course you’ve had them. Everyone has. One can always use more friends. I’d be your friend. Even if you don’t pick me for this adventure, which would be a terrible mistake, I’d still be your friend. I’ve been friends with lots of people. Cyclops. Giants. Trolls. Dwarves. I’m well versed and my best friend is Dizzy. He was used as a dildo and vibrator by the giant so we could get a sheep. But it was worth it because the guy we got the sheep for went to jail. But hey, I know that we’ll always have the memories to keep us warm.”

~ “That, Adept, is a prime example of ‘Crazy Girl’.”

“She was certainly unsettling to me, Blessed One.”

~ “Best advice, just lose her number if you have it and forget to contact her again, should you find the Halfling leech like that in your circle of companions.”

The image shifted again to show another Halfling, heavily cloaked and looking around the room with furtive glances. He had stains on his sleeves and chin, and there was the tell-tale sign of a short sword occasionally poking from under his cloak.

“This one looks…messy.”

~ “At least he isn’t tending towards obese.”

A voice over sounded as scenes of the Halfling flitted through the displayed image one after another. “The Halfling was a very curious fellow. Eating and disappearing was like everything he did. Short curled locks of hair, about half my size. He was stopping us like every other hour to have some food. Strangely he was very quiet. Often times he would disappear and we would lose him for hours until we would find him by the sound of his snoring.”

“Doesn’t sound like a responsible team member.”

~ “No he does not, Adept.”

“He had really fast hands Señor, I tell you. He would steal fruits and whole pies from vendors and bakers the moment they turned around and then he was gone. Like magic he would disappear and we would have to wait for the snores to begin again. He'd usually have some jelly, syrup, or chocolate all over his face, like a little kid with cake.”

“No real surprise why he was not in this party.”

~ “No. Children are to be looked at and eaten if too unruly, not indulged and allowed to join adventuring parties.”

“Words to parent and live by, Blessed One.”

The image shifted again to show a dark haired Halfling covered in bits of spider webbing and grit, holding a sword in one hand on some mountainous area, his other grabbing a chain off his neck with a golden ring dangling from it, his eyes fixated on it, brows beetled, mouth open slightly and a look of yearning hunger in his eyes.

~ “Oh really?! Again! Nope, nope, nope. Let’s skip this guy. Not going to happen.”

“Is that the same one from before, Blessed Corfard?”

~ “Yep. And we have enough problems without getting this yabbo mixed up in our narrative.”

The image shifted again to show a village with numerous colorful homes and an almost artificial looking sky behind them. A Halfling with a childlike look to him was holding an oversized lollypop and had a squint and sneer on his face at the same time. He had an oversized silk bowtie and a pair of German dancing pants but no armor.

“What the hell?”

~ “I…I have no words.”

“Me? I’m Gustav, and I represent the Lollypop Guild. I’m an enforcer of it, you know? I do things with a lollypop that make other people uncomfortable. Need a lollypop shoved up an orc’s ass? I’m your guy. Need a witch beaten to death with a lollypop? I can do that. I have a hitch in my step from dodging a falling house in my younger days but it hasn’t had any effect on my eyes, my speed, or my ability to ram an oversized lollypop into places that you don’t expect a lollypop to he rammed into.”

~ “There are something that make you feel bad for a species when you see it with your own eyes.”

“I can see why no Halflings made it on this adventure, Blessed One.”

The image shifted again to show a short Halfling, almost gnomish looking, sitting alone in the tavern, one foot kicked up on the side of the table. He had almost no belongings and from the look of the rest of the room, no one wanted to sit with him. He was holding a pair of short sticks in his hand and had an apple pie and a mug of beer in front of him.

“Well, this fellow seems a bit lonely.”

~ “True. It appears he was left behind.”

The Halfling peered around as if he was looking for someone and then shook his head sadly. Idly he picked up his sticks, stared at them, and then smiled broadly, smacking them together twice and shouting out, “Clang! Clang!” before sitting back down to take another bite of his pie.

~ “Wow. That is just so…”

“Sad, Blessed One?”

~ “I was going to say Pathetic.”

The image shifted again to show a curly dark haired brown Halfling standing before an open lava vent, numerous scratches, cuts, and wounds marring his crazed and wild eyed face. He was staring back at another Halfling who was fairly well built but was carrying about 25 extra unneeded pounds. He had a chain around his neck that he was holding out at arm’s length, a golden ring dangling from the end of it, and an unhinged and hateful consumed look in his eyes.

~ “Stop! How does he keep coming up? No, no, no. Next, Skip, Fast Forward.”

“I feel so bad for that Halfling, Blessed Corfard.”

~ “Trust me, Adept. There is precious little you need to worry about regarding that one. Just be happy he’s not on this adventure.”

The image shifted one last time to show a bearded Halfling standing before the councilors. He had a long scar cutting diagonally across his face and was wearing well fitting finery with a lion motif sewn in it, addressing the 6 councilors while holding a flagon of wine in his hands.

“He looks…familiar, Blessed One.”

~ “Hmm, I agree.”

“Halfling? Do I look like a Halfling? I’m a dwarf, been one all my life. It’s hard enough being unloved by your father, spurned by your sister, and knowing that your birth killed your mother. It would be enough to drive one to drink. And if that’s one thing I do, it’s drink. I drink, and I know things. As for your offer of an adventure, I’d have to pass. Sounds like something I might have done in my younger days but now I’d like to be more careful and not die horribly in some hole underground far away. Nope, if given the chance I’d rather die in my own bed, with a belly full of wine, and a maiden's mouth around my cock, at the age of eighty.”

Finally the hole slammed closed with a crackle and the smell of ozone faded away.

“Blessed One, I can see now why there are no Halflings in the Adventuring Party.”

~ “And after seeing the choices that were offered, I think we can all be happy about it as well.”

PBEM, Episode 121 - Secrets, Travis, and End of Day

 ONE HUNDRED TWENTY ONE

(I/C)

Brendon put away the last of his meal and then went through his back, taking out the two cracked vials. He put one in the wooden cup and then smashed it with the dagger hilt. He was muttering and griping while doing it. “So buddy,” Lannis asked, looking over, “Decided to break some glass?”

“If you must know, Big Brain,” the Scout replied, I’m making some glass shards to sling at someone later if need be.”

“Sure, sure,” the Magic User noted the angry motions Brendon was making. “And you aren’t just maybe, hitting them a bit forcefully, huh?”

Still grinding for a moment, Brendon stopped and looked up at Lannis. “What? What?”

“I’m just saying, there seems to be some pent up aggravation going on with you.”

“Perhaps, the Senor hit hit head and is acting a bit loco?” Abraxas snorted from the other side of the room, getting himself ready to rest.

Clapping his dagger down, Brendon snarled, “You know what? I’m drained emotionally.” He began gesturing around the room. “The dwarf went ballistic peeing on a skull smashed goblin then moves it around. The Fighter is having a hissy fit that the Scout,” he slapped himself in the chest with both hands, “didn’t follow some sort of rule. Lyra snatched a healing potion from my hands with a snarky response just to hand it back to me. Travis the speedy goblin was a blur stabby thing. And you Lannis? You’re just being a bit too much Lannis for me. So yeah I’m tired, dad!”

Abraxas draped his sword across his lap, eyes focused on Brendon’s. “The Senor Scout is still not understanding why the party is upset at him for deciding against them, even after this time. And now, how we supposed to siesta and discuss watches when you are tres malo? Huh?”

Lannis shrugged, “Brendon, you are being kind of a dick.”

“Get off on how I am, Lannis,” Brendon frowned.

“Si! You might get stabbed in your sleep!” Abraxas laughed and seeing the shocked look of the rest of the room, added, “Obviously a joke! I would not do this, si?”

“Holy Aine! Would the two of you just knock it the hell off? Really? Now? You’re doing this?”

Pouring the last of the glass shards into the remaining vial, Brendon carved off a piece of his elven soap and stoppered the top. “You know, forget it. My head is fine.” He rolled over, pulled his cloak up to his chin and growled, “Night!”

Abraxas took a deep breath to say something but a subtle head shake from Lyra and Lannis had him blow it out unspoken instead. “Hey,” the Magic User said, “I want to make sure we’re not bothered. So I am going to Web the door closed as well, should slow anyone who might sniff us out from getting in. Give me a hand moving some of the stuff, ok?”

While they were moving things and Lannis Webbed the door closed, Lyra checked everyone’s wounds one last time and got herself ready to sleep. “Well, tensions are high and we’re pretty stretched thin. If it means anything, I agree. I feel like we need as much rest as possible if we want to continue. That’s just my vote. We can’t go out there facing stronger foes with already staggered stamina and strength.”

“Get some sleep, Lyra,” Wyn said. “Dwarfriend and moi shall watch over first watch.”

One by one, the party fell asleep while Kovid moved the lantern away from the door area and the two of them took to listening. As the watch went on, he turned to Kovid and asked,"'ow you 'oldin' up dwarfriend?"

Kovid smiled, "Thank ya Wyn, I’m a bit sore, especially my throat, but I am alright. That was a close one though,” he rubbed his neck, “thought my number was up.”

“Oui,” Wyn agreed, “t’was close for both of us. I ees doin just fine, all tings considered. Getting stabbed is pretty awful, but tankfully we got de mageek en potions. ‘eals you right up.”

“Figures it was a fucking gob too.” Kovid turned his hammer in his hand, staring at its silvered head. “Still, it makes a good story.” He knocked on the chest of his new armor.

“Definitely glad you got sum plate back. Should help takin out more of dem gobs en hobs more easy. Nice work woth dem adjustments. Looks like it was made for you. Hope it serves you well.”

“Thanks Elf-friend,” he clapped Wyn on the shoulder, “We make a pretty good team, all of us, don't we?”

Wyn shrugged but nodded his head, “I’m enjoy in’ de journey we be on. It’s an intestin’ place dis castle... dough sometimes Wyn wonders iffin de Academy picked out memba dat would wanna fight each other on purpose,” he pointed to Brendon and Abraxas at opposite sides of the room. “Hmm, I don’t tink anyone would believe dat de dwarf en de elf get along betta den some of dem humans, eh?”

“You can say that again.”

Time passed (WMC: White 4, White 2, Grey 1) but it was some 2 to 3 hours into the watch that the two of them heard footsteps at a distance in the hall. “Shh,” Wyn whispered, ear to the portal listening. (Result: Green 4, # Appear: Red/Black 4, >Hear Noise: Yellow 16)

“What is it?”

“Slow. 3…4. Bare feet. Light.” The group listened as the figures came closer and then paused outside the door briefly before continuing on. They waited, hearing whoever it was go on and seemed to stop at the next door briefly before moving on again. Eventually there was nothing to be heard but Wyn and Kovid stayed on high alert for the remainder of the watch (at least an hour and a half) before accepting the fact that whatever and whoever it was, kept going.

Eventually they woke up Abraxas, filling the fighter in on what was happening. Kovid relit the lantern for the big man and gave him another vial of oil, “For when the lantern runs out.”

“Go, rest,” he said.

“Monsieur,” Wyn asked, glancing at the sleeping Brendon, “There will be no problem?”

Abraxas sighed, “No, Senors. It is obvious that Senor Braindum and I do no see eye on eye, and we will never be amigos, but I wont let meself be dragged into fight with him. He seems…angry more so these last few days…er…hours. I think he needs the rest.”

“Good man,” Kovid said yawning, “Wake us if something happens.” The elf and dwarf went to sleep and that left Abraxas alone keeping watch.

As the time went on, he shifted a chair over in the corner so he could have a view of both doors out of the upper Barracks. Sighing, he withdrew the Wooden carved dog and puppy that had been found in Travis’ room, trying to get a feel for its craftsmanship.

As he ran his fingers over the piece, he let his mind wander, eyes pointed at the doors. “Who made you?” he whispered, “What hand did it, Senora Doggo? Dwarven? Elven? Goblin? Kobold?” He sighed, fingers tracing the cuts and nicks in the wood. “So many manus touched you, Senora. You were at one point hidden in a block of wood, si?  A block. Unshaped. Uncultured. A world of possibilities. What else did you almost become?”

Wiping his face with his free hand, he continued to whisper to the carving. “I am like you, si? What else could Abraxas become? At the beginning of all of this, I was like this once, a solid block. My work at the dock, it shaped me, made my life is be what it be.” He studied the back of his scarred and callused hand, “Losing that, I am now on an adventure, something I never aspired to. The carving of me, it has been more deliberate, harsher, less over time and more aggressive. Every fight, every choice, every path we follow carves me down.”

His hand clenched, knuckles showing white for a bit before he could force himself to relax. Once calm, he looked at the carving again, thumb running idly over the smiling puppy. “You, Senora Doog, you were not a piece made idily. You were made with el purpose. A dog and her pup. A child with their parent. A loving connection between two beings.”

He smirked, “And you were yet found with Senor Travis, murdering spy, si? Why him, was he the maker of you, Senora? Was this made by a doting parent for their child? A caring child to express their love for their parent? What was the relationship? Can a creature that loves, enough to carve this symbol of their devotion, be evil?” He brought it up so he could stare into its face, eyes clouded with concern. “Who made you?”

“Follower of Corfard,” he scoffed, “Some ‘Goblin God’? All of us, we have seen Kobold’s, Grilljerks, with mastery of undeath, and there is a different ‘God’ - Nergal - they serve as well. And yet, Grilljax still followed under Corfard. He had majiks that were more powerful than anything our own party could do,” his voice dropped to a whisper and he made the sign to ward off the evil eye, “raising the dead.”

He shook his head, “And those scal'ed Adepts, they also had majik that was of a level of some of our party. Corfard can not be just a simple Majik user, he has to have some sort of true majik mastery to command the minds and sway hold over all those under him. To proclaim him a God - that insinuates a power level well above those that serve.”

The Fighter worked his jaw, teeth clenching, “He was able to get into my thoughts. From who knows how far away. But even with all that ‘power’ - he still tried to persuade mis amigos through me to just leave.” His broke into a sardonic smile, “He is definitely afraid of us, of what we are capable of as a group. Corfard the Craven, Corfard the Cowering, Corfard the Dead. These are the names he will go by once we return victorious from this expedition. Crown in hand, Corfard laid to eternal unrest.”

(WMC: White 5, Red 6, Steel 5) The watch passed without issue. He filled the lantern at one point when it finally ran low and finally yawning about 1:30 in the morning, nudge Lannis to awaken. "H'okay, time to get up. Necesito dormir. Suerte Bueno amigos." 

Getting himself to bed after telling the Magic User what he had seen and what Kovid and Wyn had heard, Abraxas settled off and finally slept. Lannis awoke Lyra and Brendon, catching them up to speed. For the first hour they three of them were on alert (WMC: Red/Black 1) when Brendon hissed for them to be quiet as he walked to the door, head tilted.

“What?”

“Someone coming. Douse the lantern.”

Lyra turned the wick low until the fire guttered out and Lannis and Brendon were near the door, bow and rod ready. (Result: Steel 6, # Appearing: Red/Black 4, >Hear Noise, Black 20 – Critical failure) Whatever it was was slow, heavy, and methodical in its walk. It almost sounded like a trudge. There was also a smell, faint and of corruption. Whatever it was was walking from south to north, and there were a few of them. “Defiler,” the two of them heard one of the creatures say, where a few seconds later, there were three more voices echoing the same thing, “Defiler."

“Guardians?” Lannis mouthed and Brendon motioned him to be silent.

“Searching for Corfard,” one of them said voice getting fainter as it walked north and away. “Searching for Corfard,” came the answering replies.

Once they were safely gone, Lyra shook her head, “We do not want to be fighting them.”

“Why’d they come here?” Brendon wondered. “Did they lose Corfard?”

Lannis shook his head. “I think the opposite, Corfard sent them to wander the castle, ordering them to look at his request.”

“And looking for us,” Lyra muttered.

“But they don’t know where we are.”

“Yet.”

The rest of the watch (WMC: Red/Black 3, Red/Black 2) was without issue and Brendon told Lannis and Lyra to study and pray until finally the watch was over and the rest of the group woke up. Wyn spent some time studying his own spells and the group broke their fast and felt good and ready for the day’s activities (Lannis heal 2, Lyra heal 3, Wyn heal 1, Brendon heal 2, Kovid heals 5)

Time now is 6:30 AM (DAY 4)

(OOC)

Ok! Lannis, let me know what spells you have picked for today. Group is rested, hp back, and it’s a new day. Where are we going and what is the plan, and how are we going to get there? We had 2 WMC checks come up positive but the enemy listen check was very poor and both of them walked on by.

Revised Character Sheets for the new day will follow.

PBEM - Application 6, Kovid/Dwarf

 Aaaaand - the last one of 6 for the current group members. As mentioned, asked everyone to write 2 paragraphs about their assumed interview with the Academy and we dressed it up here. I also had each person write 1 interview with an alternate character that did not come. This was Kovid / Dwarf.

Follows:

KOVID

“Blessed Corfard, are you awake?”

~ “Indeed I am, Adept.”

“What is it you are doing?”

~ “Tying to ping the Spy’s location on my GPS.”

“Oh…The wonders of the celestial realm are unfathomable, Great One.”

~ “So I’ve been told. Grrr, can’t get the packet to go through.”

“Do you need me to make a bigger hole? Or will your Blessedness require a smaller package?”

~ “No, Adept. Neither will resolve this. Forget it, I will dispatch word to the K’bolds tonight to find the sleeping lair of these ridiculous interlopers once and for all and then send a troupe of my Guardians to suss them out.”

“And the package needs to be smaller because you won’t need as much.”

~ “Not quite, Adept. But that matters not. It is time for us to delve once more into the time of things that were and this time we are going to learn the origins of the most stoic and rock-minded of the adventuring group.”

“The moron, Blessed One?”

~ “Hahahaha! Very funny, Adept. Yes the moron. Also known as the dwarf.”

“Ah! That was my second guess.”

~ “Dwarves are known to be notorious closet crossdressers and have penchant for buggery. It’s why they like being in tight caves all the time.”

“The goblins refer to dwarves as Bearded Sausages.”

~ “Adept, the goblins are known to eat their own feces if hungry enough. Don’t listen to much to them.”

“Understood, Blessed One.”

~ “It’s best if you just give them a wide berth. Have a conversation with the Hobgoblins if you must converse with a greenskin. Less likely chance that you’ll be forced to dumb yourself down to discuss anything other than navel lint and itchy skin patches.

“I will.”

“Now, for the last time, I will push my divine will beyond the pale of this mortal realm and cast my mind’s eye backwards to the time of Kovid Manslayer XIX and his treatment with the Academy…BEHOLD!”

The chamber quivered with unbridled energy and a rumble of thunder filled the room as a burst of electricity tore from the cloudless sky above and stroked down to blast the floor of the great room, the reek of ozone and promising rain filling the air. Through the spasming rip, a hole could be seen and in it a well lit room with a half dozen older men and women standing about, and armored dwarf with twin war hammers was standing at attention.

“Such wonders.”

~ “You should see me at parties.”

“I can only dream.”

~ “Let me power this down, I lose 3 bars easy from interference of the etherflow and even though my divine will is limitless, I am never sure if a filtering through the vault of time counts as a roaming charge.”

“I will go with you, Blessed one, if you are looking to go somewhere.”

~ “Hmm, I’m not even going to unpack that answer. It’s just not worth it. Let us listen to the dwarf.”

"So, Kovid Manslayer XIX, what makes you the best candidate out of the other choices to be entrusted with this mission? Why you?"

“Blessed One? The Academy does not have any dwarves on its hiring board yet they are looking to interview this one. Are they qualified to do such?”

~ “I assume there is a battery of questions that the ask standard. Things that they look for. Beard? Axe of Hammer? Accent? Height or lack thereof? Most dwarves are interchangeable, like large sacks.”

“Blessed One?”

~ “Sure. You know you need  a bag to hold something but your choices are burlap, leather, or woven sisal. Which do you choose?”

“I do not know, Blessed Corfard.”

~ “That’s the point. It doesn’t matter. Just pick one. It’s a large sack. Dwarves are the same way, for all their individuality and edgy origins, they are all hairy, mopey, taciturn, axe or hammer using fighter types with a glandular condition and an open seat at the corner bar.”

“Huh! I never realized that.”

~ “Prejudice and bigotry are there for a reason, Adept. Shortcuts to help you come to the same conclusion careful thought, study, and conversation would have led you to anyway. Let us listen.”

“I spoke to the councilors about the obvious reasons to choose a dwarf fighter…”

“Blessed One? I hear the voice, but I do not see Kovid specifically saying these words.”

~ “Ugh. Same as the issue with the Token Female, we do not have the actual record of Kovid’s conversation. Instead we have this voice over work going on instead.

“It certainly seems sketchy, Blessed One.”

~ “Dwarves will always do things the hard way if given a chance. Why take 4 steps to do something when 17 is so much better? Let us rewind and listen to this ‘voice over’.”

“I spoke to the councilors about the obvious reasons to choose a dwarf fighter: stone craft knowledge, dark vision, war hammer expertise, etc.. Sigh, none of it were really taken into account this time.”

~ “And there we have a dwarf listing his skills and selling points and I’m sure that if we were to put 5 dwarves in a room, we’d get the same list.”

“And a place to watch 5 dwarves argue over a single mug of beer.”

~ “What beer?”

“The one I would put in the room before hand to watch 5 dwarves get into a fight over, Blessed Corfard.”

~ “Excellent. Good idea.”

“The board mainly chose me for my name. I think ‘Manslayer’ really got into their heads. They bought into the local legend I was some kind of murder machine.”

“So do you think he never killed anyone before, Blessed One?”

~ “I doubt it, Adept. Killing for a dwarf is right after drinking, counting gold, feasting, and proper beard grooming.”

“‘I’ve heard you’ve killed hundreds single handedly’ they said. I tried to explain the history of my given surname but they didn’t listen. And if they did, they didn’t care.”

“It seems Blessed Corfard was correct. The Academy was looking for something different regarding dwarves in order to pick one.”

~ “You have to admit, Manslayer is a kick ass sounding surname.”

“It does summon something, Blessed One.”

“‘Whatever, whatever, it’s MARKETING!’ one board member said. ‘The name ALONE will help with the other recruiting efforts’. ‘It’s fabulous’ another member said. They were giddy about the possibility of a one-man army joining ‘their team’ and it would be great for ‘their numbers’. At that point I gave up and just let them talk.”

~ “Hmm, even this dwarf doesn’t seem to like the idea of being singled out for something as shallow as him name. Probably wanted to show them his interest in horticulture or the strange rope like scar on his left ankle.”

“You know those things, Blessed Corfard?”

~ “What? No, I’m only throwing it out, conjecture.”

“Blessed Corfard, you should always be careful when throwing out conjuring, you might hit someone.”

~ “Save me, please.”

“Tell me what I must do.”

~ “Never mind.”

“In the end, I got the job and I felt I could do it well enough, so what’s the difference in why I was hired, right?”

The image in the display froze and the voice went silent.

~ “So, this dwarf was in the group merely because of his name and not because of his skill, capabilities, or anything else.”

“Didn’t you say that all dwarves were interchangeable? Does it matter?”

~ “Hmm, perhaps not. I would still like to know about the others who did not get in the party.”

“So…again, Blessed One?”

~ “Yes. Once more, I bend the world to flex around my will and send to the cascaded myriad past to reveal to us the other dwarven applicant who was to join the party…BEHOLD!”

The image shifted a bit to show another dwarf standing there, hand pointed out the door, a tall spear in his free hand and a scornful expression on his face.

“Blessed One! A spear! A spear!”

~ “Excellent! There is a dwarf who really knows how to push the boundaries. Let us listen to him and see what he had to offer to the Academy.”

"Honestly even if you don't pick me, you can't pick that schmuck I heard babbling on about himself before me.”

~ “Oh, I see.”

“What, Blessed One?”

~ “This is the last type of dwarf. The angry dwarf. Most party members do not one of these travelling with them.”

“Aren’t all dwarves angry?”

~ “On some level, Adept. But there is an acceptable level and “loud dwarf” often gets them disqualified. Let us listen.”

“He compared himself to a rock... what, five times? Why do they always talk about rocks? What's so great about ROCKS. Besides being DENSE, it does NOTHING.”

“This one appears to have an open flask in its hand.”

~“I would surmise that this dwarf went to his interview drunk and angry. I am seeing why he was not picked.”

“Hah, good with a bow and like a rock. Rocks can't shoot bows, am I right? I'd pay GOOD money to see a rock shoot a bow one day." 

“I almost feel bad for him, Blessed One. He is not aware of how poorly he is interviewing, is he?”

~ “No Adept. I would say he is oblivious and yet he still rambles on.”

"What was that guy even? A ranger or something? Anyone can shoot a bow... is a ranger really necessary? I mean... yea I guess someone to guide you through the wilderness - but that's what maps are for. Maps and people with common sense. I'm telling you know, I can't work with someone who constantly talks about rocks, their beard and booze." 

The image froze and then the hole crackled and closed up.

“Blessed Corfard, perhaps when dwarves are ‘alike’ that is better that if you are the dwarf that ‘stands out’.”

~ “Very true, Adept. As a great person once said, ‘Fat, Drunk, and Stupid is no way to go through life.”

“Sounds like a wise man, Blessed One.”

~ “He was.”

PBEM, Episode 120 - Secrets, Travis, and End of Day

 ONE HUNDRED TWENTY

(I/C)

Looking through his bulging backpack, Brendon stepped into Travis’ room and began to unload some of the stranger items he had picked up over the last three days. “Like I said you never cease to amaze me, or in your case Kovid, shock me.” He picked up the Silver Dagger (10) and the Healing Potion (5), asking, “Is this ok?”

Lyra, not paying attention, shook her head and grabbed both of the healing potions, handing them to Kovid and Abraxas, “Oh no no no, you two are taking these too. You two seem to find the most trouble. I’d feel better knowing you guys had it.”

“Wow,” Lannis exclaimed.

“What?” she asked.

“Took it right out of his hand. And his foot is still screwed up from this morning, you know.”

“What?” She looked at Brendon who now had an empty hand. “I did? Dammit!” She snatched the healing potion from Abraxas and shoved it back at Brendon, muttering quietly. Turning back to Kovid she said, “THAT one, you and Abraxas decide who needs it. Yeah, that’s what I totally meant to say and do.”

Taking the 2 Slowburn Candles [2]), the Magic User said, "I'll take the candles, you lot can figure out the rest. Figure it out later perhaps, we have no idea if our green stabby friend was expected by someone, or alerted others in some way. I think it would best to leave, and quickly."

"Si, Brenon should get the dagger plato,” Abraxas added, “Brennod y Señor Koviad should take those potions at least until we rest. If trouble arises they drink! Ill take that,” he picked up the Cinnamon Stick [1], the Potion of Haste [5], and the Wooden Dog and Puppy Carving [2].

Holding the Diamond [1] to Lyra, Wyn said, “Priestess, you should 'ang onto dis diamond... as de only one dat looks notin like a sack of bloody bruised potatoes. Need to spread dis treasure out anyway." He took the Dented Metal Mug [5], the Key Ring with 3 keys [15], and Travis’ Pillow [10]. 

“May I suggest we clean up before calling it a night in the barracks?” Brendon asked, closing his backpack once again and shouldering it. “Aside from Kovid I’m sure you all don’t want to sleep in your blood.

Wyn nodded. "I tink we cen go to de baths to wash up. I don't want to dirty de aquifer lake wit our mess... en blood."

Kovid tilted the Healing Potion back, (Heal 1d6, Yellow 6! Heal 6 – Great!) feeling better after doing so. He then lifted the dead Spy and tossed him unceremoniously into the secret room. "The baths and barracks seem like a good plan to me." He then shoved the opposite side of the door hard until it swung closed and sealed up again.

Clapping his hands together, Abraxas readied his sword and shield, “Vamonos amigos. As for washing up, might be too risky, si? Mayhap being covered in gore and dirty may throw the wolves off our scents, confusing us for Bobs, Kobs, and Roberts, no? Either way, let's make haste."

After leaving a bit of grain line in front of the now closed secret door, the party turned south, Brendon and Kovid leading the way. They went slow up the flight of stairs, listening and looking around. At the corner they went east, then south, eventually getting past the Dining Room (WMC: Red/Black 3) without issue. From there is was slow going down the side steps, beyond the lower barracks, and then down again to the catacombs.

The reek of dead ape was pungent down here, cloying and foul, the buzz of flies around the dead beast. The group made their way to the Ishtari Baths and once inside, the party relaxed. Stripping off their dirty clothes the party took their time cleaning up the blood, gore, and filth from their bodies and belongings.

One of the things that they noticed though, was that even though the they water was being made dirty, somehow the baths stayed clean. “Ah!” Lannis exclaimed, watching the flow of the dirty water running down. “Tub is magical! Dirty water drains out the bottom there, and you can see the flow here? Clean water comes in! It’s why the tub is always full and clean.”

“Tres bien,” Wyn said, taking out the Green towel and proceeding the wash it as well. “It be nice to be clean and have clean things. Can hang it up to dry in the barracks when we go.” As the party spent a good 20 minutes scrubbing up, Wyn took a bit of the oil off the shelf and dropped a few drops on Travis’ pillow. “Un minute,” he said, taking the pillow to the steam room and leaving it there before returning. “Pillow will be clean and smell not like goblin tomorrow.”

Wringing out their clothes and towels and cloaks and then shaking them smooth, the party then left the Ishtari Baths and made their way back across the Catacombs and up the stairs eventually to the Lower Barracks (WMC: Red/Black 2) also without any problems. From there we entered the Barracks, moved the stone cabinet in front of the door, and then made our way past the 5 dead elves and up to the upper barracks through the back door where the party finally breathed a sigh of relief.

Taking out their rations, the party all looked at each other and began to eat and drink while Kovid had stripped off his chainmail and patted his platemail. “I’ll get to this after dinner.”

Time now is: 5:20

(OOC)

Alright! You made it back! After eating (20 minutes) – what is the group’s plan and give me a watch order and who is doing it. After the next write up, I’ll send everyone their updated sheet for Day 4.

PBEM, Episode 119 - Secrets, Travis, and End of Day

 ONE HUNDRED NINETEEN

(I/C)

Wyn finished cleaning his sword and then resheathed it, “Iffin someone cen open de door to de spy room, I be check in’ de hidey hole.”

Lannis sighed, "I also vote that someone ELSE should check the room and the murder closet. I will be staying in my nice safe hallway, where angry goblins and poison traps won't get me. Top notch work though Kovid, good job keeping the rest of us from getting stabbed."

“Bueno!” Abraxas replied, “Then I shall do it. Stay behind me, amigos. Señors Kovirdes perhaps you should stay in the hall or the small room, since they are more likely to not be trapped at this point. I knew there was something with this room set up. Señor Kovoit made a valiant act of heroism taking the stabs for us.”

The shit you guys take and dish amazes me,” Brendon chuckled, taking up position at the top of the stairs to the north and watching with care.

“Tres bien,” Wyn stepped up to the open secret door and peered in, He took out his torch and spent a minute lighting it before adding, “After I check eet en de Dwarf claims ‘is new armor—dat will look great on ye by de way—we cen either throw de dead spy een de hidey hole, or we cen throw it in de hanged hob room.”

 “Glad to see you on your feet again Kovid,” Lyra clapped the dwarf on the shoulder. “Hang on Abraxas, I’ll go with you. Two eyes are better than one and all that.”

“Gracias senora. But I already have dos eyes. Iff’n you come with me, we will have quarto eyes, si?”

“Don’t enter zee spy room till you know what be inside,” the elf advised. “Just Wyn’s deux coppers.”

“Gracias señor! Now let's see what this... Travis... was so eager to kill us over."

Kovid dragged the dead Travis close to the entrance of the spy room and placed the lantern down there to give enough light to all parties. Lannis idled up to the dwarf who had started on the first of the many straps holding the armor closed and suggested, “I’ll look over Mister Travis in the mean time, if you don’t mind.”

“Sounds great, Manling. But don’t take too long, I have a bladder full and I need to relieve it soon.”

“Um…ok then.”

Abraxas grabbed the handle with Lyra right behind him and twisted it, pushing the door open and to the right. The room was the size of one of the smaller barracks but had been stripped of most of its furnishings except for a footlocker, an oversized bed with some nice bedding on it, a table, and two chairs. The table had assorted stuff on it. “Let’s go in, Senora, with our Quatro Eyes. Mayhap it will be like Senor Lantis’ cake piece which I still have never gotten I want to say.”

“Sounds good, Abraxas. But keep in mind, I will happily help you out but I am pretty sure I won’t be touching a god damned thing.”

“Great! If the gods have damned it, you don’t want to get it on you!” The two friends entered the spy room with care.

Meanwhile Wyn gave the small secret chamber a serious once over (<Wis Search, Orange 7). The floor was carpeted and the carpet went up at least 2 feet on each wall, muffling sounds while in here. There was a single 2’ stool in here and along the back wall was a rope that disappeared into the ceiling. The rope had a spar of rock tied to the bottom of it to give it some weight and it wasn’t attached to anything – just going off into a small hole in the ceiling. He looked around the chamber with care and was able to see some faint chinks in the west wall where someone could be sitting on the stool and looking out the thin cracks, and be able to see the entire hall. “Pretty sneaky Travis,” he muttered.

As all this was going on, Kovid was undoing the straps one at a time, graves, vambraces, breast plate, gorget. “Nice armor,” he muttered. “For a filthy greenskin goblin murdering prick.”

“Hey Kovid?” Lannis asked.

“Yeah?”

“Mr. Particular here, can you work in the echo-y hallway without muttering bitching and moaning a bit quieter so the hordes of nipple eating monsters don’t descend on us? Thank you very much.” Lannis was giving Travis a good look over (<Wis Search, Pink 5). “Silver Dagger? Very nice. We’ll take that…Hmm, pouch here, what do we have? Oh! Potion vial…Haste. Potion of Haste. Yeah, sure…Holy Nipple Clamps!”

“Shhh!!” Kovid scolded.

“Whatever…” Lannis kept looking. “Ok, nothing. Hmm, inside pocket here…Key ring? Big key ring, three keys on it.” He squinted closer. “Marked…Jail…Vault…Throne Room.” Smiling he clenched them tight. “Thanks, Travis. Now…money pouch here. Oh, some jingle to it…Silver. Sweet silver. Has to be…90 pieces here. And what’s this?” he tilted the pouch the last bit and a diamond rolled out the size of an acorn and settled into his palm.

Brendon who was nearby (Thief Int >12) whistled low. “That’ll fetch a pretty penny. 500 gold crowns at the right market.” (Silver Dagger [10], Potion of Haste [5], Key Ring with 3 Keys [15], 90 Silver Nobles, 1 Diamond worth 500 crowns [1]… oh, and Platmail Armor [500])

Finally Abraxas (>Wis Search, Blue 12) and Lyra (<Wis Search, White 5) walked around the room slowly and with care. “Senora! There is a bed!”

“Yep. I’m not touching it.”

“Eet has a pillow on it. Very soft.” Abraxas picked up the pillow and put it back down frowning. “Nothing under the pillow and the pillow, eet smells like goblin.” He looked around. “Should I go to the table and look?”

“Look under the bed.”

“Travis sleeps under the bed?”

“Nope, but he might hide something there.”

“Ah! Bueno!” Abraxas picked up the side of the bed and turned it over slowly and with care, spilling the blankets and sheets on the floor. “You are muy muy smart.” Fixed on the bottom of the bed and attached to the slats was a thin wooden box. Using the end of his sword, Abraxas managed to pry it off and the side spilled out 40 gold pieces. “Excellente!” he scooped them up and Lyra smiled, clapping him on the shoulder.

Working together, the two of them with Lyra’s suggestion and prodding managed to go through the foot locket, the contents of the table, and anything else in the room that might be interesting. They managed to turn up: Clay pot with 1 lb Blue sand [15] (no cover), Dented Metal Mug [5], 2 Slowburn Candles made of Beeswax [2] (last 3 hours each), Wooden Carving of a Dog and Puppy [2], and 2 Potions of Healing [5 per].

They went to the front of the room and shared with the rest of the group what they found as Wyn came out and shared what he learned and Lannis let the group know what he had found. While everyone was talking and the armor was now safely stored aside, Kovid lowered his breeches, grabbed himself, and let fly a long steaming stream of urine on the ruined remains of Travis’ face while the rest of the group stopped talking and trailed off quiet until the dwarf was finished. Pulling himself back up, he smiled at Travis’ wet remains and hissed, “Wecaughtyabitch,” spitting one last time just for good measure.

“Right,” he said, looking at the 5 faces staring at him, “Thor knows we have to get a move on. What are we keeping besides this beautiful armor, and should we be going there now? I’m getting hungry and we need to rest.”

Time now is 4:10

(OOC)

Alright! Long time since, but XP time:

Explore: 2 rooms @ 30 per: Everyone Add 60 XP Each

Combat: Travis, The Spy (4th level Goblin Thug): 250 divided

Kovid & Brendon, Add 41 xp Each

Abraxas & Lannis, Add 52 xp Each

Lyra, Add 57 xp

Wyn, Add 67 xp

Treasure: Everyone add 15 Silver

Lyra and Wyn add 6 Gold

Kovis, Brendon, Abraxas, and Lannis add 7 Gold

XP from Treasure – Everyone add 90 xp

Ok, who is taking what? Let me know and are we retreating to rest?

PBEM, Episode 118 - Secrets, Travis, and End of Day

 ONE HUNDRED EIGHTEEN

(I/C)

With the giggling and rapid pattering of Travis’ feet fading to the north, Lannis stumbled forward, eyes wide and staring, "What the fuck just happened?! Why is Wyn bleeding? Why is Kovid bleeding?”

Wyn was on his knees, holding his freely bleeding side, "Why am I covered in blood? Oh... oh! Someone stop 'im so I can return de favor. Ugh I 'ate gobs almost as much as I 'ate kobs." Brendon stooped at the elf’s side, pressing his healing potion into his hand. Shaking Wyn broke the seal and tilted it back, the cool liquid running down his throat (Heal 1d6, Red 5 – Heal 5!) and the bleeding slowed down and then scabbed over.

Abraxas bent down to help Kovid up, "Amigos, let's stop him now. Get that Travis, he nearly killed Señor Kivod!"

“Who was that guy?” Lannis was at the top of the steps, hands waving wildly, “What? Stop him? Sure, I'll try."

“Wait... what?” Lyra stumbled next to him, blood from Kovid and Wyn staining the bottom of her cloak, “What the fuck?”

Lannis looked at her, finishing his hand wave as sparks began to fly, “Together?”

Lyra shook her head and grit her teeth. Hand reached for her holy symbol, gripping it tight. “Together. Let’s stop this fucker.”

Lannis’ spell fired off in a burst of pink and grey light that (>Save vs Spells +2 haste, Red/Black 16) just missed Travis as he faded further into the gloom. “Nicetryscumhuman!”

“Aine!” Lyra’s voice sounded off, thrumming through the air, “HOLD him!” and a burst of red energy flew down the hall, went into the dark, and struck the running Travis (<Save vs Spells -2 penalty single target, +2 haste, Black 10) where his laughing stopped along with the running steps and we heard the sound of a heavy body in platemail roll to a stop. “Got his fat goblin ass!” she cheered.

“Excellent work!” Lannis held out his hand for a high five but Lyra had already turned away to rush to Kovid’s side and he was there awkwardly holding his hand up as Abraxas clapped him on the shoulder, “Escuse me, Senor,” and ran down the steps at full charge.

Brendon was listening hard (WMC: Red/Black 2) but although the battle was noisy and swift, it did not attract any attention. Lyra stepped up to Kovid who was choking and wobbling, “Aine, twice in two minutes, but we need it. Please heal my friend.” A wave of cool red light and the smell of summer surrounded Kovid (CLW: Heal 1d6+1, White 5 – Heal 6!!) and some color returned to the dwarf’s face.

At Travis’ frozen and quivering body, Abraxas bent down and grabbed the bulky goblin by the throat, “You're coming with me pendejo." It made fast breathing noises and some faint squeaks but the Fighter didn’t care bringing him up the steps where Kovid and Wyn, both with their weapons out and covered in their own gore, were standing with grim expressions.

"Señor Koivas, if you'd do the honors?” Abraxas asked, laying the goblin down, not noticing as he did so that Wyn shoved his short sword into the back of Travis’ head and up into his brain before pulling his blade free. “Feel free to smash his cabeza like a.... how do you say... aqua...mel... Watermelon, si. Like a watermelon!"

Shrugging and giving Wyn a grin, Kovid shrugged and said, “Why the hell not? Fucking goblin got me good.” And he brought his war hammer up and around, smashing it straight down on Travis’ skull, bursting it wide open and raining gore all around.

“Right,” Wyn wiped his sword clean, looking over the group, “Cen we open dat spy door next to 'elp plan our next steps? I know it'll only be un minute or deux... but deez minutes feel like dey take hours sometimes."

Kovid picked up the goblin in a fireman’s carry over his shoulders and nodded. “No matter what, I’m carrying this fat bastard. He’s wearing my new armor. Let’s check out the room and get out of here like Thor’s Whores.”

Time now is 4:00

(OOC)

Failed his 2nd save, good job Kelly! Ok, we have Travis (will do XP after we check out either the spy room or the secret door room.). Or are you going to check out both, split the party and speed it up? Secret room is only a 10x10 chamber and is open right now, Spy room was checked for traps and found none as well as heard nothing. If split up, who looks where?

PBEM, Episode 117 - Secrets, Travis, and End of Day

Haste Potions

Regardless of the edition, I like haste and haste potions. They are a nice little rule break for the game and as long as its done sparingly, it doesn't lose its 'oomph'. I rarely get a chance to use it against the group so having Travis hopped up on Haste was a nice touch. However I came damned close to killing two party members from the wide greenskinned bastard. Maybe that's why I don't use them too much? Lol.

Follows:

ONE HUNDRED SEVENTEEN

(I/C)

“I’ll get the door,” Kovid offered, moving into place.

“Monsieur Dwarf,” Wyn whispered, hand out, “I cen ‘old de lantern while you open de door.”

"Are we sure there isn't a trap from that puerta,” Abraxas pointed to the door across the hall, “that activates when we open this?” Pointing back at the secret door.

Lyra shook her head, “Secret doors are usually safer, right? No one is expecting us to go in there at least. Could always prove to be a good resting spot too.” 

Abraxas made a face, standing at Kovid’s Shoulder, “Hmm, careful Señor Kovips, there may be something dangerous behind there. Or there could be hidden treasure. Maybe a hidden ale supply. Maybe mas platos. What if there are libros platos Señor Lannifs? Seeeelver... booooks... "

Positioning him in front of the normal door, Brendon offered, “I’ll keep an eye on the spy area when you check out the secret door. Maybe it’ll hold a weapon for me.”

Lannis sighed, moving back to the south, "Fine, let us check the secret door first. Although if it was used by the spy there could something in his room that we will need. I suppose we can check later. Abraxas, while silver books would be quite expensive they would be quite large and heavy, most unwieldy. They would be sub par reading material."

With Wyn at the top of the stairs to the north, lantern in one hand, bow in the other, Kovid was next ready to shove the secret door open, Abraxas at his side, sword and shield out. Next was Brendon just in front of the spy door with his own bow out, arrow nocked, while Lyra and sling followed and finally Lannis, looking to the south and listening. The group all were ready and Kovid nodded, shoulder out and rocking back and forth while mouthing, “one…two…”

“Three.”

He hit the door with full force (Surprise Check: Red/Black 2 – failed) only to see whatever pressure resistance was on it was turned off just as he struck the stone portal. It turned and he fell forward and was dragged inward by a VERY FAST moving greenskin, platmail wearing, wide bodied goblin figure with a silver blade that he plunged into the dwarf as he fell (>+4 to hit, +4 Surprise, +2 Haste, Red/Black 19) slamming him through the weak part of the chainmail near his neck and angling down to cut the most muscles and do the most pain possible (1d4+1 damage, Red/Black 3 +1 = 4 x2 backstab = 8 Damage!!!) and Kovid grunted as he fell.

Only to have the preternaturally fast goblin draw his blade out, hiss, “TravissendsyoutoHel,Rockgrubber!” and plunge it at Kovid AGAIN (>+4 to hit, +4 surprise, +2 haste, Black 11), this time going sideways into his kidney area as the goblin stepped around and rode the dwarf to the ground, knife in his side (1d4+1 damage, Blue 1+1 = 2 x 2 backstab – 4 Damage!!), giggling as Kovid dropped. He wrapped his fingers around the trailing edge of the dwarf’s beard and PULLED – yanking out a handful and twisting Kovid’s neck to the side.

“Onetwothreefourfivesix! Goodyou’reallhere! Ahahahahahha!” His motions were almost a blur as he looked up and down the passage quickly going through whatever decisions he was going to make.

“KILL THAT THOR SUCKING GOBLIN!!” Kovid howled from the floor, hand reaching for his mangled beard.

(Initiative: Travis the Spy Red/Black 3 + 2 Haste vs Party Steel 2 – Spy wins).

“Nottoday,Earthworm!” the goblin cackled as he sliced his blade against the dwarf’s neck (>+4 to hit, +2 haste, Steel 20 – Critical! No roll – 5 Damage!!). “Hopethatkillsyoudead!” And then it turned to the north where Wyn was blocking his way and the elf, always fast, was moving in slow motion when compared to the goblin who brought his silver dagger around saying, “Dieyourself,babykiller!” (>+4 to hit, +2 haste, Green 10) Wyn tried to block the slash but took a hard cut across his chest (1d4+1 Damage, Blue 3+1 – 4 Damage!) gasping in pain.

Finally moving, the spy (Combative Dex check: Wyn Orange 11 [beat by 6] vs Spy Teal 10 [beat by 5 + 4 haste]) dodged past the elf and hit the stairs hard, running down the double flight and hitting the landing below to run off into the gloom. “Tatafuckfacemurders! Travishopesyoudie!”

Time now is 3:58.

(OOC)

Bottom of round one. Kovid down to 3 of 27. Wyn down to 3 of 11. Spy is at the limit of light range down stairs and running north. Do you let him get away? Team team Go team!

PBEM - Application 5, Lyra/Cleric

This was the 5th application of the set of interludes I had the group do for homework. I had them to write 2 paragraphs about what they told the Academy of Explorers that made them get hired over other potential applicants. In addition, I had everyone also write the same amount for 1 applicant (not them) that was NOT hired.

Follows:

LYRA

 ~ “Adept, come in please.”

 “Yes, Blessed Corfard.”

 ~ “Adept, did you take this bottle and open it?”

 “Yes I did, Blessed Corfard.”

 ~ “Why?”

 “It was on the Cooling Slab and I was thirsty for a drink.”

 ~ “Adept, I have told you before, that any containers on the Cooling Slab are mine and not for the general consumption of the Ispan’s Castle to imbibe.”

 “Actually, Blessed Corfard, you expressly informed the gathered denizens last week that anything that has YOUR name upon it is not for the general consumption.”

 ~ “A technicality, Adept.”

 “But it is the crux of this matter. I saw the beverage, one of half a dozen of them, in the folded thick paper carrying container, on the Cooling Slab, and Blessed Corfard, your name is not Coors so I knew that the drink was not yours.”

 ~ “…”

 “Blessed Corfard is cross?”

 ~ “Very.”

 “But Blessed Corfard still has 5 of the original 6 beverages to imbibe on his own.”

 ~ “Sigh, Adept, it is the principle of the thing. I was anticipating drinking all 6 and now even if I do drink the remaining 5 and enjoy them, part of me will feel short changed and put out that my possible enjoyment will be only 5/6th of its possible greatest whole.”

 “Then for robbing the Blessed Corfard of 1/6th of his future enjoyment, this Adept can only apologize.”

 ~ “Are you…are you mocking me?”

 “Blessed Corfard! I would never mock you.”

 ~ “Hmm…”

 “Allow me to offer you some of my gnomish candy covered chocolate morsels to make up for the shortfall you would be feeling from missing one of the pack of six.”

 ~ “Are they the ones with the legume in the center?”

 “Yes, Blessed Corfard. It is a waste to eat the lesser kind.”

 ~ “Excellent. You have appeased me, Adept.”

 “I live to serve.”

 ~ “Perfect. And speaking of those that serve, we shall now peer through the veil and learn about the original interview of the one who serves for the murdering group visiting us.”

“The serving wench?”

~ “No, Adept. Actually, yes! The cleric, Lyra Adder. As the cleric in the party, she has a conduit to her goddess that allows her to perform acts of miracles as need be.”

“As we do in your name, Blessed Corfard.”

~ “That is true. So let us delve into the space between worlds, and rip asunder the astral veil that permeates the planes, so that my divine will can channel the past into the present and reveal to us the original interview of Lyra Adder…BEHOLD!!”

The room quivered with unbridled energy and a rumble of thunder filled the room as a burst of electricity shredded the air in the great room, pulsing out with streamers of blinding ozone and plasma. Through the tear, a hole could be seen and in it a well lit room with a half dozen older men and women standing about, while an armored woman with a long face was standing at attention before them.

“Blessed Corfard never ceases to amaze this lowly worm.”

~ “Quite right, Arise, Adept. Look upon that creature.”

“She is not an attractive figure.”

~ “No human is. Their eyes are too set apart, their noses are comical, their teeth have a paucity of canines, and their skin is like fermented yak’s milk in a sheep’s bladder.”

“Disgusting.”

~ “True. But let us listen as to what this Cleric offered to the Academy.”

"So, Priestess Lyra, what makes you the best candidate out of the other choices to be entrusted with this mission? Why you?"

“I would assume there was some combat involved.”

~ “Why would you think that, Adept?”

“When we seek to become touched by the gods, it often involves a handful of us to enter a chamber and armed with only our faith and fury, defeat the other applicants to be advanced to the next stage.”

~ “I don’t believe humans do that when becoming an acolyte or getting ordained.”

“Shame, it might cut down on some of the less worldly clergy and their influences.”

~ “That is true. Lyra speaks.”

"Well, I'm the obvious choice. Every adventuring party needs a cleric.”

~ “A valid point.”

“Unless they have a rich benefactor and are willing to purchase a case of healing potions.”

“It's not like there's that many clerics out there.”

“Is that true, Blessed One?”

~ “Adventuring Clerics, touched by their gods? Very true.”

“When you compare us to... well let's say thieves, There's a ton of thieves. Probably too many, if you ask me.”

“Is she getting down on thieves?”

~ “ I am not sure. I would imagine she’s being hyperbolic in this case.”

“Not a whole lot of clerics running around offering their services outside of the church. I'd say we're a hot commodity. The party would be LUCKY to have me." 

“She certainly has the arrogance part of being a Cleric down.”

~ “Well, until Third edition, Charisma was a dump stat.”

“Blessed one?”

~ “Nevermind.”

"I guess if you want some more specifics though, I'm not only a cleric but a follower of AINE.”

~ “It’s weird, Adept, but I can hear the capitalization when she speaks, can’t you?”

“Same, Blessed Corfard. It’s like she is trying to convince herself as well as others.

~ “You can tell her lack of character if she throws around buzzwords like ‘best’ or ‘I’m not going to lie’ or ‘good people on both sides.”

“Best Goddess around, you know?”

~ “Called it.”

“She usually never fails me, nor I her. We're both trustworthy. And... well I'm not going to lie…”

~ “Called it again.”

“…I find it satisfying to beat some things to an inch of their life - Aine willing.”

~ “And that is probably what tipped her into the ‘we’re going to hire this one’ pile. A Cleric and she is willing to take a dim view on Lawful  when it comes to combat, assault, and battery?”

“It’s a shame that for a holy woman, her first go to is to go to violence instead of conversation or peaceful dialogue.”

“Not like... PEOPLE. Lesser things, like goblins and... goblin like things.”

“You know, Blessed Corfard? I am really insulted right now, and I am NOT a goblin!”

~ “Such naked hatred.”

“It's not an anger or a race thing, jeeze.”

“What’s jeeze, Blessed Corfard?”

~ “Most likely ejaculate.”

“Ugh. Mammals are disgusting.”

“They're all bottom feeding parasites anyway.”

“Wow, Blessed Corfard. Can I call her a bitch?”

~ “I think you would be remiss if you didn’t.”

“Did I mention I was a woman? Need your token female party member - lest you want to be labeled a misogynistic group." 

The image froze showing the council members all nodding to one another.

~ “Well, I can only imagine she wanted to see how many offensive things she was able to get out in her three minute interview.”

“And to play the gender card at the end, I fell that was overkill, Blessed Corfard.”

~ “Perhaps. But like if you have an advantage in combat, would you not take it? Why should this situation be any different.”

“Perhaps the Academy felt pressured to taking her as the group’s cleric because she was a woman and not a more qualified applicant?”

~ “Ha! Little Adept. I cannot picture the council of learned scholars and academics making a decision to hire someone because of their gender in place of a better qualified person.”

“Maybe…I am still bothered.”

~ “Let us see the next best choice of Cleric that they did not take. Allow my will to warp the weave of time and shift the etherflow…BEHOLD!”

The view changed again to the same room but this time there was a dwarf there, wide of chest and smiling with a brown beard forked and braided down into his belt line.

“Blessed One, we have not done the dwarf yet, did we?”

~ “No Adept, I was saving him for last. So, a dwarven cleric? Let us see what his interview was like.”

The image in the hole did not change.

~ “Odd. The record of his interview exists but there is no direct evidence of it. Ah…let’s see… there is something in the Director’s Cut, Kovid as Admam Speal Speaks.”

“Who is that?”

~ “Not sure. Probably one of the extras that help behind the scenes. They give them a line in the credits and maybe a voice over about something interesting that occurred during a day of shooting.

“Blessed One again leaves me behind with his knowledge.”

~ “Worry not, Adept. Let us play this and hear what Kovid as Admam has to say about this Cleric that did not get hired.”

The image shifted to show the dwarf gesturing to the council members but nothing could be heard. Instead a voice sounded above the action and said, “Oh yeah, Glorvin. Glorvin was a Dwarf Cleric. Seemed nice enough. He went in right after my interview. He prayed to Thor too, so we had a nice little conversation beforehand and I waited for him to come out.”

~ “I would assume that Madman Spiel is related to Kovid, the party’s dwarf somehow.”

“Perhaps they are clutchmates?”

~ “Most likely closer.”

“Initially, he said he thought he did pretty well in the interview, but then it went south. The board rejected him. He would’ve been too similar to another member of the group” The image closed in on one of the councilors who leaned to the one on his right and whispered, ‘we’ve already got one of those.’ “Thor’s Balls I felt awful. I couldn’t bear to tell him I had just gotten the job.”

“So the dwarf did not get picked as the Cleric because their already was a dwarf in the party?”

~ “So it would seem.”

“That seems pretty short sighted.”

~ “Ha! Height joke. Dwarf. Funny Adept.”

“No, Blessed…you know what? Thanks! I live to amuse you.”

‘We need more diversity on this roster. It will look bad to Academy HR if we don’t hire a woman.’ he heard one of the members say as he walked out. Poor guy never had a shot.”

With that the image froze and faded from view, the hole closing up with a zipping sound and a final pop.

~ “Well, this has certainly revealed more to us about the murderers wandering the Castle and the thoughts that went into their makeup and hiring.”

“Blessed Corfard, I hope this also eventually helps us to understand how best to beat them.”

~ “Of that, have no doubt. You may leave, Adept.”

“Thank you, Blessed Corfard.”

~ “Adept?”

“Yes, Blessed One?”

~ “Leave the beverage.”

“Oh! My mistake, Blessed Corfard. I wasn’t aware I was…”

“Adept?”

“Um…Until later then.”

PBEM, Episode 116 - Secrets, Travis, and End of Day

 ONE HUNDRED SIXTEEN

(I/C)

While Lannis was stowing his censer away, he took a deep breath and turned to the group. “This makes me feel a little better, but I make promises of its efficacy against any potential bee swarms.”

“Glad we ‘ave a bowl to smoke,” Wyn replied.

Continuing, Lannis said, “Now I believe our next course of action was to check the definitely not trapped spy door? Fine with me, let’s go.” He snapped his fingers and made an exaggerated motion with his hand for the party to stop. “Oh, before we leave, if there are any plans to stab someone or assault a statue that I don't know about can you let me know now? I was pretty open with my plans for the Scriptorium. I'm not mad, I'm just saying that I could be more helpful if I knew about these things before they happened.”

"Monsieur Offop, I tink you of all people should be aware dat we found all de important information from dat shelf. You 'ave seen beyond de veil before, spying at de inner workin's of dis world we live... yer awareness of de results of random chance dat we experience 'as been clear. Wyn 'as seen eet een bits en pieces... not normally as much as ye 'as demonstrated, dough dis place has given moi a bit more insight... what I tryin to say ees dat, while I appreciate de enjoyment you get from de readin of de books, dere be no reason to cause we get all dere was to get from doze books.... don't know how I know it. I just do."

“Not quite the point, Swampelf, but sure, we’ll go with that.” He pointed to the Preistess, “Lyra, finish your drink and let's go, zombies can't hurt you when you're drunk.

“Ha!” Lyra barked, closing her wineskin (remove ¼ pint from wine) “I’m not even THAT drunk. If you ask me I’m not drunk enough.” 

“Seriously,” Lannis continued, “Why do you think you never hear about people having problems with dwarven zombies? Exactly. Back me up here Kovid. Actually...dont. Abra-hmm.” The party was already heading to the door taking the lantern light with them, the Magic User scrambling to catch up. “Wait, don't leave me! Jerks....bet they weren't even coming back...like playing hide and leave with the other kids..."

“I’d like to know,” Kovid noted, "Why does Lyra have booze? Why you holding out on your dwarf-friend, Lyra?"

“It’s wine, Kovid,” she answered, “I filled up from the temple stores before we left Specularum.”

“Oh! Wine! No, that’s a kid’s drink. Sorry, thought you had something real.”

While Brendon listened in the hall (WMC: Red/Black 4) Wyn said, "Time to 'ead to de spy room. Prêtresse Adder, iffin dis was a room of a castle spymaster, den we find more information day could 'Leo our cause... maybe even more books fer Monsieur Offop."

“No one knows what we’re going to find behind that door,” she said with a shrug.

"P’rhaps. Iffin dis be just a place where a character  dat calls 'I'm self de spy lives... den dere still be information of some kind we 'ope to find."

Brendon gave the door a thumbs up and we entered the hall, turning north and moving slowly and with care down the passage. "Oh, en Salazar?”

“Si?”

“iffin you see a lizard statue, do not run blindly into de room for de purpose of smashin it. S'il vous plaît. Porfavor. Please. Dat cen get you killed."

“I can’t guarantee anything, Senor. But I will put the effort in to it, Hokay?”

"Allons-y."

The walk down the hall was without issue and after checking the corner, the group turned to the left. It was a few dozen paces to the NORTH passage where the group once again crept up and looked around. The door on the right side with the dead Hobgoblin was…

“Robert, Senor.”

Um…thanks.

“De nada.”

…right side with the dead Robert was closed and the door at the end of the short hall that the wolf had burst through was closed but the party could tell that it hung poorly in the hinges. The group went down, and after listening one more time at this door (no roll) the dwarf was motioned to open it.

Kovid handed his hammer to Brendon as he turned the knob and lifted the door to relieve its strain on the frame, and opened the door towards us. Revealing a set of stairs going down.

We once again took position and made our way down the steps to a short hall with a door on the left hand side at the top of another set of stairs going down another 20’. Through the gloom and the lantern light it looked like there might be a door on the right hand side of that hall, but that was it.

Outside the door we were told was the “spy” door by Jowass, Brendon spent some time running his hands over the portal and listening intently (>Hear Noise, Red 79) satisfied that there was nothing there. “Door opens in and to the right, no lock,” he whispered. Kovid swapped positions and the group readied weapons. Wyn had been sniffing around, looking at the floor and walls, straining to hear (<Int check +2 elf, Orange 8). “Loup is not near, but eet has been in thees hall. Which we already knew. But not ‘ere now.”

Kovid and Wyn gave the hall a quick look around (>Secret Door, Yellow 5..=Secret Door, Orange 2) when Wyn held his hand up and said, “Hello. Woy dewwe ‘ave here?”

“What’s up, Wyn?”

Going to the other side of the hall opposite from the Spy door, he ran his hands up and down the stone and said, “Secret door? See? ‘ere, and ‘ere, and ‘ere.”

“Hmm,” Kovid looked again. “You’re right.” Giving it a short rap and feeling the gaps in the stone (dwarven stonework, no roll) he said, “Pressure held. Needs a hard push to open it. I would guess in the middle.”

“Before you do,” Brendon stepped up, “Let me just check it out first, ok?” The Scout went over the door with care (>Find Traps, Red 34) but after a few minutes announced, “Seems to be ok. No traps. And the door pushes in and to the left.”

The group was quiet and listened in the still hall (>Group Hear Noise, Green 17) but they heard nothing. Not down the stairs, not behind the secret door, not in the spy room, and not even behind them.

“What the hell do we do now?” Lannis asked.

Time now is 3:57

(OOC)

Ok, TWO choices! Secret door outside Spy room, or spy room? Or even further down the hall?